So Where Do You Go to Meet Other Single Lesbians?

Being a thirty-something, single lesbian in a heterosexual, male-dominated world, doesn’t exactly make for easy dating. Just trying to figure out where to meet other single lesbians can be a difficult task. So…based on my own dating experiences, and a little internet research (my favorite pass time), I came up with a list of the best places, in my opinion, to meet other single lesbians.

These are not in any particular order:

Sporting Events/Activities: Well as cliché as it might sound, one of the best places to meet other lesbians is at a women’s softball, soccer or football game. Whether you’re interested in actually joining a team, or you choose to just hangout in the stands, you’re bound to run into a handful (if not more) of single lesbians. If you’re not much of a team sports fan, try joining a women’s hiking, biking or camping group, there is bound to be a few lesbians in the bunch.

Local Lesbian Clubs and Organizations: I know this may sound obvious, but sometimes we tend to forget about our local GLBT resources, which exist in almost every major city in the US. In fact, there is actually a GLBT National Help Center, with over 15,000 resources to help you find the different community centers, social groups, gay newspapers, etc. in your area.

Religious/Spiritual Center:If your spiritual beliefs are an important part of your life, then it makes sense to try and meet other women through your church, temple or spiritual center. The Metropolitan Community Churches, Science of Mind Churches, United Church of Christ and Unitarian Churches, are known to be welcoming of gays and lesbians. You can find listings of gay-friendly churches through the GLBT National Help Center or www.gaychurch.org.

Lesbian Bar: In most cities you can find some sort of lesbian bar within a 60-mile radius. And being that lesbian bars tend to have lesbians in them, this can be another way to meet single woman. If your not into the “bar” scene, try going on an off night, and you may find the atmosphere a bit more laid back, which can make it a bit more conducive to actually having a conversation with someone.


Friends: our friends and acquaintances can be a great resource for meeting other single lesbians. Even if they are in a relationship, let them know that you are looking to meet new people. You never know who they might introduce you to, and you may find yourself among a whole new circle of people.

The Internet: Last, but not least, the Internet can be a great way to meet other lesbians. Online dating sites such as Match.com and Planetout.com, can offer you some anonymity while you search for your perfect date. And although there is often a charge associated with most online dating sites, it is usually worth it. These sites can give you access to a variety of women whom you might never have met otherwise. Other Internet resources for dating include social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster.

No matter what avenue you choose, and you may end up trying quite a few, just don’t give up. With a little effort, and a lot of patience, you will eventually find Ms right, or at least Ms right now.

San Diego Republican Mayor Reverses his Position on Gay Marriage.

San Diego's Republican Mayor, Jerry Sanders, abruptly reversed his public opposition to same-sex marriage on Wednesday after revealing his daughter and close family friends were gay.

He also signed a City Council resolution supporting a legal fight to overturn California's prohibition on same-sex marriages, which he previously said he would veto.

Sanders, a former police chief, told reporters at the press conference that he could no longer back the position he had taken during his election campaign two years ago, which was that he favored civil unions and domestic parnership, but not marriage rights for homosexual couples.

I was so touched by this press conference, that I felt I needed to share it with everyone.

10 Tips for Creating a Lesbian Online Personal Ad

Creating an online personal ad doesn't have to be brain surgery, but it does require a little time and effort, if you want to get a response.

Here are a few tips to help you get through it:

1. Find a Lesbian Online Dating site: For many of us this step may be the easiest part, but for those not so familiar with the internet, you may need a little help.
   
   There are actually quite a few lesbian dating sites on the internet, so you may want to take a look at a few of them before you decide where you want to place your personal ad. Some lesbians choose to list themselves on as many sites as possible, while others choose to stick to one or two...it is really your choice.
   
   Some of the top lesbian dating sites are: Match.com® , Gay.com, Chemistry.com and Lesbianpersonals.com, those should get you started.
   
   
2. Photos: Having at least 1 recent photo (preferably more) on your ad is essential to getting a response, especially since it is usually the first thing people see when browsing through an online personal website.


3. Headline: Along with a photo, you will need to come up with an interesting or eye-catching headline. Go ahead and be creative, but try to avoid clichés, no matter how much you are lacking in inspiration. Sometimes the best headline can be a question, something that invokes a response or involves the reader just enough to want to read more about you.


4. Be honest: Although it isn’t necessary to mention every one of your flaws, be honest when writing your personal ad. If you mention you are looking for someone who is honest, and then lie about your weight, education, profession, etc., your first dates aren't going to go very well.


5. Focus on the positive: Write about the qualities you are looking for in a relationship or the characteristics you value in others. There is no need to mention all of the things you don't want, that can be a turn-off.
   


6. Be Yourself: Try to write your ad as if you were having a regular conversation. If you can write the way you normally speak, others will get a better sense of your personality. Even a humorous personal story can give the reader more insight into your life.


