The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make and How to Avoid Them!

By Larry James

Suddenly, it's clear to you now. The relationship is over! What are you going to do now?

Caution: Don't complicate your life by beginning to date too soon after a break-up. How soon is "too soon?" That will depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. Rule of thumb: Six months or more.

"Or more?" you say. Yes! Six months or more!

When you cut your finger. It takes time for the wound to heal. If the sharp edge cuts to the bone, it may take longer. A thorough healing of a broken heart takes time too.

The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are things that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really are mistakes. Some of you may have made these mistakes more than once.

I know from personal experience that if you will evade these avoidable errors in judgment, ALL of your relationships will work better.

The biggest mistake that newly singles make is getting involved with someone else before the hurts of the past have healed.

Two closely related mistakes include not taking full responsibility for their share of the problems that caused the breakup in the first place and making sure that those issues are complete before beginning again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result. Knowing your heart needs healing and refusing to do anything about it doesn't help prepare you for the next relationship. It only prolongs the agony.

How can you avoid these mistakes? By living solo for awhile.

Before you can successfully get involved with and have a "healthy" love relationship with someone else, you must first get involved with yourself!

When it comes to analyzing yourself, don't be an ostrich. Get your head out of the sand and take a loooooong look at what you did that may have contributed to the break-up and promise yourself that you will make some changes "prior" to your next relationship.

The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviors they did and didn't like in their former partner. Create a "romantic résumé" that lists their positive points and what you are looking for in your next mate.

It's time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together. . . side by side.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't date, it only means, that when you decide to date, you must resist the urge to become intimately involved with anyone else too soon. This is easier when you date lots of people. Don't grab the first one that comes along. Play the field. Make "having FUN" your only priority.

It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. You don't need to expend the additional energy it will take to do that AND work on fully recovering from your last relationship at the same time. That's just not smart. When you strain a muscle, good doctors will insist that you give it a rest if you want it to heal. That's smart. Give a monogamous, committed relationship with someone else a rest for now.

Broken relationships take time to heal. The relationship I am talking about is the broken relationship you have with yourself. Not only must you know this, you must acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin.

We seem to drift around, not knowing what to do, blaming our ex, our mother- in-law, the cat, everyone but the real culprit.

If you want to know what the problem is in your relationships, it's very simple. Look into the mirror. There it is! You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. It's time to take responsibility for who you are, what you do, how you think, who you date. . . everything.

The most important relationship to you right now is the one you have with you! Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority. This significant first step must occur before you can be who you need to be in another healthy love relationship with someone else. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love - the love that you will share with someone else in the future.

The problem with moving too quickly to the next relationship is that there needs to be a cooling off period; that time when you begin to look at the real problem and start making some new choices about shedding all of the baggage of the last relationship.

Reinvent a healthy relationship with you! Rediscover who you are! Take some time for yourself. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it and know that it is only and always your choice to feel that way. Then do something different! In time, as you begin to acknowledge the mistakes you have made in the past and MOST important, accept responsibility for your share of the problem that caused the breakup, the hurts of the past will begin to heal.

If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will look back in disappointment. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past.

Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is! For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. Whatever you want, wants you too.

It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It's time to forgive them so the hurt will heal. Nothing is unforgivable. That is only and always your choice too.

The hurts won't heal until you will allow yourself to forgive.

I suppose the real question is: Just how long do you want to feel the way you feel right now?

If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn't do, then you are missing the point. It's time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are.

It will take a new discipline to do this. Can you do it? You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Broken hearts can mend. It takes time and you must do the work. You can do it! And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn't work.

It takes no strength to let go, only courage.

Let the healing begin.

How to Get a Good Response From Your Lesbian Online Personal Ad

A friend of mine recently asked me for some help with writing an online personal ad for a lesbian dating site she joined. I gave her a few tips and then I remembered I had written an article about just that subject a while back. Since I figured it is probably a subject that others may be interested in as well, I thought I would re-post it, with a few updates.

Creating an online personal ad doesn't have to be brain surgery, but it does require a little time and effort, if you want to get a response.

Here are a few tips to help you get through it:

1. Find a Lesbian Online Dating site: For many of us this step may be the easiest part, but for those not so familiar with the Internet, you may need a little help.
   
