Merry Christmas

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!

Tips for staying sane when going home for the holidays

As a lesbian, going home for the holidays, especially with your girlfriend, can be quite stressful. However, Kathy Belge, from About.com, has come up with a few tips for making it through this holiday season with minimal conflict.

Know your Family
If your parents have had a hard time accepting you for who you are, don’t expect things to be magically different at the holidays. Be sensitive to your parent’s position, but don’t do anything that truly compromises your own beliefs. Expect to be treated with respect, but don’t demand that they share all your beliefs. Choose your battles.

Get Support
Do you have an ally within your family? Talk to him or her in advance and let them know you might need a little extra support this visit. If there’s something specific you want them to do (interrupt homophobic jokes, keep Uncle Ted away from you) ask that too.

Plan Ahead
Are you bringing a partner home? Make sure your parents know she is coming. Don’t wait until you arrive at their house to discuss sleeping arrangements. Phone ahead and while you’re asking what you can bring to help with dinner or other celebrations, ask about sleeping arrangements. It may save you and your parents (not to mention your partner) from a fight. If things are too uncomfortable, consider staying in a hotel or with another friend or relative.

Set Realistic Expectations
What do you want out of this visit? Do you want to open up and share more of your life with your family, or do you just want to get through the visit without a major fight? If your goal is to make Aunt Mary see once and for all that gay marriage is a god-given right, maybe that’s not going to happen. Maybe a more realistic goal is to model for Aunt Mary that gays and lesbians have partners and families that they love and care about just as heterosexuals do.

Stay Connected to Your Friends
Have a supportive friend you can call if things get hard. Visit a local gay or lesbian bar, bookstore or community center.

Communicate
It’s amazing how much miscommunication can happen with the people who raised us. Many of the problems with our families come from lack of communication. Try to be as clear as you can without getting emotional. Ask for clarification before you launch into a tirade. If someone has an opposing viewpoint and you don’t think you can talk about it without bursting into tears, politely excuse yourself and call on one of your support people.

Take Care of Yourself
Don’t over eat or drink too much. Walk around the block, get some fresh air from time to time. Offer to run to the store to get some time alone or plan to do something special with a family member you particularly enjoy spending time with.

Breathe
The visit with your family won't last forever. Try to stay in the present and enjoy yourself. Remember that soon it will be over and you'll be on your way back to your own home.

Not Your Usual Lesbian Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is one of the few holidays that is celebrated throughout the world. And although many retailers would like you to believe that this holiday is all about the gift giving, there are many other ways you can make your sweetie feel special on Valentine's Day.

Here are a few ideas to give you a head start on your February 14th plans:

1. Try cooking a meal. Now don't freak out about this one, you don't have to be a gourmet chef to make a nice dinner for your partner. In fact, you can find recipes for chicken, steak or fish on the Internet that are surprisingly easy to follow. And if you’re a little too scared to attempt it alone, then perhaps you and your partner can cook a romantic meal together.
   
   


2. How about an evening at home? Rent some of her favorite movies, make some popcorn and cuddle on the couch while watching movies. You could even order in for dinner and have a romantic meal by the fire. Another possibility, if your lucky enough to have a bath tub, light some candles and take a romantic bath together.
   


3. Why not pamper yourselves? What better way to celebrate this day of love then by taking yourself and your partner to a spa. Spoil yourselves with massages, maybe a soak in the hot tub and then perhaps lounging in your robes while drinking tea.
   


4. Get a little creative. Why not make a scrapbook documenting some of the special moment in you relationship. Or try writing a poem about how the two of you met. If you’re really artistic, perhaps you could make a collage with photos, quotes, etc. Handmade gifts are always appreciated and if you need more ideas, there are some great Valentine’s day DIY ideas at ecobites.com
   


5. How about Love Coupons? Coupons can be easily created on your computer or by hand, and you can make them as specific as you like. In fact, you could even make some coupons that are romantic and others that might just relieve some stress in her life, such as doing all the house cleaning one weekend.
   
