2008 Lesbian Holiday Gift Guide

Times are tough for everyone this year and with the holidays right around the corner, what's a lesbian to do? Well relax, take a deep breath, and don't think you have to forgo gift-giving all together. Instead, why not budget your shopping a bit more than usual, while still helping to stimulate the economy... Plus it's fun to give other's that warm fuzzy feeling that gift-giving can induce. So, with that in mind, here are some inexpensive but thoughtful gift ideas for all of the lesbians in your life.

Lesbian Books

The Butch Cookbook
Recipes contributed by butches from around the world and from all walks of life are mixed with butch musings, life and lore, history, and quotes. Novice to gourmet, these chefs have shared their expertise, frequently with humor, in easy-to-follow, hands-on instructions for an entirel new blend of cooking and culture. Irresistible offerings include quick meals for a night on your own, lucious potluck recipes, holiday indulgences, sweet treats, a special time for two, and even goodies for furry friends. Check out the website, thebutchcookbook.com, for photos and information about the contributors and excerpts from the book; $18.95 at Amazon.com.

The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For (hardcover)
From the author of Fun Home -- the lives, loves, and politics of cult fav characters Mo, Lois, Sydney, Sparrow, Ginger,Stuart, Clarice, and others. For twenty-five years Bechdel's path-breaking Dykes to Watch Out For strip has been collected in award-winning volumes syndicated in fifty alternative newspapers, and translated into many languages. Now, at last, The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For gathers a "rich, funny, deep and impossible to put down" (PublishersWeekly) selection from all eleven Dykes volumes. Here too are sixty of the newest strips, never before published in book form; $16.50 at Amazon.com.

Best Lesbian Romance 2009

Proving that true romance is more than sugary pop songs and chocolates, editor Radclyffe presents the juiciest, most seductive lesbian love stories by authors such as Jennifer Fulton, Karin Kallmaker, Alison Tyler and Radclyffe herself. These stories reveal the underlying emotions and complex relationships that help define love between women. From a shy glance across a crowded room, to a casual meeting at a dinner party, this collection of romantic stories showcases the many ways love can make us feel most alive; $10.17 Amazon.com

Lesbian Calendars Ideas

Provocateur Women 2009 Calendar

The elegance of female sexuality is wondrously captured in this signature women's calendar. Renée Jacobs injects a breath of fresh air with tasteful, lovely shots that show the female form in all her power, grace, sensuality and vulnerability; $10.85 Amazon.com

Judy Francesconi Sugar & Spice 2009 Calendar
This is a limited run, 12 month calendar with 13 beautiful black & white images of lesbians, each suitable for framing. $25.95 at http://www.judyfrancesconi.com/calendars.

Lesbian Movies/DVDs
Movies are another great gift idea is quite affordable. Here are a few lesbian movies that would also make a great holiday gift.

Spider Lilies
Behind every tattoo there is a secret. Webcam girl Jade (Taiwanese pop icon Rainie Yang) makes her living tantalizing online voyeurs. But behind her sassy façade, Jade carries the powerful memory of her childhood crush on Takeko, a young woman who now works at a nearby tattoo parlor. Jade goes to Takeko seeking a tattoo of a spider lily, hoping to rekindle their love. Takeko refuses to give her the tattoo, which symbolizes a family secret. She also spurns Jade's advances - at first . . . $22.49 at Amazon.com

Nina's Heavenly DelightsWhen a feisty young woman returns to her home to attend her father´s funeral, she´s shocked to learn that her family has sold half of the shares in their Indian restaurant. Inspired by her colorful friends and budding new romance, she works towards saving the establishment and besting its competition. $19.99 Amazon.com

She Likes Girls 3
The girls who like the girls are back in this jam-packed installment of the most popular lesbian shorts DVD series of all time. Enjoy the eye-candy and prepare to be entertained by these funny, sad, romantic, dramatic lesbian short movies from today’s top talents including: Guinevere Turner (Go Fish, The L Word), Julie Goldman (Big Gay Sketch Show), Cassandra Nicolaou (Interviews with My Next Girlfriend, Show Me), Roberta Munroe (Dani and Alice), and others. $22.49 at amazon.com

Itty Bitty Titty
This latest fabulous movie from Jamie (But I’m a Cheerleader) Babbit is a dynamic, romantic, frequently funny and politically astute movie with a smart script, rockin’ soundtrack and terrific ensemble cast that includes sexy young Melonie Diaz as the new dyke on the block who falls in with a great gang of Feminist troublemakers called Clits in Action (CiA), and then falls in love with leader of the pack, Nicole Vicius. Unfortunately, Nicole has a girlfriend – Melanie Mayron – and, as they say, drama ensues. With Carly Pope, Daniela Sea, Guinevere Turner, Deak Evgenikos, Jenny Shimizu and Lauren Mollica; $14.99 at amazon.com.

