Lesbians and Dating.com Online Personal Site After Holiday Special

As some of you may already know, earlier this year I launched an online lesbian and dating personal site www.lesbiansanddating.com. And if you have been thinking about joining, now is the time to do it. Basic membership is free and if you decide to upgrade to a Premium Membership (where you can initiate an e-mail conversation or respond to a smile with an e-mail), now through 12/31/09 we are offering a special "After the Holidays" deal where you can get 1 month for only $24.95. All you have to do is enter the coupon code "xmone," when you upgrade your membership, it really is that easy.

Our Lesbian and Dating site is intended to serve as a safe, online meeting place for single lesbians of all ages who are looking for love, a relationship or just some fun.

Basic membership is free, and once you join you will be able to browse through the thousands of profiles from women living in your area, your country or around the world. And with over 7000 members, why not check it out.

What we offer:

• Create a profile and upload photos
  
• Receive and reply to E-mail from other members
  
• Freely send smiles to break the ice to any member
• Search Worldwide network of members

Your safety and privacy is important to us:

• All private data is held on secure servers so you don’t need to worry about identity theft
• Members personal information is kept secure and never given or sold to third parties
• You will never receive unsolicited e-mails

Lesbiansdanddating.com is partnered with TangoWire, a vast dating network with more than 4,000 websites providing dating services to more than 70 online dating communities.

Join today and see for yourself.

Domestic Violence: Abuse in Lesbian Relationships

Article from Womensweb.com

Violence against women in now recognized as a significant health issue. Abuse in lesbian relationships must also be recognized as a major health concern in our communities. Victims of abuse may be affected sexually, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

Although violence against lesbians occurs in other contexts (e.g., lesbian bashing and heterosexual rape), this article focuses on abuse in intimate relationships. Although the principles presented in this article apply equally to these contexts, this article also presents additional dynamics in cases of abuse against lesbians outside their intimate relationships. It provides guidelines for lesbians, friends, and helping professionals responding to lesbian abuse.

Fears about coming forward and discussing abuse

Until fairly recently, violence in lesbian relationships has been a taboo subject and one best kept "behind closed doors". Only in the recent past have women begun to name and discuss their abusive relationships. One reason is that, until recently, abuse has been hidden. However, additional factors have made it more difficult for lesbians to discuss abuse in their relationships.

For many lesbians, a same-sex relationship is a positive alternative to heterosexual relationships. It's often assumed that women interact in a caring and supportive fashion and that as a result, they cannot be abusers. Consequently, it's commonly thought that abuse occurs only in heterosexual relationships. Consider also society's prejudices and misconceptions about lesbians. There is fear that open discussion will generate even more negative images and notions about the lesbian community.

The larger social context

In speaking about violence in lesbian relationships, we must always consider the larger social context of lesbians' lives. Violence against lesbians may stem from hatred of women (misogyny) and fear of homosexuals (homophobia). It can also be linked to other forms of domination within society, such as racism and classism. These can provide the framework that allows abusive relations between people.

For instance, in our society, women often report feeling devalued or commodified—feeling like little more than sexual objects or property. Because they are seen as sexual deviants threatening the social and moral fabric of society, lesbians are often ostracized and discriminated against.

Where heterosexist and misogynist views exist, anger, fear, and rage can be misdirected at partners who have come to represent those things we've been taught to hate in ourselves. Like others in our society, lesbians are a product of their upbringing; they could have been been exposed to unhealthy patterns of dealing with conflict and anger. They may have learned about relationships from abusive families and may not have learned how to behave appropriately in an intimate and caring relationship.

Violence and violent patterns may be learned. A person who has learned violent patterns may use violence as a means to gain and maintain control of another person. Therefore, as a result of societal influences, abuses of power, ownership, and control can exist in lesbian relationships.

Types of abuse

As seen, abuse is a pattern of behavior in which physical violence and/or emotional coercion is/are used to gain and maintain power or control in a relationship. Abuse may be continuous, or it may be a single incident of assault. Abuse may be physical, sexual, psychological/emotional, or ecomonomic. It can include threats, the destruction of property, and/or stalking/harassing behavior. (See Types of Abuse for more information and concrete examples.)