   Here are a few more coupon ideas…
   
   -Good for an evening of romance
   -Good for one kiss
   -Good for a weekend getaway
   -Good for one sensual act
   -Good for a massage
   -Good for one romantic dinner out
   -Good for a foot massage
   -Good for cleaning the dishes
   -Good for a home-cooked meal
   


6. Fulfill a fantasy. Yes, I am referring to a sexual fantasy. Perhaps start with a little role-playing or a maybe new sexual position? You know what they say, experimentation breeds’ excitement in the bedroom, and what better way to spend your Valentine's Day. But, if that is a bit too risqué for your taste, then perhaps you can try taking turns reading an erotic book to each other...that can be just as much fun and may lead to other activities, if you know what I mean…wink wink nudge nudge.
   


7. Make it a Surprise. Perhaps the most romantic gift of all, which may or may not be fulfilled by any of the above ideas, is to make whatever you do be a surprise. The best gestures are often those that are unexpected.

And If you do decide to buy your partner a gift, please try to be a bit more original then your basic long-stem roses and a plain box of chocolates. And while your at it, why not support the lesbian community as well? Here are a few gift ideas from companies that either cater to the lesbian community and/or are lesbian owned:

1. Jewelry-Love & Pride and Talk about it has some unique Jewelery items made specifically for the GLBT community.
   






2. Accessories and Art- 2Grrlz has some unique lesbian-centric accessories and artwork that would make a nice Valentine's Day gift.
   






3. Sex Toys - Lesbian Toy Shop and Two girls and their toys both offer quite the variety of sex toys, from glass dildos to nipple clamps, they seem to have it all.
   






4. Gourmet Chocolates - Poco Dolce is not your basic box of chocolates. Imagine tiles of silky dark chocolate with double roasted almond, crystallized Ginger, Burnt Caramel Toffee or Aztec Chile finished with smattering of sea-salt flakes...these are just a few of the options you will find with Poco Dolce.
   






5. Clothing - Dyke Tees has a variety of unique and stylish T-shirts and Family Evolutions has clothing and gifts for lesbians and their children.
   

Whatever it is you end up doing for Valentine's Day, don't stress about it! It isn't about the gifts, or the restaurant, it is about taking the time to appreciate each other and remember why the two of you decided to be together.

A Lesbian Holiday Gift Guide

Believe it or not, December is right around the corner, and you know what that means...no, I wasn't referring to the next season of L-Word (although that does begin on Jan 6th). Actually, I was referring to the the Holidays...you know, Christmas, Chanukah, Winter Solstice... So I guess the big question is...have you started shopping yet? Well, I have been thinking about just that subject lately. So to get a jump start on the gift giving season, I thought maybe I would help out by giving you a few gift ideas for all those lesbians in your life.

Book Ideas
Books are aways a great gift...and you don't have to worry about anyone's size. Here are a few that I thought might make a great gift.

Grl 2 Grl
by Julie Anne Peters
In this honest, emotionally captivating short story collection, renowned author and National Book Award finalist, Julie Ann Peters, offers a stunning portrayal of young women as they navigate the hurdles of relationships and sexual identity. From the young lesbian taking her first steps towards coming out, to the two strangers who lock eyes across a crowded train, Grl2Grl shows the rawness of teenage emotion as young women begin to discover the intricacies of love, dating and sexuality.


Jane's World Vol. 7
by Paige Braddock
Synopsis: Chelle is about to uncover the whereabouts of Virginia's missing ex, Rachel, when Jill is kidnapped by the Nevada Liberation Militia. Yes, those mullet-wearing chicks in plaid shirts hit Chelle up for a $2 million ransom, or no safe return of Jill. Meanwhile, Jane gets talked into manning the captain's chair of a 1984 Winnebago, on its annual "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" tour to Palm Springs... Only they never make it to Palm Springs! Mayhem ensues when guys in drag meet chicks with mullets and guns near the Sedona Vortex where Jane shape shifts into her animal totem and runs like the wind! Yeah baby... Girl on girl action, chicks with guns, a vegan menace, vintage Winnebagos and the powerful transformative energy of the Sedona Vortex... this book has it all!

In Deep Waters
by Radclyffe and Karin Kallmaker
Synopsis: From honeymooning couples to strangers with mutual desires, there are no secrets about what goes on between embarkation, midnight buffets and ports-of-call. Passengers, entertainers, ship's crew and tour staff explore every inch of each other and their floating paradise. The lounge. The ex's stateroom. The casino. The little room no one else has realized is so handy, and so private.