Sex Toys
Whether your looking for something special for your partner, or a gift for a friend, sex toys are a fun option. Here are a few items that might make the perfect Holiday gift and won't break.

Clit Exciter

Designed specifically to hug your love button, this easy to use massager will have you gorging your clitoris on its engulfing head. Sturdy plastic makes this massager durable and reliable, while the waterproof construction ensures safe play whether you're wet or dry. The powerful multi-speed vibrations are controlled by a dial knob on the base, complete with ridged sides for better grip, and unlike most other clitoral massagers the Clit Exciter™ features an extra long shaft for ergonomic handling and easier reach. Meant to be held upside down, the top of the piece features an angled head with a central divot and a ring of raised nodes that will massage and tickle the outer portions of the clitoral area, while the divot portion encases the clitoris in a world of vibrating pleasure. As well, you can use the back portion and the sides of the rounded head for a broader massage of the area; $12.95 at blowfish.com.

I Rub My Wormie

I Rub My Wormie is a waterproof, personal massager that was designed for the ultimate massage!!! Its long, rippled body is hard, but covered with ultra-soft skin and tiny, rounded nodules run the length of the Wormie's underbelly. Dual-speed control is easily operated with one hand to customize the level of vibration. Just press the cleverly hidden button and enjoy the strong vibrations running through this sweet-faced Wormie! Requires two C batteries. (Not included). $29.95 at blowfish.com

Babeland Body Kit

Celebrate sensuality with this collection of top-of-the-line home spa products from the new Babeland Body line. Babeland Body products are handmade in Northern California with all natural, primarily organic ingredients, formulated for the discerning customer. Plan for a decadent night with a 1-ounce bottle of fragrant Massage Oil, a 1/4-ounce bottle of tasty Lickable Oil, one sweet-smelling Massage Bar that melts when it comes in contact with skin, an aromatic Massage Candle, and a zesty Bath Fizzy to make clean-up extra fun. And keep the little light shining with the remarkable BabeLight, a vibrator so versatile that it's a keychain, vibrator, and flashlight all in one! Gift pack also includes two Babeland condoms and a matchbook for lighting the massage candle. $25 at Babeland.

Misc.
Here are a few more items that will not only fit your budget, but will also make for a fun gift for your favorite lesbian.

Personalized Lesbian Holiday Ornament
Two Women "abstract art" Christmas Ornament with name personalization and date. life-iz-sweet.com for $14.99

Stylish Retro Lesbian T-Shirts
T-shirt designs include: Liquor in the front ... poker in the rear. Open 24 hours, I kiss girls better, Lezzy's oil and Lube...Let me Service you today...etc. $18 at Queerrepublictees.com

Vermont legislator plans push for gay marriage

AP news announced last week that a state legislator plans to introduce a bill to allow gay marriage in Vermont.

State Sen. John Campbell, a Democrat, says he will sponsor the bill in the legislative session beginning in January. He acknowledges it is unlikely to gain ground unless Gov. Jim Douglas signals support.

The Republican governor said Thursday that the civil union law is sufficient but wouldn't say whether he would veto a gay-marriage bill.

Only Massachusetts and Connecticut allow gay marriage. California voters recently overturned a ruling allowing the practice there.

Several other states sanction domestic partnerships or civil unions. Vermont became the first state to do so, in 2000.

Miami judge rules against Florida gay adoption ban

USA Today Reports that Florida's strict law banning adoption of children by gay people was found unconstitutional Tuesday by a state judge who declared there was no legal or scientific reason for sexual orientation alone to prohibit anyone from adopting.

Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman said the 31-year-old law violates equal protection rights for the children and their prospective gay parents, rejecting the state's arguments that there is "a supposed dark cloud hovering over homes of homosexuals and their children." She also noted that gay people are allowed to be foster parents in Florida.

Attorneys for the American Civil Liberties Union, who represent gay foster parent Martin Gill, said the case was the first in the nation in which numerous experts in child psychology, social work and other fields testified that there is no science to justify a gay adoption ban.

"There is no 'morality' interest with regard to one group of individuals permitted to form the visage of a family in one context but prohibited in another," Lederman wrote in a 53-page decision. "There is no rational basis to prohibit gay parents from adopting."

Because state attorneys immediately filed a notice of appeal, the ruling is likely to set the stage for a battle that could reach the Florida Supreme Court. A judge in gay-friendly Key West also found the law unconstitutional in September, but that ruling has not been appealed and has limited legal reach.

Florida is the only state with an outright ban on gay adoption. Arkansas voters last month approved a measure similar to a law in Utah that bans any unmarried straight or gay couples from adopting or fostering children. Mississippi bans gay couples, but not single gays, from adopting.

Tuesday's ruling means that Gill, 54, and his partner can adopt two brothers, ages 4 and 8, whom he has cared for as foster children since December 2004.

"I've never seen myself as less than anybody else," Gill said. "We're very grateful. Today, I've cried the first tears of joy in my life."

He said the two boys have been practicing writing their new last names, and the older one said: "That's what's going to make us a family."

The state presented experts who claimed there was a higher incidence of drug and alcohol abuse among gay couples, that they were more unstable than heterosexual unions and that the children of gay couples suffer a societal stigma.

Organizations such as the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Medical Association and American Psychiatric Association all support permitting same-sex couples to adopt.

Lederman rejected all the state's arguments soundly.

"It is clear that sexual orientation is not a predictor of a person's ability to parent," the judge wrote. "A child in need of love, safety and stability does not first consider the sexual orientation of his parent. The exclusion causes some children to be deprived of a permanent placement with a family that is best suited to their needs."

Florida Assistant Attorney General Valerie Martin said an appeal would be filed on behalf of the state Department of Children & Families. She declined additional comment.

Reaction came quickly from advocates of gay, lesbian and transgender parents who have long considered Florida's law the most draconian in the nation. Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of the Boston-based Family Equality Council, said the decision is a "long-overdue recognition of the equal ability of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to raise happy, healthy families."

"The best interests of children should be decided by parents, families, professionals and judges, not opportunistic politicians and interest groups," Chrisler said.

John Stemberger, chairman of the successful drive earlier this month to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in Florida, called the ruling "classic judicial activism" and predicted it would be reversed on appeal.

"Everywhere in the law where children are affected, the standard must always be what is in the best interest of the child," said Stemberger, an attorney in Orlando. "What is stunning to me is that when it comes to dealing with gays, that standard goes out the window. Children do better with a mother and a father."

An Apology for Prop 8?

This is an actual billboard in San Diego from Mission Gathering Church and it reads:
"Mission Gathering Christian Church is sorry for the narrow-minded, judgmental, deceptive, manipulative actions of those who took away the rights and equality of so many in the name of God."

The Mission Gathering church was founded by a group of young adults who say they wanted "to embody God's grace to the emerging/postmodern culture they were a part of." It's affiliated with The Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) which has approximately 723,000 members throughout North America and is the denomination Ronald Reagan was baptized in.

San Diego has been arguably the epicenter of the Prop 8. protest movement, with over 25,000 people marching in the streets in last week's "Day of Impact Protest"– the largest group anywhere.

No Withholds When it Comes to Love

By Larry James

It may be true that we often seek in others that which we are not willing to give ourselves. This is a correctable mistake. It is not a good reason to be in a relationship. If we are only being with someone for what they can do for us, that is called dependency.

What we think we lack, we think we will find in someone else. The sense of self we assume we lack can never happen by osmosis. What we think we need from others can never rub off on us. Being with a love partner who has the qualities we lack does not necessarily enable us to acquire those desired qualities ourselves.

It is simply only your choice to give yourself what you think you lack. What a wonderful gift. You deserve it! You do this through the awareness self-discovery inspires.

Being with someone who is independent will not cure our own leaning toward dependency. You must do this on your own. And preferably before entering into a new relationship. You alone hold the key to the cure.