7. Be creative: Many people write about how much they like walks on the beach or cuddling on the couch. Try to get a little more unique, talk about something different. Maybe you speak a foreign language, or perhaps you have recently returned from a trip to Greece. These are things that will make you stand out from everyone else.


8. Be Clear: Are you looking for a relationship or are you just looking to date? Do you want to meet someone with kids? Try to be specific about what you are looking for, it will help to eliminate potential disasters later.


9. Check for Errors: Check your ad for spelling and grammatical mistakes. This may mean you will need to type out your ad in a word document first so that you can use the spell check.


10. Update your ad: Keep your personal ad up-to-date. If you change your hairstyle, post a new photo. If your headline mentions snowboarding and it is June, think about changing that too. And if, by chance, you have met someone special, go ahead and take you ad off the site.
    
    

And one last bit of advice: Be Cautious!!! Be sure to keep a certain level of anonymity when you first meet someone on line. Never offer your personal information (phone number, address, or e-mail) to anyone right away. That way you have a layer of protection while getting to know each other, and it gives you time to judge whether you would be comfortable speaking on the phone or meeting in person.

Rally for Marriage Equality

Whether or not you are personally interested in getting married, the right to marry is not just about a legal recognized ceremony, but an equal right to the many legal protections given to couples that are married. Benefits for married couples range from tax relief to medical decision-making. AB 43, the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act that would grant same-sex couples the ability to marry in California.

For the second time in two years, the California Legislature has passed legislation that would grant same-sex couples the ability to marry. With a 22-15 vote, the Senate on September 7 approved AB 43, authored by Assembly member Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, and sponsored by Equality California. The governor is expected to have the bill on his desk as early as next week and must take action on it by October 14.

Help us send a message to Governor Schwarzenegger "to rise above right-wing ideology, as he has on many other issues, by signing this bill," as EQCA Executive Director Geoff Kors puts it. "The governor should keep up with the will of the people and show the kind of leadership that will define his place in history."

Local Community Actions
Tuesday, September 18

The following organizations are hosting community gatherings on Tuesday, September 18 urging the governor to sign AB 43.

• Bakersfield (Kern County)
  Gather at 5 p.m. at the Liberty Bell at corner of Truxtun and Chester. Contact Whitney at wlwedd@aol.com or 661.204.3180.


• Fresno
  Meet at 5:30 p.m. at the corner of Blackstone and Shaw Ave. Contact Jason at ca-fresno@marriageequality.org or 559.862.4559.


• Humboldt
  Meet at 5:30 p.m. at the Humboldt County Courthouse at 825 5th Street, Eureka. Contact Justin Pabalate at ca-humboldt@marriageequality.org or 707.845.7080.


• Lakeport
  Gather at 6 p.m. at the corner of Main St and Third. Contact Laurie at ca-lake@marriageequality.org or 707.367.1557.


• Los Angeles
  Gather at 7 p.m. at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s McDonald/Wright Building at 1625 N. Schrader Boulevard for a march to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s star on Hollywood Blvd. Contact Jim Key at jkey@lagaycenter.org or 323.993.7623.


• Marin
  Gather at the corner of Third and Irwin Streets from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Contact Dolores at zahwa1@aol.com or 415.456.9010.


• Modesto
  Gather at the corner of 10th & J Streets from 5:30 to 7 p.m. Contact Beth at ca-stanislaus@marriageequality.org or 209.576.5207.


• Oakland
  Gather at 5:30 p.m. at 14th and Broadway, by the BART station. Contact Kristen Montan at krmontan@earthlink.net or 510.333.8241.


• Sacramento (And Yolo County)
  Meet at the West Steps of the State Capitol at 11th and L Streets from 5:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. Public parking garage is located at 10th Street, off L Street. Contact Christine Allen at 916.455.4256 or Lysa Twardosz at ca-sacramento@marriageequality.org.


• San Diego (2 Events)
  City Council Meeting: Tuesday, September 18, 2 p.m.
  12th Floor Council Chambers, 202 C Street, downtown
  
  Community Rally: Tuesday, Sept. 18, 6 p.m.
  San Diego State University
  Gather at 6 p.m. at Montezuma Road and College Ave. Contact Matt Palm at youth@marriageequality.org or 858.472.5439.


• San Francisco Bay Area
  Meet at 5:30 p.m. at the LGBT Center (corner of Market and Octavia) for a press conference with Assemblymember Mark Leno then march to Harvey Milk Plaza (corner of Castro and Market). Contact Pam at pamela@marriageequality.org or 510.384.3655.


• Silicon Valley
  Gather at 6 p.m. at the Billy DeFrank LGBT Center. Contact Aejaie at aejaie@defrank.org or 408.293.3040 x103.


• San Luis Obispo
  Gather at 5 p.m. at the front of the new San Luis Obispo Government Building at 1055 Monterey. Contact David at slo@eqca.org or 805.440.6487.


• Santa Rosa
  Gather at 5:30 p.m. on the steps of City Hall at the corner of 2nd and Mendocino. Contact Chari at chari_d@hotmail.com or 707.579.1922.


