What to Do When The SEX Factor Isn't There In A Relationship

By Tim Millett, Guest Blogger

We all look for certain things in a partner--we want someone who is supportive, who makes us laugh, who we connect with on an emotional level, and someone that we are attracted to. But what happens when you find that person, and the only thing missing is that sexual connection? Sex is incredibly important in a relationship, not just for intimacy, but because it is a way of communicating. Problems in this area may indicate a breakdown in certain areas of communication but the good news is that they are manageable, and with some hard work and exploration, you can bring back or amp up the sexual element of your relationship. From sex toys to trust issues, we've put together a guide for working on that all-important SEX factor.

Look Outside The Box
Despite the cheap pun in the subtitle, looking beyond the sex itself to the emotional reasons that the sex might be lacking is an important activity if you're trying to get closer to someone sexually. Men and women alike have strong emotional and mental connections to sex, and often a breakdown in intimacy suggests that there's a problem somewhere else, either in the relationship or in the individual experience of one or both parties. The best way to find out what these problems may be is to talk about it. It seems very simple, but it is incredible how many couples avoid the issue in the hopes that if they wait it out the sex will magically come back and the connection they once felt will re-emerge. While this is sometimes the case, more often than not ignoring the issue just builds resentment and distrust, and without trust, sex can never be as fulfilling. If you're worries, broach the issue with your partner outside of the bedroom. This is important because neither party should feel pressured or guilty---it should be a frank, honest discussion in which you are both willing to address the possible causes of the sexual disconnect.

Rule Out Physical Ailments
If what was once hot and strong has now petered out into something weaker than last week's dishwater, there could be a physical reason for it. Many lifestyle diseases have symptoms that can include a reduced libido or inability to perform, and if you're experiencing said symptoms then it is better to be safe than sorry and see a doctor.

Spice Things Up
No matter how much you love a certain meal, if you have it for dinner every night for years it is eventually going to lose some of its appeal and novelty for you. The same can often be true for people in long term relationships. Though they are still very much in love with and attracted to their partners, the sex can become predictable if they don;t work together to keep things fresh. Vibrators, role playing, new positions and new locations are all great ways to turn up the heat in your sex lives. Just because you know what gets your partner off, doesn't mean that nothing else will, and exploring new, fun ways to pleasure each other will mirror those first few months of a new relationship where exploring each other's bodies was a new adventure every night.

Tim Millett is an Australian freelance writer and journalist. He writes extensively in Australia, Canada, Europe, and the US. He’s published more than 500 articles about various topics, including Sex Toys.