Transgender & Gender Queer 101

Article from Gendercrash.com

Transgender

Transgender is the common umbrella term for people who transgress gender norms or cross society's idea of gender lines. Transgender folks can identify their sexual orientation as heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Transgender is about gender identity and gender expression not sexual orientation.

Gender- Self-expression, performance, actions, behavior, dress, grooming of culturally prescribed norms based on binary of male and female.

Gender Identity - Inner sense of ‘being’ male or female, both, or neither, includes sense of self and one’s image presented to the world. Self-identification.

Gender Binary System - Culturally defined code of acceptable behavior only for 2 gender system of male/female. Men/boys are to exhibit masculine gender presentation, behaviors, and social roles. Women/girls are to exhibit feminine gender presentation, behaviors, and social roles.

Assigned Sex/Gender -Based on physical anatomy of genitalia.

The Transgender community includes, but not limited to the following labels and identities:

Transexual

MTF (male to female) transsexual woman- person born/ Assigned Gender at birth as male/boy transitions to live and identify full time as female/woman

FTM (female to male) transsexual man- person born/ Assigned Gender at birth as female/girl transitions to live and identify full time as male/man

Live Full Time- to live and identify in the gender they have transitioned to or self identify as, may or may not use medical intervention such as hormones or sex reassignment surgery (SRS) depending on financial ability, health, and access, but does do a socail transistion and identify and live as the “opposite” the gender they were born. Social transistion can include changing name (legally or through common usage), dressing in clothing of gender they identify with and using pronouns of gender they identify with. Sexual orientation may or may not change with the person’s transition and transsexuals can be heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Other identities under the Transgender umbrella:

Cross Dresser- person who wears clothing opposite their assigned gender, usually not all the time. Does not identify as the opposite gender identity. Example, men who wear what we consider to be women's clothing and women who wear traditionally male attire.
* Why cross-dress? This varies and can include playfulness (i.e., performance), sexual pleasure, or feelings of comfort and relaxation. Some describe feelings of relief when cross-dressed as the pressures associated with their gender role are shed with the clothing. identify as cross-dressers may question their gender role or gender expression (how they are "supposed" to appear or act), but not their gender identity. They generally do not want to live as the opposite gender; in other words, most male cross-dressers identify as male, are comfortable being male, and do not want to change that.
* Adapted from Making Women's Shelters Accessible to Transgendered Women Allison Cope & Julie Darke October 1999

Drag Queen- person, sometimes gay men, impersonating famous females, usually for performance also called female illusionists.

Drag King- person, sometimes lesbians, impersonating famous males, usually for performance

*GENDER NON-CONFORMING PEOPLE “Gender non-conforming” refers to people whose gender expressions do not match stereotypes of how girls/women or boys/men are “supposed to” look and act. In reality, most people in general don’t meet all gender expectations and stereotypes either; almost nobody is perfectly masculine or perfectly feminine. The reason gender nonconforming people are included in the list of transgender people is that there are some people who identify as transgender, but are not transitioning gender, and do not consider themselves cross-dressers, androgynous, or genderqueer.
* Adapted from TRANSITIONING OUR SHELTERS

GenderQueer

GenderQueer term started to come into use in approximately the late 1990’s. It has been associated with primarily youth communities and those who are white and where born female and are now along the masculine spectrum, but there are many folks along the age and race/ethnic spectrum that use it to describe themselves and also those who where born male and are along the feminine spectrum. Has also been written as Gender Queer or Genderqueer.

Current working definition:

GenderQueer: those who identify their gender outside the gender binary system of male and female, maybe fluid with gender presentation or not conform to gender stereotypes and may use gender neutral pronouns such as “sie, hir, hir, hirs, hirself” or "zie, zir, zir, zirs, zirself" or choose to use the pronoun closest to the end of the masculine or feminine spectrum they are presenting. Some may do some or all of medical transition or none at all. Some may change their birth name. It is also used by some to describe both their gender identity and their sexuality as queer.

Other terms that gender non-conforming or those who have gender identities outside the binary gender system are boy dyke, dyke boy, boi, and by some youth in communities of color are femme queens, butch boi, or drags.