   There are actually quite a few lesbian dating sites on the Internet, so you may want to take a look at a few of them before you decide where you want to place your personal ad. Some lesbians choose to list themselves on as many sites as possible, while others choose to stick to only one or two...it is really your choice.
   
   Some of the more popular lesbian dating sites are: Lesbiansanddating.com, Match.com , Gay.com, and Chemistry.com, those should get you started.
   
   
2. Photos: Having at least 1 recent photo (preferably more) on your ad is essential to getting a good response, especially since it is usually the first thing people see when browsing through an online personal website.


3. Headline: Along with a photo, you will need to come up with an interesting or eye-catching headline. Go ahead and be creative, but try to avoid clichés, no matter how much you are lacking in inspiration. Sometimes the best headline can be a question, something that invokes a response or involves the reader just enough to want to read more about you.


4. Be honest: Although it isn’t necessary to mention every one of your flaws, be honest when writing your personal ad. If you mention you are looking for someone who is honest, and then lie about your weight, education, profession, etc., your first dates aren't going to go very well.


5. Focus on the positive: Write about the qualities you are looking for in a relationship or the characteristics you value in others. There is no need to mention all of the things you don't want, that can be a turn-off.
   


6. Be Yourself: Try to write your ad as if you were having a normal conversation. If you can write the way you speak, others will get a better sense of your personality. Even a humorous personal story can give the reader more insight into your life.


7. Be creative: Many people write about how much they like walks on the beach, candlelight dinners or cuddling on the couch. Try to be a little more unique, talk about something different. Maybe you just returned from a scuba diving trip in Australia, or perhaps you speak a second language. These are things that will make you stand out from everyone else.


8. Be Clear: Are you looking for a relationship or are you just looking to date? Are you okay with dating someone who has kids? Try to be specific about what you are looking for, it will help to eliminate potential disasters later.


9. Check for Errors: Check your ad for spelling and grammatical errors, even if it means typing your ad out in a Word document first, so that you can run the spell check.
   


10. Update your ad: Keep your personal ad up-to-date. If you change your hairstyle, post a new photo. If your headline mentions water skiing and it is December, you may want to change that as well. And when you do met someone special, go ahead and take you ad off the site, just so that other single lesbians aren't contacting you hoping that you're still available.
    
    

And one last bit of advice: Be Cautious!!! Be sure to keep a certain level of anonymity when you first meet someone on the Internet. Never offer your personal information (phone number, address, or e-mail) to anyone right away. That way you have a layer of protection while getting to know each other, and it gives you time to judge whether you would be comfortable speaking on the phone or meeting in person.

Most lesbian dating sites are free to join, so what are you waiting for???

Happy and Single on Valentine's Day

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, and all of your coupled lesbian friends making plans with their sweeties, I thought perhaps reading through the many lists of "Top reasons to be single on Valentine's Day," may be just what you need to get through this week...hmm, was there a touch of sarcasm in my typing???

This first top 10 list comes from www.cherrygrrl.com and is called "Fresh Ten Reasons to be Happy You’re Single"

10. You don’t have to fight for the remote. With such a massive amount of television shows to choose from these days, agreeing on which ones to watch and when can create daily arguments between you and the GF. When you’re single, there isn’t anyone there to make fun of you for watching those Saved by the Bell marathons you love, as often as you want.

9. Space. Lesbian couples tend to spend a lot of time together. You meet a girl, she becomes your girlfriend, and suddenly you find yourself living together and only separating when it’s time to go to work. Having the ability to spend time alone is definitely underrated.

8. The DJ on long car rides is you. Unless you and your significant other happen to enjoy all the same music, car rides - and what to listen to during them - can be another quick route to a fight.

7. You don’t have to answer the question, “Does this outfit make me look fat?” It’s a totally overused complaint against girlfriends but unfortunately it really does happen in households all over the world on a daily basis. Until every single girl realizes that, no matter what, the answer is going to be “No!” - only single people are safe.

6. Mind-reading is not a necessity. She may say nothing is wrong, but you just KNOW that something is definitely wrong. You have asked her what it is, you apologized for all sorts of things you didn’t do, you guessed at various things it might be, and yet you still have no clue why she’s mad. When you’re single, basic communication requires far less effort.

5. The bed is much larger. We hate to discount how nice it can be to have a lovely lady spend quality time in your bedroom, but there is a lot to be said for stretching out and taking up every inch of softness when all you want to do is sleep.