• Stockton
  Gather at 5:30 p.m. at the San Joaquin Pride Center at 4410 North Pershing Ave., Suite C-22. Contact Martina at ca-sanjoaquin@marriageequality.org or 209.518.9102.


• Ukiah
  Gather at 5:30 p.m. in front of the Courthouse at Perkins and State Streets. Contact Jody at ca-mendocino@marriageequality.org or 707.489.6082.

Take Action
Call or fax the governor's office today and urge him to vote for AB 43.
Tel: 916.445.2841
Fax: 916.445.4633

Sign EQCA’s online marriage petition at www.eqca.org/10000formarriage

The Itty Bitty Titty Committee

Ever since I heard whispers about the movie "Itty Bitty Titty Committee," I have been dying to get all the details and hear the reviews.

The basic premise of this film is that Anna, a shy, lesbian, high school grad, finds her purpose and herself after she hooks up with a radical feminist group.

The film is Directed by Jamie Babbit (But I'm a Cheerleader) and Produced by Andrea Sperling (D.E.B.S.). The actors include: Melonie Diaz (A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints), Nicole Vicius (Half Nelson, Last Days), Carly Pope (Popular, Dirt), Daniela Sea (The L word, Shortbus), Melanie Mayron (thirtysomething), Jimmi Simpson (D.E.B.S.), Leslie Grossman (Popular, Running with Scissors), Jenny Shimizu, and Guinevere Turner (The L Word, Go Fish).

The film has already won the 2007 SXSW Competition Award for Best Feature Film, Jamie Babbit and Best Film, Jamie Babbit.


If you are as interested as I was in reading the reviews, here are some links:

After Ellen Reviews, by Danielle Riendeau, Contributing Writer

Film Threat Reviews, by Mark Bell

Queer Film Reviews

Opens in Theatres:
September 28th - Limited Engagement
Laemmle's Sunset 5
8000 Sunset Blvd. West Hollywood

Lesbian Moms in the Dating World

Lesbian moms face the same predicament all single parents do: How do you balance having a love life and still giving your kids the time and attention they need. Of course your children should come first in your life, but dating is something you get to do for yourself, so don’t feel guilty.

Here are some tips that may help:

• Don’t introduce your children to someone you’re dating until you are sure the relationship is going somewhere. Having your children meet every dinner date may confuse them, and they may come to resent you dating anyone.



• Once you decide to introduce your girlfriend to your children, start by introducing her as a friend. You can then gradually let you children know that she is becoming a more important person in your life.



• Make a point of spending “alone time” with your children. Maintaining your private time with your children will help them to realize that your girlfriend is not a threat to their relationship with you.



• Your child does not need to know all the details of your dating life. Although it may be tempting to talk to your children about what is going on in your romance, especially if they are older, confiding, complaining, or even asking for advice may make them feel responsible, and it is an unfair to burden to your children.



• Don’t expect your children to love your new partner right away, it may take time for them to get used to the idea of sharing you with someone new.

If you have any additional tips or information, please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.

Long Distance Relationships...Can They Really Work?

So I have been doing a bit of research on the subject of long distance relationships. I found a ton of articles, hundreds of blogs, thousands of forums, and more books than you can shake a stick at (never did understand that analogy), all dedicated to the subject of LDRs. However, if I was to sum up all that I read, what it all boils down to is that long distance relationships are difficult and that the majority of couples breakup. Does this mean it is impossible? Well, no, nothing is impossible. I guess the question is. "Are you ready to be committed to making a long-distance relationship work." If your answer is "yes," then what are you willing to do to make it work?

Here are a few tips and ideas that may help you out if you find yourself in a long distance relationship.

The first thing you and your partner need to do is establish some guidelines, such as: Are you going to be monogamous? How often will you talk or email? How often are you willing to seeing each other in person?

Like in any relationship, good communication is the key to success, so make an effort to talk or email each other everyday. And since it is hard to actually "see" what each other is feeling when talking on the phone or internet, make an extra effort to be more expressive with your feeling. When you can't see each other for long periods of time, providing reassurance of your commitment to the relationship can be very important.

Get a little creative and send a special package to your partner once in a while. Send flowers, bake cookies, make a CD or a scrapbook... just a little something to let them know you are thinking of them.

Make plans ahead of time to see each other, and don't leave one visit without having another one already planned. Also, it is important that you both share in the effort and cost of traveling, especially if only one of you is doing all the driving/flying.

If your ultimate goal is to live together, then talk to your partner about a realistic way to set those plans in motion. Whether it is going to be 6 months or a year, make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

Okay, it is true, having a long distance relationship is going to be difficult. However, if both people involved are willing to work together, trust each other, keep the communication going, and be open to the possibilities, than you just may be able to make your long distance relationship work.


If you have had some success with a LDR, I would love to hear from you...most of the stories I have received from friend have not been too successful.