Best Lesbian Erotica 2007
by Tristan Taormino
Synopsis: A fire-eater, a voluptuous masseuse, and a naked game of tag in a forest at twilight — it could only be Best Lesbian Erotica 2007, the latest, boldest edition of the hottest lesbian erotica series in America. In Andrea Miller’s “Heavenly Bodies,” an adventurous woman sleeps her way through the zodiac, her twelve lovers including romantic Cancer, exhibitionist Leo, and an unforgettably raw, dominant Scorpio. Peggy Munson twists and teases the canon in “Subtexts,” a hardcore butch-femme re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood, Moby-Dick, and other tales that already sound dirty. Edited by award-winning author, adult film director, and sex educator Tristan Taormino, and selected and introduced by Emma Donoghue, these fearless stories will stir your senses and test your erotic boundaries.


Movies Ideas
Movies are another great gift idea, I mean who doesn't like movies??? Here are a few lesbian related movies I thought might make a good gift.

The Gymnast
Synopsis: Talented Jane Hawkins (Dreya Weber, Lovely & Amazing) was an impressive gymnast at the top of her game until a devastating injury ended her career. Years later, a chance meeting sets Jane on a new path – performing a cirque style aerial act with a mysterious dancer named Serena (Addie Yungmee). As the stunning pair prepares for a Las Vegas show, the pull between them becomes increasingly unavoidable.


Loving AnnabelleWriter/director Katherine Brooks adapts the classic lesbian drama Mädchen in Uniform with this tale of a precocious senator's daughter and Catholic boarding school student who falls desperately in love with her beautiful poetry teacher. Simone Bradley (Diane Gaidry) is a teacher who finds peace within the walls of Saint Theresa's school, and purpose in bringing the wonders of poetry to her young female students. Though newly arrived student Annabelle (Erin Kelly) has notable intelligence and charisma to spare, her fiery disobedience finds the stern headmistress imploring Simone to reign in the young rebel. But Annabelle's insubordination is about to become the least of Simone's concerns, because when the advances of the passionate young woman reveal her teacher's innermost desires, the devoted teacher will be forced to choose between her career and an affair that could quite possibly destroy her livelihood. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide


Exterminating Angels
From the director who scandalized France with Secret Things, comes The Exterminating Angels, a film that will shock you, make you think and turn you on. Francois is a filmmaker holding auditions for his upcoming film about female pleasure. He expects the process to be unconventional but cannot predict the danger that so much arousal can cause. As his female cast embarks on a journey of intense physical pleasure-seeking they become emotionally involved with the director and each other. This film brings new meaning to the warning to never mix business with pleasure.


Lword Season 4
THE L WORD Season 4 picks up with the women wrestling with issues close to their hearts. As with previous seasons, old demons rear their ugly heads and a host of new characters are brought into their fold, offering them access to a broader community with diverse issues. THE L WORD® stars Jennifer Beals, Leisha Hailey, Laurel Holloman, Mia Kirshner, Katherine Moennig, Dallas Roberts, Daniela Sea, Rachel Shelley, and Pam Grier. Newest additions to the cast include Cybill Shepherd, Marlee Matlin, Janina Gavankar and Rose Rollins. Special guest stars are Rosanna Arquette, Eric Roberts, Bruce Davison, Kristanna Loken and Jane Lynch. This season, the war in Iraq becomes an integral part of Alice's (Hailey) life as she struggles to move on after the death of Dana; Helena (Shelley) tries to find financial independence and come to terms with leaving behind a world of privilege; Phyllis Kroll (Shepherd) -- who takes the courageous plunge late in life to come out of the closet -- risking everything that has defined her life up to now; and, Bette (Beals) has to deal with Jodi Lerner (Matlin), a woman who confronts her head-on about her Type-A personality.


Lesbian Sex & Sexuality
Lesbian Sex and Sexuality will take viewers on an uncharted and provocative journey where the subject of lesbian sexuality and desire isn't whispered, but celebrated.