It is time for us to know that we lack nothing. Nothing, except perhaps the insight to know that we already have everything there is, including that which we seek from someone else. We have only yet to discover it within ourselves. This takes time and patience and understanding and lots of love for ourselves. And you have to want to!

You must never withhold discovery of self from yourself.

It is important to give yourself the gift you have been withholding from yourself before you attempt a serious love relationship. You may discover that once deeply involved with a love partner, with all of the many nuances of a relationship, you may never again find time to concentrate on giving yourself what you think you need if you are in the throes of always putting your best foot forward in the relationship.

When we first meet, we want to look our best; we instinctively do our best to sell ourselves. We put aside our bad habits and turn into someone who is focused solely on looking good. Many of us never intentionally shift to this mode to deceive, but do so in an effort to impress our new partner.

Others become a chameleon. They become who they think their new love partner wants them to be, changing frequently, always attempting to live up to someone else's expectations.

This is a losing game. No one can win it. How frustrating this must be, not only for you but for your love partner as well. How confusing it must be to be with someone when you never know how they are going to be the next time you are with them. This kind of unpredictability will get you nowhere. The relationship is doomed from the beginning. You are lying to yourself. It is certainly not putting your best foot forward. It is a major withhold which is dishonesty in action.

This is not being who you really are. It is not being honest with the one you're with, and most certainly not being honest with yourself. It is withholding that side of you that must always eventually be revealed if two people are to really know each other. How can someone get to know you if you never reveal your true self to them?

Another tendency is to only see the good in our new love partner in the beginning. I believe it is totally appropriate to look for the good in everyone; however, by contrast, it is a potentially unhealthy tendency to purposely overlook what we do not want to see.

We become carried away with the romance of it all. We hear bells and whistles and see shooting stars. We are moonstruck. Give it time and the negative seems to always surface. It is only a matter of time before the bubble bursts.

I choose to trust that my love partner can listen to the real me and know that what I reveal about myself is really who I am. I trust her to love me for who I am, not for who she thinks I should be.

Some may argue that there are certain things that you must never share with your love partner. Perhaps. That is a personal decision. However, if trust is to be present in your relationship, you must demonstrate your own personal integrity. For me, this means no withholds.

For purposes of this conversation, I am referring to letting your lover know who you really are. I do not mean revealing something you have done in your distant or not too distant past that is not relevant to your current situation. That is being irresponsible and may hurt your love partner or perhaps even destroy the trust that may be present now.

If you have things that you feel you must reveal to your love partner that may cast a permanent shadow over your relationship, you would be well advised to first seek the services of a professional therapist or spiritual leader before you make the final decision to do so.

If both love partners strive for a state of truly being who they are, without withholds, they will find that they can see both the negative and positive sides of each other early in the relationship. There is great value in this.

I believe it is possible to put your best foot forward and at the same time, very quickly allow your new love partner to see who you really are. It is risky.

We wonder, "If we let them see who we really are, will they go away?" The truth is, if we don't let them see who we really are they may go away anyway. All we see is a puff of smoke!

People love people who are real.

I would rather present myself for who I am. My love partner will either love me for who I am or she won't. I would rather make myself vulnerable, take the risk and know where I stand, than to withhold who I really am, only to have my love partner leave in six months because the me I withheld was not someone she was able to be with.

Make a mutual commitment to no withholds, another of the keys to success in a healthy love relationship.

Lawsuit Forces eHarmony to Offer Gay & Lesbian Dating Services

Last Wednesday Fox News reported that Internet dating site eHarmony had settled a discrimination lawsuit in New Jersey, and will begin accepting personal ads from gay and lesbian singles for the first time.

A New Jersey resident, Eric McKinley, sued the eight-year-old company in 2005 after it rejected his personal ad because he was gay. The state of New Jersey took up the case last year, and the Attorney General's office found that eHarmony had violated the state's anti-discrimination laws.

eHarmony, which was absolved by a court of any wrongdoing, has until March 31st of 2009 to launch the new gay dating site. They also agreed to ensure that same-sex users will be matched using the same technology used for its heterosexual clients and will post photographs of same-sex couples in the "Diversity" section of their web site and in advertising materials. The settlement also stated that eHarmony pay $50,000 to the state and $5,000 to Eric McKinley, the man who originally brought the suit against the company.

eHarmony plans to launch the new site called "Compatible Partners," and offer 10,000 free six-month subscriptions to interested parties. "We believed that the complaint resulted from an unfair characterization of our business," eHarmony said in a statement. "We ultimately decided it was best to settle with the Attorney General since litigation outcomes can be unpredictable."