Prevalence of violence

At present, there are no reliable statistics clearly demonstrating the scope of lesbian abuse. Although studies have attempted to identify the incidence of lesbian violence, there has been little consistency in the results. Therefore, lesbians must often rely on anecdotal reports to fully appreciate the scope of abuse within the lesbian community. Some report having been subjected to psychological and emotional abuse. Others report physical or sexual assault. Unfortunately, few victims of abuse seek counseling or legal/medical services. It seems even fewer turn to police, shelters, or distress lines, believing social service workers, health care officials, and police need to become educated in order to address the issue properly and appropriately.

Why does lesbian abuse happen? Myths and facts

Although there are many explanations as to why abuse occurs in lesbian relationships, these are often myths fueled by stereotypes, fear and prejudice. Below are some common myths:

• Myth: Lesbian relationships are never abusive.

  Fact: Although it's commonly thought that lesbians are caring and supportive to one another, violence does exist in some relationships.

• Myth: Lesbian violence occurs only in "butch" and "femme" relationships. The "butch" is the batterer and the "femme" is the victim.

  Fact: Regardless of the fact that most lesbians do not assume explicitly butch-femme roles, the roles themselves do not automatically dictate who has more power or the desire to exercise more control in the relationship.

• Myth: Abuse between lesbians is mutual. Both partners contribute equally to the violence.

  Fact: This myths assumes that lesbian relationships are always equal partnerships. In violent relationships, there is often a perpetrator and a victim. A perpetrator cannot be distinguished by any features such as size, height, or age. Defending oneself against an attacker must be examined closely as it may be mistakenly construed either as initiating or equally contributing to abuse.

• Myth: Abusive lesbian relationships involve apolitical lesbians or lesbians who are part of the lesbian bar culture.

  Fact: Violence in lesbian relationships is not limited to any particular "type" of lesbian. Abuse transcends race, class, age, political affiliation, and interests.

• Myth: Lesbian violence is caused by substance abuse, stress, childhood violence, or provocation.

  Fact: While these factors may account for an abuser's patterns of abusive behavior, there is no simple cause-and-effect relationship. Abusers have choices and can control their behavior. Abusers must assume responsibility for their actions; there's no excuse or justification for violence.

2009 Butch-Femme.com Las Vegas Bash Columbus Day Weekend

Thursday, October 08, 2009 at 5:00 PM - Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 11:00 PM

What: Las Vegas Bash! Las Vegas, Nevada

When: October 8th - October 11th, 2009

Costs: Early Registration is $95.00 per person until August 30th. After that you can purchase Regular Registration tickets for $135.00. (Does not cover alcohol.) There will be NO REFUNDS after August 30th. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Where: The official host hotel where most events will be held is Bally's Las Vegas right in the middle of the fabulous and historic Las Vegas Strip! Room rates are $69.00 Sun-Thurs and $109.00 Fri-Sat.

Book your room NOW! The cut-off date to get a room in our block at these rates is September 17th, 2009.

Hotel Reservations: Bally's Las Vegas, 3645 Las Vegas Blvd South, Las Vegas, NV 89109 1-800-634-3434
Hotel Code: SBBFB9


E V E N T O V E R V I E W

THURSDAY October 8
Meet n' Greet Cheese Tasting Party
5pm-9pm
Diamond Lounge
Bally's Las Vegas
The Meet n' Greet is a reunion for old friends and a chance to put new faces with familar names. This year it will be held in the swanky intimate Diamond Lounge located inside Bally's Las Vegas. There will be drinks and munchies. You can check in with registration, get your Bash packet, and get to know everyone.

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FRIDAY October 9

Butch-Femme.com's Famous Slut Night
& "Studs and Divas Risque Cabaret"
8pm-1am
TBA
Don your desire attire and prepare for an evening you won't forget! This year's Slut Night will come alive at a hot club reserved for our folks only. We'll have the dance floor and the stage all to ourselves. The Sin City Fabulous Slut Night promises to be over the top! Our DJ for the evening, from 'da Bay, DJ Olga T.

