Late-in-Life Lesbian Documentary

With prominent women like Kelly McGillis, Carol Liefer and Cynthia Nixon coming Out later in life, many are wondering what the deal is with this late-in-life lesbian phenomenon.

Filmmakers Beatrice Alda (daughter of actor Alan Alda) and her partner, Jennifer Brooke felt that the subject was important enough to create a 2008 documentary titled "Out Late."

The idea for the documentary, which looks at the lives of five women who found new sexual identities after the age of 55, came from a friend of the couple's named Jason.

"Jason's mother was in her 80s, unhappy and divorced 40 years ago," said Alda. "He said, 'I think she may be a lesbian and doesn't know it.' It's not as uncommon as you think."

One of the film's subjects, Elaine, came out at age 79, after 50 years of marriage.

"It was something she felt she had to do," Brooke told ABCNews.com. "She bumped into two strangers at a market and said, basically, 'Are you two partners? I need to talk to you,' and she used them in the most positive way as an avenue to free herself. And she never turned back."

Many women who came of age in the 1940s and 1950s, like Elaine, were taught it was their "duty" to marry and have children.

In the 19th and 20th centuries, women celebrated "romantic friendships," according to Leila Rupp, professor of feminist studies at University of California at Santa Barbara and author of "Sapphistries: A Global History of Love Between Women." One of the most famous was that of first lady Eleanor Roosevelt, who had an "intense, passionate" relationship with journalist Lorena Hickok in the 1930s.

However, it wasn't until the development of the feminist movement in the 70's that gave women more control of their bodies. "Now there are more options for women, and it's more socially acceptable," Rupp stated. "But it's not just about biology."

For more information about the documentary, you can visit Forever Film's Website.

Source:
Abc News
Forever Films

Coming Out in Midlife - Your First Lesbian Date

You're 38 years old, give or take a few, you have just gone through the shock of figuring out you are a lesbian...now what? If you are in a position to meet other like-minded women and seek out a relationship, you will most certainly be thinking about dating. And you have to start somewhere--your first lesbian date.

The concept is the same as any date: two people meeting to learn more about each other in order to determine if there will be a second date. Remember this principle! You are deciding on a second date, not on a lifetime commitment. In my experience, many lesbians who do not experience instant sparks on the first date don't ask for a second date. Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself or your date. While attraction may be instant, most times love needs time and nurturing to grow. If you are on a date, having a nice time together and seem reasonably compatible, go on a second date. Enjoy yourself.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you do feel an instant attraction on the first date, take it slow. There is an ongoing lesbian joke involving U-Haul rentals following first dates--if you haven't heard about that yet, you will. Most times these flash--in--the-pan attractions result in short lived and stormy affairs. Having an attraction doesn't insure compatibility over the long haul--that just takes time. Be patient.

OK, so back to first date basics. Who asks for the date? In straight relationships, most times the guy takes the initiative. No more! It-s up to one of you to do it. My advice is to jump in. The sooner you ask, the less anxiety you will have agonizing over the anticipation. You will also develop confidence and it will be easier the next time. Make your invitation to date as personal as possible. In person or on the phone are preferable to e-mail or IM'ing.

You can either offer to pick up your date or meet up with each other. There are no rules. You may want to consider this, however. Picking up at the home will also mean dropping off at the home later, presenting the possibility of being asked in for a nightcap. This may or may not be desirable, depending on your comfort level after the date.

As in the straight world, expectations of sexual activity following a first date vary widely among lesbians. You should never do more than you are comfortable with. You should clearly state what your limits are if you are feeling pressured. Likewise, don't pressure your date. That's just bad manners. It is a good idea to think about your personal limits and desires ahead of time. Kissing is common and if this is your first time kissing a woman and you are nervous, that's normal. Relax, you'll be fine! (really fine!)

Paying for the date is the next sticky wicket. Again, no rules. If you have been the one to initiate the date, you may want to pay. Or your date may offer and insist. Or you can split the bill. The only caution here concerns obligation. If you go on additional dates and she continues to insist on paying, she may be really nice, rich and can afford it or she may be trying to set up a controlling relationship. Beware.

There is one really disconcerting thing that I had not foreseen on my first lesbian date: the trip to the rest room. When I told my date I needed the facilities, she said, "Oh, me too," and followed me in. It was just a little strange relieving myself, knowing my date was in the next stall!

Remember, the goal of your first date is to learn more about each other, test your compatibility and decide if you want to go on a second date. Keep these points in mind and have a fabulous time! Happy hunting!

This article was wriiten by Pat Cheney, MBA, a life coach specializing in mixed orientation marriage issues.




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