The New Jersey settlement is not the only lawsuit filed against eHarmony for failing to accommodate sex-same users.

Linda Carlson, a California resident, sued the online dating service in May of 2007, alleging that it discriminated against gays, lesbians and bisexuals. Carlson said she tried to use the web site a month earlier to meet a woman, but was refused based on her sexual orientation. When Carlson wrote to eHarmony to complain, the company refused to change its policy.

The lawsuit claimed that by solely offering to find a compatible match for men seeking women or women seeking men, the company was violating state law barring discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

"Such outright discrimination is hurtful and disappointing for a business open to the public in this day and age," Carlson said in a statement.

The lawsuit, which is being litigated in Los Angeles Superior Court, named eHarmony.com Inc., Warren and Warren's wife, Marylyn, the company's former vice president, as defendants. It seeks class-action status, a jury trial and unspecified damages.

"We believe that this case is now essentially moot, and we're confident that we will prove that in court," Johnson said in a statement provided to FOXNews.com. "Now that we're entering the same-sex matching market, we fail to see what the Carlson plaintiffs could achieve through further litigation."

Sources:
The Associated Press
Fox News

Tell Them The Truth

A few months ago I heard Mike Robbins speak at an event I attended. I was extremely moved by his ability to convey passion, appreciation and gratitude through his presentation. Mike is a personal development coach, as well as the author of Focus on the Good Stuff: The power of Appreciation. Mike travels around the country empowering others and reminding them to focus more of their attention on what IS working, what they appreciate about those around them, and what they are proud of about themselves.

The following article is one of the many that he sends out on a monthly basis, I hope you enjoy it.

Tell Them The Truth
by Mike Robbins

Sometimes we think that appreciation is all about being “nice.” That’s not the case. Appreciation, in my opinion, is about recognizing the value of someone or something and about being able to empower ourselves and others. It is, however, also about coming from a place of gratitude, respect, and truth in our relationships with the people around us. Giving people honest feedback can be one of the best ways to appreciate them and let them know we that we care about them. This, however, isn’t always easy.

First of all, to give someone honest feedback you must have a foundation of trust and appreciation in your relationship with them. It’s also important to ask their permission and make sure it’s okay with them before you launch into your feedback.

Often we wait until it’s too late or we don’t say something because we’re scared about how they might react. It’s easy to say nothing or to just “blow smoke.” However, it takes real courage to speak your truth to another person.

The key is your intention. If your intention is to make a difference for that person, “clear” something that might be in your way with them, or help them see something they may not be able to see – you’re coming from a place that can empower and ultimately support that person. If your intention is to be superior, to show them how wrong they are and how right you are, or some version of either of these two things – you’re coming from your ego and your “truth” will most likely push them away.

I’ve recently been confronted with a number of situations like this in my own life. I’ve handled some of them very poorly - either by not speaking up or doing so in a self-righteous or ineffective way. There have been a handful of situations, however, where I’ve had the courage to speak up and say what was on my mind and in doing so something wonderful happened. Regardless of how we go about this, in the end it’s almost always better for us to speak up than not. We learn more about ourselves, get closer to the other person, and grow in the process.

When someone speaks a “hard truth” to me, I know that have a tendency to push back and defend myself initially. Once that happens, however, I’m usually able to hear their feedback and learn from it. Most importantly, I always appreciate their willingness and courage to say something honest and potentially vulnerable to me.

Look at your relationships - especially the most important ones. Where are you not telling the truth, not giving feedback, or worried to say something honest? What would it take for you to be willing to tell them the truth? What are you afraid of? What would be possible in your relationship with them if you spoke up?

I challenge to you to pick a few important people in your life that you’ve been afraid to speak your truth to and just do it. Remember that speaking your truth (with appreciation, honesty, and kindness) is a great gift for the people in your life and is one of the best ways you can acknowledge them and strengthen your relationship.

How will you speak the truth with appreciation and honesty?