4. Admission for 1. Going to the movies, a bar, or a show can get really expensive when you are constantly paying double. In this economy especially, just paying for you can be a lot easier on the wallet.

3. You’re single. Picking up girls at lesbian bars is one of the best parts about being gay. You know right where to find them, they’re there to meet someone just like you, and no one is going to stand in your way. Go ahead, release your inner Shane.

2. No Hallmark holiday for you. As nice as the idea of a special day once a year dedicated to romance and love may sound, it’s really just one giant waste of money spent on cheesy cards, overpriced mediocre chocolate, and roses that last less than a week. And you don’t have to take part in any of it.

1. No drama. Relationships are drama. Lesbian relationships are drama on steroids. Embrace drama-free living - go it single.


This next list comes from Dr. Laura S. Brown, psychiatrist, and is called "Being Single on Valentine's Day:A Survival Guide"

1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity.

2. If you are single because of a recent loss, allow this to be a day of grieving. Do not pretend that it’s not a hard day. Get support and sympathy.

3. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.

4. Plan well in advance to do something that will not place you in the path of billing and cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else on Valentine’s Day.

5. Get together with people who do love you -- friends, family members, the people who already have relationships with you.

6. If you are single and you don’t want to be, start now to think about what is in the way of you creating the relationship you want. Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Begin to volunteer. Create art. Make meaning. Act to change the world. It is into the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.

7. If you are single and you like it, now is the time to affirm your choice. People who never marry or partner have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living. Do not let a couple-driven culture define your choice as something wrong.

This next one is from Marie Claire and is called "10 Great Things About Being Single on Valentine's Day - Did Cupid pass you by this year?"

1. It's a great excuse to get sloshed with your closest girlfriends. Not that we need an excuse.

2. You don't have to smile through gritted teeth when you get crotchless panties as a gift.

3. There's no better night to pick up guaranteed-singles at the bar.

4. You can see if you really can make it through the whole winter without shaving your legs.

5. You don't have to listen to anyone's "Valentine's Day is just a made-up commercial holiday, blah blah blah" speech.

6. It's the perfect day to blow your New Year's resolution to eat healthy by buying yourself a box of chocolates--Godiva, not supermarket-brand.

7. There's no better time to practice some self-love with a shopping spree at Babeland.

8. You're not spending it with that idiot you spent last Valentine's Day with.

9. It's perfectly acceptable to spend the day working late, eat Chinese take-out for dinner in your extra-large fleece pajamas, and not put out before you go to bed.

10. You can spend it with the hottest, funniest, and smartest person you know--you.


This one comes from Campus Life and is called "10 PERKS ABOUT BEING SINGLE ON VALENTINE'S DAY!"

1. Not having to spend money on gifts.
2. Not having to go crazy trying to find the right gift for that special person.
3. Getting to have a girls or guys night out with your single friends.
4. You can eat a whole box of candy yourself!
5. Not having to buy a new outfit to go out in.
6. Getting to stay at home and watch mushy movies while not having to make an excuse why because your other friends are out with their significant other.
7. You can go on a shopping spree since you aren't going to spend money on somebody else.
8. You can love everybody!
9. You get to do whatever you want for dinner because you don't have anybody else to think about.
10. You can have as many crushes as you want without feeling guilty about cheating!

This one comes from a blog called iconoclastic and is called, "Top 10 Reasons to Hate Valentine's Day"

Reason 1: Single vs. Relationship
Let’s get it over and talk about it, most people don’t like Valentine’s Day because they’re single. And it’s true, when your single Valentine’s Day can make you feel broken. As if there is something eternally wrong with you for not having true love on the day painted pink on the calendar. But if you’re in a relationship there is a can be an impeding sense of pressure as well. Valentine’s Day presents, the pressure causes a overwhelming sentiment that you’re future happiness rests on the selection of the perfect pink, red, or possible gold gift. And with the busy lives we all lead these days, who needs heart themed pressure?

Reason 2: St. Valentine?
There is a date on the calendar named after him signifying love and devotion, people propose and get married on this day of bliss, heck Hallmark and chocolate companies make a killing on this day; and nobody even knows who this St. Valentine dude is! “The history of Valentine’s Day – and its patron saint – is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.” For all we know, he was a criminal lover who stole the hearts of women, a Don Juan of his time.