Intersex (is not a transgender identity)
*intersexuality is a set of medical conditions that features "congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system." That is, a person with an intersex condition is born with sex chromosomes, external genitalia, or an internal reproductive system that is not considered "standard" for either male or female.
*Adapted from “Introduction to intersex activism” from Intersex Society of North America www.isna.org

What Do Butches Want?

So have you ever heard the name Felice Newman? Maybe you've heard of her book, “Whole Lesbian Sex?,” ringing any bells yet? Well, Felice Newman is a sex educator and certified Somatic Coach, as well as the author of The whole lesbian sex book: A passionate Guide for all of us. And yes, I do have my very own copy…it lives right under my bed and gets pulled out from time -to-time when I am feeling creative and...umm...well... I digress…

Anyway, Ms Newman has written many amazing and educational articles and I thought it might be fun to share one of my favorite articles with you. And if your wondering what exactly I like about these articles, I guess it's the fact that she holds nothing back...she doesn't beat around the bush (no pun intended), she just comes right out and says it all!!! Oh, and this is definitely for "Mature" audiences...okay, maybe I shouldn't say mature, how about I just say 18 and over???


Author Felice Newman

Butches, bois, stone butches. A sexy brew of masculinity in a female body. Do they, well, you know, get fucked? Heels in the air or on their knees, do butches give it up? And if they don't, what do they like?

That was the question a femme, newly smitten with her first butch partner, asked me recently: "What do butches want?"

Many butches like strap-on sex. Some like clitoral stimulation and some like cunnilingus. Others like rimming and anal penetration. And yes, some butches like getting fucked vaginally.

If getting a partner off is central to lesbian sex, it's paramount to butch sex. Often what a butch wants most is to drive a silicone dildo – or fingers or a hand – into the place that will please a partner most – cunt, asshole, or mouth. When your butch is bringing you to orgasm, her body becomes a conduit for sexual energy.

Of course, let's not assume your butch requires direct genital stimulation to get off.

Just the visuals of that dildo thrusting in and out of you may be enough to push your butch over the edge. The base of the dildo rubbing against her clit (perhaps with the help of a well-placed egg vibe) may provide the stimulation she needs. Many butches slip a hand under their harness and take care of themselves.

The real question is this: Is there something wrong with a partner who doesn't want you paying attention to her genitals. Is that a hurdle to be overcome or a preference, thank you very much?

Don't assume that every stone needs to be melted. That butch's sexuality is her business. For some, it is indeed a preference. Others may go to great lengths to explore the source of their disinclination to receiving touch, much less vaginal penetration. They may examine all the nooks and crannies of their histories and turn every rock in their psychic gardens. They can work through past trauma and come to terms with gender dysphoria. And then decide – you know what? – it was a preference all along. Not everyone wants to get fucked.

But some do. Some butches want to explore receptive sex. It's an individual choice. If a butch decides she wants to explore receptivity, there are many ways to go about that. (For starters, it helps to have a partner who accepts her exactly as she is.) Here are some suggestions:

Femmes, don't run out and buy a sparkly red patent leather strap-on. Take it slow.

Butches, bust your own myths. Many butches believe that "real" butches don't get penetrated. ("Well, maybe in the ass. But if you eroticize your female genitals, you're not really butch.") Not true.

By opening up the subject with your partner, you, as the butch, are not agreeing to give up your identity or your lifelong sexual practices. It's just a conversation. You don't have to change a thing.

Don't conflate receptivity with "bottoming." If you're into power play, you can construe a scene where the butch "orders" the femme to "service" her.

In any case, the butch directs the action, deciding how far to go and when to quit – no judgments.

Receptivity is an energetic quality that can be cultivated – it isn't necessarily about who's doing what to whom. In fact, you can be stone through and through and be receptive. How? Well, you can be open and inviting of the pleasures of the senses rather than closed or defended.

So what do butches want? Well, a lot of things – a classic hand job or blow job. Your butch may put her heels in the air in her own rendition of Bend Over Boyfriend. She may even invite your fingers, hand, or mouth to explore her body inside and out. When she's packing for you, dear femme, she wants you spread before her, your body wrapped around her sex. However that butch likes to get off is good – because that truly is what she wants.


Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us.