Puccini for Beginners
Synopsis: New York writer and opera addict Allegra (Elizabeth Reaser, The Family Stone) loves her girlfriend Samantha (Julianne Nicholson, Kinsey), but can’t commit. When Samantha leaves her, Allegra rebounds with handsome philosophy professor Phillip (Justin Kirk, Angels in America) as well as the irresistibly beautiful, recently single Grace (Gretchen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page). Allegra juggles secret relationships with both of them, never suspecting that Philip and Grace have a connection of their own. With a sophisticated blend of humor and irony, this screwball sex comedy twists and turns with all the drama of classic Puccini.

Calendars
Calendars have always been a traditional Holiday gift in my family, but with calendars like these, I think I will save these for my "extended family."


Provocater
These incredible black and white images of women's bodies, by Theresa LoSchiavo, make this the must have Lesbian calendar for 2008.






On the Lips 2008 Calendar
Photographer Judy Francesconi's On the Lips 2008 calendar brings us 16 months of women in love and lust.







Sirens
This 2008 Calendar, by photographer Saryn Angel, show a unique representation of woman, sexuality, power and pleasure in all it's playfulness.







Sex Toys
Whether your looking for something special for your partner, or a gift for your best friend (usually your ex), sex toys are always a fun possibility. Here are a few items that might make the perfect Holiday gift.

Lap of Luxury Kit
Here is what Babeland has to say about this kit.

"Whoever called diamonds 'a girl’s best friend' clearly never received the Form 6 deluxe vibrator as a present. It’s impeccably crafted, waterproof, body-friendly, and offers a range of sensations from pulsations to oscillations to vibrations. Giving the Form 6 instead of an ordinary vibe is like buying a Lexus instead of an ordinary car; once you’ve enjoyed this ride, you’ll never go back. Kit includes a sleek glass bottle filled with slippery, high-quality Entice lube and a 1-ounce bottle of Babeland Toy Cleaner."

Archer Wand
Here is what Babeland has to say about this item:

"A G-spotter to thrill your inner Aphrodite, this gorgeous curved dildo with wide rounded ends is guaranteed to hit the spot. If you love G-spot stimulation or want an artfully crafted tool to find yours, this captivating clear Pyrex bow is perfectly angled for a woman to reach her own G-spot, and it makes for a thrilling addition to partner play. For women who find fingers and thin toys too pointy, the smooth blunt balls feel purrrfect. Comes in a Ruby Red velvet case. 9" long, the balls are 1-1/2" in diameter while the handle is 3/4" wide."

Feeldoe

"Feeldoe is a harness-free strap-on for women. The bulb is inserted into the vagina and the dildo extends out at a natural angle to penetrate your partner. There are ridges at the base of the dildo for clitoral stimulation when thrusting and also an added bonus of a small vibrator, which can be inserted into the end of the dildo, or left out, Holding it in gives you stronger orgasms, as the kegel muscle responsible for those gets a good exercise. it's silicone, it's flexible, warms to body heat, hypoallergenic and hygienic (boilable and bleachable in a 10% solution). The main part of the Feeldoe is 7" in length and 1 1/2" in width. The bulb part is 3 1/2" long by 1 3/4" in diameter."

Clothing/Accessories/Jewelry
If you need gifts for those lesbians in your life who have a passion for stylish clothing, accesories or jewelry, here are a few ideas for some more "lesbian centric" items.

Leather Cuffs
I saw these great leather cuffs at the DITC shop (Dykes in the city). These cuffs are made with extremely soft black leather. They offer two separate styles, one with brass hardware around the outside of the cuff and one with brass hoops throughout the cuffs. Each cuff is embossed with the ditc logo.


Doormat
I found this Doormat at a site called psychotherapy clothing. This is a great site with a variety of T-shirts and novelty products that take a humorous look at psychological terms and social issues. I chose this Doormat for my gift guide because I knew my GF would get a kick out of it...plus, I thought what a great gift for that person in your life that still doesn't quite "get it," if you know what I mean.



Double Venus Pendant with stone pendant
This beautiful Sterling Silver pendent was designed by Jane Iris.

"Venus is the planet associated with the yin qualities of affection,receptivity,creativity and harmony. Coupled together,the Double Venus has become a symbol for Lesbians."

Well I am sure I could have come up with a million more ideas, but I do have a life, so I better get back to it. Hopefully, if nothing else, I at least got you into the Holiday shopping mood.