Reason 3: The Gifts
Do you really need, or even want, another set of stuffed pink kissing dogs with hearts on their butts? I mean really, where are you going to put them? And a box of chocolates? That’s not going help you lose the 5 pounds you put on at Christmas. The mass marketing of cheep and pointless gifts to validate a sentiment of caring just seems ridiculous! If you love me, and want to do something nice, don’t buy me a monkey in chains that sings an Elvis Presley song. Cook me dinner and do the dishes, or take me to get my favorite desert, or rent that chick flick I really wanted to see and you know you’re going to hate. Do something because you want to, not because you have to. And please pass on the candy heart bouquet, sold for 10.99 at the local drug store!

Reason 4: The Cards
They don’t make an ‘I-don’t-know-if-we’re-meant-to-be-I’ve-only-known-you-a-week’ card. If they did, I might change my mind about Valentine’s Day. I would also like to request a ‘I’m-a-Stalker’ card and an ‘I’m-only-giving-this-because-I-want-something-in-return’ card, I think those would be huge sellers! According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are valentines. (for more information check out infoplease.com). 25%! Just think of the trees we could save if we eliminated Valentines Day.

Reason 5: Chalk Hearts
You know what I’m referring too. The goofy little box of hearts that taste like sidewalk chalk with white confessions of love embossed on their florescent bodies. “Be Mine,” “I’m Yours,” “You’re Sweet,” and “Love.” Love? Do you really even like someone if you’re giving them chalk to eat? I would prefer an “It’s not you, it’s me” chalk heart, or a “We need to talk” heart. They seem more appropriate.

Reason 6: Cupid’s Creepy!
A small boy in a diaper flying around shooting people with arrows? This dose not make me want to snuggle, it’s just creepy! What’s next, an old man in a red suit sliding down chimneys… oh… wait… But seriously, the whole idea of some pudgy progeny of Aphrodite shooting arrows at my heart, with the intention of construing a long and lasting relationship, it’s a little frightening.

Reason 7: Roses Die
Is the shelling out of $49.95 for twelve fragrant sticks with (insert color here) petals, which will be dead in a week, and I will have to feel guilty over throwing away, really a sign of true love? Or should I take it as a showing of your feelings of our relationship, wilting and dieing quickly? Overpriced and overrated, need I say more?

Reason 8: Halloween is a way better holiday
It is. You can’t argue with a holiday that does not exclude any group of people, requires strangers to give you candy, and allows people to free their inner child and dress up! So, if we start requiring couples to dress in matching diapers and pass out chocolate to single people, I may change my mind on Valentine’s Day, until then…

Reason 9: Sappy love songs make me ill
The first few notes of “I Will Always Love You” can cause such an intense need to vomit that I find myself running for the nearest toilet while my skin starts to tingle and I break out in a rash. And who really wants to hear Celine Dion sing while Leo Decaprio sinks into the ocean? Kenny G will never be listed as one of my favorite artists, and I may be accused of having no soul, but sappy love songs make me ill.

Reason 10: Love should be every day, not just one day a year
I have no snarky comments for this, it is what it is. Love should be every day. Not celebrated because the creepy diaper man says it’s time. And that’s my whole point, Valentines Day really is a mass marketed collection of pointless gifts that you are going to look at in two weeks and wonder which corner of your room you can hide it in, or simply throw it away. So, if you’re going to celebrate Singles Awareness Day, please make a memory, don’t buy a pointless, pressure filled, going to the landfill present.

And the final one comes from Associated Content and is called, "5 Reasons Why It's Fab to Be Single on Valentine's Day"
Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day!

Valentine's Day is a day of love. A day for couples to go in public and announce to the world that they have "somebody." It's a day for single men and women across the globe to stay inside, watching television in their pajamas and feeling sorry for themselves. Why? Why is it so necessary to be involved with someone and to have a Valentine? The whole day is so contrived and fake that I would much rather not have a Valentine! Nothing screams "our relationship is in dire need of a boost" like celebrating Valentine's Day. It isn't a day of love; it is a day of "love." Most couples do things just to do things, instead of setting aside another day to celebrate and cherish their own special union. Why rejoice in something that the rest of the world is rejoicing in? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? Love is not about social conformity; it is about unpredictability and irreplaceable memories. This is why there are five reasons to be happy as a single person on February 14th.