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SATURDAY October 21

Fabulous Butch-Femme Grand Ball
8pm- 1am
Skyview Ballroom
Bally's Las Vegas
It's like the prom you never had, a special night when we honor who we are and how we love. Expect a relaxing, upscale evening with your DJ, dancing and socializing until midnight. This year we are in the Skyview Ballroom, which sits atop Bally's with a magnificent view of the strip. A cash bar and a nice assortment of hors d'oeuvres, dessert, and coffee will be available. Our DJ for the evening, a Butch-Femme.com favorite, DJ Luna.

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SUNDAY October 22
Sunday Farewell Champagne Brunch
11am-1pm
Le Village Buffet - Paris Hotel
Price: $24.99
It's our last day together. We know your tired and hungover, but put on your best Jackie O sunglasses, throw on your baseball cap slung low over your eyes and hustle your way down to the Paris Hotel for one of the best brunches in Vegas. A departure from the traditional Las Vegas-style buffet, this extraordinary dining experience takes buffet dining to a higher echelon by featuring live-action stations, the freshest ingredients and food cooked to order in a remarkable French village settings. The price for brunch is $24.99 paid directly to the restaurant. We certainly hope to see you there!

Community Rally
2pm-4pm
TBA
A open group meeting to discuss the collective "us" and how we can make our community an inviting place for all Butches and Femmes. Last year, this meeting was one of the most amazing get-togethers of the the entire weekend with over 80 Butches, Femmes, FtMs in attendance. This year, we are going to come up with a plan to actually GET THINGS DONE. We will be discussing the movement of BF.com into a 501c3. Join us.

Gender Trash Karaoke
7PM-11PM
Imperial Palace Karaoke Club
For those diehard Butches and Femmes who never want the weekend to end... one more last hurrah before we go our seperate ways. If karaoke is anything like last the last years, this might be the most outrageous event of the weekend.

Click Here to Register

2008 Butch-Femme.com Bay Area Bash

Columbus Day Weekend

October 9th to October 12th
Oakland, California

What: Bay Area Bash! Oakland, CA

When: October 9th - October 12th, 2008

Costs: Early Registration is $95.00 per person until August 30th. After that you can purchase Regular Registration tickets for $135.00. (Does not cover alcohol.) There will be NO REFUNDS after August 30th. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Where: The official host hotel where most events will be held is the Marriott City Center in fabulous and historic downtown of Oakland. Room rates are $135.00 per night.

Hotel Reservations: Marriott City Center, 1001 Broadway, Oakland, CA 94607: 510-451-4000

Hotel Code: BFBash (if you are calling by phone)

Make your reservations online by clicking here. Please note that the url already contains the online group code, just plug in your dates and it will automatically find the Butch-Femme.com rate.

The Marriott City Center is located in fabulous and historic downtown Oakland. Located right across the street from the BART system, the Marriott City Center is 4 miles from Berkley, 8 miles from San Francisco and 34 miles from Napa Valley. For more hotel information click here.

For a map of downtown Oakland click here.

E V E N T S O V E R V I E W

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 9TH, 2008

Meet n' Greet
5pm-8pm
AJ Toppers
Marriott City Center

The Meet n' Greet is a reunion for old friends and a chance to put new faces with familar names. This year it will be held in the beautiful AJ Toppers Skybar at the Marriott City Center. There will be drinks (cash bar) and munchies. You can check in with registration, get your Bash packet, and get to know everyone.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10TH, 2008

**Friday Excursions**

San Francisco is a hop, skip and a jump from the hotel. The ButchFemmeSocials group has generously offered to host the excursions this year into the city. The BART is literally right outside the hotel and Bay Area locals will be escorting groups to the different locations listed here.

All excursions will leave the hotel at 11am, returning around 3pm.

The Castro
World famous as the gay Mecca, the Castro draws gays and lesbians from all over the world, as well as visitors who just plain want something to tell the folks back home. Even with its rainbow-flag-waving, in-your-face style, the Castro is a friendly neighborhood that welcomes visitors of all stripes. Straight locals hang out here, too, mostly to shop the trendy boutiques and catch films at the truly noteworthy Castro Theatre. Streets lined with brightly painted Victorians make the Castro a good place to view the architecture for which San Francisco is famous.