1. No Fake Smiles
Couples who go out on Valentine's Day often go overboard with their public displays of affection. They say mushy things and feed each other food and participate in tons of other nauseating gimmicks. This doesn't mean that they truly are in love and just can't help themselves. Sometimes, couples use these practices as a way to mask the problems in their relationship. Valentine's Day is the perfect holiday for couples who want to make it known to the world that they are taken but don't want the world to see the imperfections in their relationship. As a single, we can proudly and loudly smile and have nothing to hide because we truly are happy with ourselves! And even if singles want a special someone, they don't have to hide it from the world.

2. No Disappointment
With Valentine's Day comes presents. Not just presents though, presents that are insincere and artificial. Couples feel forced to get something for their significant other but because it is out of a social tradition instead of from the heart, people (especially women) get disappointed. On Valentine's Day, it's not the thought that counts. Every couple is out trying to prove that they are the happiest, the most loved, the most romantic and the most thoughtful. How can forcing yourself to buy your partner a present because society says so exemplify any of those things? Singles need not worry. We can buy ourselves anything we want and we know we'll love it! In fact, our singleness is the best gift we'll give ourselves on Valentine's Day!

3. No Need to Dress Up
Sure, every once in awhile it's nice to go out all glammed up but on Valentine's Day, it is a must if you are in a relationship. How can you possibly feel romantic if you don't beautiful? How can you prove that you are the hottest couple? Singles can stay home in their sweatpants, put on their old prom dress or even walk around naked if they want! Couples have an image to keep up and that distracts from the relationship. I'd much rather stay in my pj's and slippers than have to worry about which eye shadow to use to impress my partner.

4. No Need to Plan Anything
You can't celebrate Valentine's Day if you have nowhere to celebrate it, right? Well, most couples go to great lengths to plan something special, though the rest of the world has the same idea. Partners stress out that their lover will be disappointed or won't be romantic. Who cares?! Just appreciate your time together. Singles often feel lonely because they have nothing to plan but be glad! You have no one else to worry about pleasing and no matter what you do, you'll be in charge and completely enjoy yourself.

5. No Upsets. There are women who dream about being proposed to on Valentine's Day. This makes no sense to me because what is so special about saying "I love you" and proposing on the same day that everyone else says "I love you?" When these women don't get their proposal, they feel upset. They think that their man doesn't love them and it ruins their entire night. There is so much expectation involved that whether a woman gets proposed to or not, there will always be something that her partner did wrong. They didn't say the right thing, they didn't get the right gift, the list goes on. Singles, remember, crashing on the couch while watching a great movie requires no expectations. Embrace what you receive on Valentine's Day: whatever you choose!

Love is not just about romance. There is family love, friend love and pet love also. But Valentine's Day is essentially about romantic love. However, nothing about a socially constructed, cliched, unoriginal and forced holiday says "romance." Nothing about a predictable box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers proves a person's devotion. Those who really want to celebrate their love will go out on another night. They will show the world what it means to be the only couple in the room celebrating their bond. They will expect nothing, live unpredictably and hold nothing back. That is romance. As a couple, Valentine's Day couldn't be a worse holiday to commemorate love. As a single, Valentine's Day is just another movie night. Enjoy!

The 24 Things You Never Knew About Single Lesbians

I found this article on match.com and although I am not sure it is completely accurate, it does represent a portion of lesbians and it is quite entertaining to read,  so enjoy...

Let us examine that rare and exotic creature — the single lesbian. According to popular belief, lesbian couples shack up immediately after reaching their first orgasms together. This old stereotype has some basis in truth.

Back in the olden days, you might walk into your local bar and see the same three women sitting on the same three bar stools every week. With such slim pickings, what are you gonna do?

Luckily, all this has changed. The dyke dating pool has grown by leaps and bounds. Scientifically speaking, it is said that lesbians generally engage in serial monogamy, with periods of serial single-osity in between. This means that sexy single lezzers are everywhere, lesbian chic has never been chic-er!