The Mission
This historically Hispanic area is a vibrant enclave of shops, bars, taquerias, chic restaurants and the like. Keep your eye open for the numerous murals in the neighborhood. Mission and 24th streets radiate a south-of-the-border attitude, and Valencia Street leans more to the young and hip: It's peppered with bars, cafes, bookstores and vintage-clothing shops. Start your tour of the area at Mission Dolores (16th and Dolores streets) and stroll down Valencia to 24th Street.

Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, Ghirardelli Square Covering about half a dozen blocks along the waterfront, constitute much of the stereotypical San Francisco image and together are perhaps the most popular things to do in San Francisco. Tourists walking here are entertained by street performers and tempted by souvenir shops and restaurants. While these places are popular, and many people feel they haven't visited San Francisco unless they've seen them, keep in mind that this tourist haven bears little resemblance to the rest of the city of San Francisco.

Things to Do In Oakland*

Jack London Square is Oakland's historical waterfront location. The square enchants visitors and is the essential element of everything Oakland is...a vibrant community destination buzzing with events, shopping, dining, entertainment, and recreation.

Lake Merritt is a focal point, it stands as the jewel of Oakland, even crowned with lights. A unique fresh and salt-water lake, the largest such lake located within an urban area consisting of 3.4 miles around the circumference of the lake, covering 155 acres of land.

*These are not excursions, just some local sightseeing to do on your own.

Not interested in any of these excursions? Click here to explore other things to see in the Bay Area!

The Eat 'n' Beat Leather Social*
hosted by ropeburner
The Citadel
12pm-5pm

Wanna come out an' play??? Here's your chance! The Bay Area locals are hosting a play party that will double as this year's Leather Social. The Eat 'n' Beat is at the SF Citadel. The SF Citadel is a dual level 5,400 square foot facility, well equipped for a variety of uses, featuring:

• Social area, with plush sofas and loveseats
• Fully functioning kitchen
• Two restrooms
• Multipurpose space for meeting, workshops & other small gatherings
• Separate dining area

*There is a separate charge for this event to cover the costs of the play space and lunch. You may purchase your ticket to this event on the registration page.

**Friday Pre-Slut Night Dinners**

Couples Dinner
5pm-7pm
La Chevel
1007 Clay Street (right behind the hotel within walking distance)

Singles Mingle
5pm-7pm
TBA

POC Dinner
5pm-7pm
TBA

**Friday Night Slut Night**

Butch-Femme.com's
Famous Slut Night &
"Studs and Divas Risque Cabaret"
8pm-???
Historic Sweets Ballroom
Featured DJ: OlgaT
Guest DJ: La Niche aka LatinaButch
1933 Broadway
Oakland, CA

An excuse to seduce, Slut Night is an evening you won't forget! This year's Slut Night will come alive at the hottest club reserved for our B-F.com peeps only. OlgaT, the premier DJ in the Bay Area, will be spinning her tracks for all of us to shake our groove thang.

We'll have the dance floor and the stage all to ourselves. If you are interested in performing please contact B-F.com's very own Poochie (aka Kentucky Fried Woman aka the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader from our last Slut Night, Dallas) who will be coordinating our lineup this year. Our own celebrated Emcee Bubblinsugare will host the "Studs and Divas Risque Cabaret" with Femme and Drag King performers from our global B-F.com community.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11TH, 2008

B-F.com Grand Ball
8pm-12am
Marriott City Center
C. Simmons Ballroom and Foyer

It's like the prom you never had, a special night when we honor who we are and how we love. Expect a relaxing, upscale evening with DJ OlgaT. A cash bar and a nice assortment of hors d'oeuvres, dessert, and coffee will be available.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12TH, 2008

Farewell Brunch
11am-1pm
AJ Toppers
Marriott City Center

After a weekend of going non-stop, drag yourself out of bed, put on your biggest Jackie O sunglasses or backwards baseball cap and join us for the Butch-Femme.com Farewell Brunch.

*Farewell Brunch tickets must be purchased prior to arrival via the Registration page.

Gender Trash Karaoke
7pm-10pm
White Horse
6551 Telegraph Ave
Oakland, CA

For those diehard Butches and Femmes who never want the weekend to end... one more last hurrah before we go our separate ways. If karaoke is anything like previous years, this might be the most outrageous event of the weekend!

Click Here to Register