Our informal research has uncovered many fun and surprising facts about today's single lesbian. We have discovered that single lesbians…

1. Concoct the sexiest user names for their free profile.
   
2. Are very politically active. Meetings, rallies, community events — they're always running things.
   
3. Work out at the gym frequently, wearing body-conscious clothing.
   
4. Are likely to decorate their cars with rainbow accessories and off-color bumper stickers.
   
5. Spend their summers playing in five different softball leagues.
   
6. Cruise the WNBA games — Dyke Central!
   
7. Have occasional or frequent one night stands, sometimes with the ex.
   
8. Hit the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival or the Dinah Shore Classic with a carload of pals — and look for the first opportunity to ditch them!
   
9. Spend countless hours engaged in a quick search to find the perfect date.
   
10. Hang out at organic food stores. A high percentage of vegetarian lezzers makes the food coop the perfect place to meet unattached women.
    
11. Keep their wardrobes up to date. They're well put together and hot.
    
12. Sport lots of attractive tattoos and piercings. They get a new one each time they break up with someone.
    
13. Go to bars and clubs alone. They're more approachable that way.
    
14. Have a higher sex drive than married lesbians.
    
15. Frequent the magic store to stock up on "Call Me" incense and "Domination" floor wash.
    
16. Meet girls via their pets. The local dog run is always chock full of gays and lesbians. The single lesbian's favorite dog breeds are the pit bull and the Jack Russell terrier.
    
17. Always wear cute underwear, just in case.
    
18. Sleep with more cats than women. The average ratio is seven feline bed partners to every one human.
    
19. Often participate in fandom for such dykons as Angelina Jolie or that woman from ER.
    
20. Socialize more during June, Gay Pride month, than any other time of the year. Pride events bring non-stop dating opportunities.
    
21. Have extensive music and video collections. The perfect pretense for inviting someone over.
    
22. Love to workshop their writing, their acting, their genitals, whatever! If you do a workshop, they will come.
    
23. Frequently have new photos taken for their free profile.
    
24. Know they don't have to settle for just anyone. Today's single dyke can afford to be as choosy as she wants to be.

Written by Dany Johnson, Match.com

So Where Do You Go to Meet Other Single Lesbians?

Being a thirty-something, single lesbian in a heterosexual, male-dominated world, doesn’t exactly make for easy dating. Just trying to figure out where to meet other single lesbians can be a difficult task. So…based on my own dating experiences, and a little internet research (my favorite pass time), I came up with a list of the best places, in my opinion, to meet other single lesbians.

These are not in any particular order:

Sporting Events/Activities: Well as cliché as it might sound, one of the best places to meet other lesbians is at a women’s softball, soccer or football game. Whether you’re interested in actually joining a team, or you choose to just hangout in the stands, you’re bound to run into a handful (if not more) of single lesbians. If you’re not much of a team sports fan, try joining a women’s hiking, biking or camping group, there is bound to be a few lesbians in the bunch.

Local Lesbian Clubs and Organizations: I know this may sound obvious, but sometimes we tend to forget about our local GLBT resources, which exist in almost every major city in the US. In fact, there is actually a GLBT National Help Center, with over 15,000 resources to help you find the different community centers, social groups, gay newspapers, etc. in your area.

Religious/Spiritual Center:If your spiritual beliefs are an important part of your life, then it makes sense to try and meet other women through your church, temple or spiritual center. The Metropolitan Community Churches, Science of Mind Churches, United Church of Christ and Unitarian Churches, are known to be welcoming of gays and lesbians. You can find listings of gay-friendly churches through the GLBT National Help Center or www.gaychurch.org.

Lesbian Bar: In most cities you can find some sort of lesbian bar within a 60-mile radius. And being that lesbian bars tend to have lesbians in them, this can be another way to meet single woman. If your not into the “bar” scene, try going on an off night, and you may find the atmosphere a bit more laid back, which can make it a bit more conducive to actually having a conversation with someone.


Friends: our friends and acquaintances can be a great resource for meeting other single lesbians. Even if they are in a relationship, let them know that you are looking to meet new people. You never know who they might introduce you to, and you may find yourself among a whole new circle of people.

The Internet: Last, but not least, the Internet can be a great way to meet other lesbians. Online dating sites such as Match.com and Planetout.com, can offer you some anonymity while you search for your perfect date. And although there is often a charge associated with most online dating sites, it is usually worth it. These sites can give you access to a variety of women whom you might never have met otherwise. Other Internet resources for dating include social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster.

No matter what avenue you choose, and you may end up trying quite a few, just don’t give up. With a little effort, and a lot of patience, you will eventually find Ms right, or at least Ms right now.