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Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Nation's Largest LGBT Publisher Calls it Quits

Earlier this month Window Media, the largest chain of LGBT newspapers in the US, abruptly went out of business. Although Window Media had been in financial trouble for a while, their employees had been told a possible reorganization or sale of the company was in the works, not a liquidation.

“We found out when two of the corporate officers were waiting for us when we got to work this morning,” said Kevin Naff, editor of The Blade, a 40-year-old paper that was one of the most important publications written for a gay audience. “It’s not a complete surprise. The abruptness of it was what was surprising.”

Employees at Southern Voice, an Atlanta-based gay paper also owned by Window Media, found their offices locked when they went in to work and a note posted on the door saying that the company had ceased operation. It told the workers to return in 2 days with boxes to collect their belongings.

The names of the Publications owned by Window Media are: The Washington Blade, Southern Voice, The Houston Voice, The South Florida Blade, David Atlanta magazine and 411 Magazine.

Luckily, a few of these magazine have already found ways to continue publishing. 411 Magazine will now publish under the name Mark's List Magazine, starting next month. And a new iteration of the Washington Blade, called The D.C. Agenda, will also launch in December. And most recently, I heard that in the effort to create a new gay publication to replace the Southern Voice, the Lloyd E. Russell Foundation, which was started by an Atlanta gay activist/businessman to help promote the GLBT community, gave a $12,000 matching grant.

As more news about these publications becomes available, I will be sure to keep you posted.

Friday, November 27, 2009

New Lesbian Social Network

There is a new social network site exclusively for LESBIANS. Meet, greet, & chat up local or long distance lesbians! is designed to be a safe and fun meeting place for ALL lesbians! Just like other social networks you can add pictures, content, music, and videos with the profile page design of YOUR choice! But unlike other social networks there is no need to worry that your family, "straight friends", or business contacts will see your "lesbian communications". On you have two options, either choose to have only approved "members" see your profile or you can choose to make your profile public to all members of fills the a void in the lesbian community by creating an open and inviting environment. Their goal is to provide an environment where women can talk, meet, post events, become informed through interesting articles regarding lesbian life and engage with other women without boundaries.

And when you sign up for Lezzbook, in the "Where You Found Us" part, put LD2010 or See you online!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

GLAAD Defends Adam Lambert

This week that the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) issued a statement late Tuesday about the decision by ABC's "Good Morning America" to cancel a scheduled performance by Adam Lambert on Wednesday morning's (November 25) show in light of the singer's controversial appearance at the American Music Awards on Sunday night.

"Some music performances, regardless of the sexual orientation of the performer, are tailored for a primetime audience but not for a morning show audience," GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios said in the statement. "It is disappointing that 'Good Morning America' did not give Adam Lambert the opportunity to tailor his performance to their audience, as he did on their show in August 2009," when he performed the Muse cover "Starlight."

After receiving 1,500 viewer complaints about Lambert's show-closing performance on the ABC broadcast — during which he kissed a male keyboard player, grabbed a female dancer's crotch, dragged another around by her ankles and mimed getting oral sex from a male dancer — GMA pulled the plug on the appearance. "Given his controversial live performance on the American Music Awards we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning," read a statement from the network.

On Tuesday, Lambert was quickly offered a replacement spot on rival CBS' "Early Show," which aired his performance and interview on Wednesday.

Barrios added, "We applaud the CBS 'Early Show' for taking this opportunity to work with Lambert on a performance that is entertaining for an early morning television audience." A spokesperson for GLAAD added that during calls between the organization and "GMA," spokespeople for the morning news program said that sexual orientation did not play a role in their decision. GLAAD suggested that "GMA" work with and host Lambert at some point and continue to make gay and lesbian performers and guests welcome on the program in the future. A spokesperson for "GMA" confirmed the nature of the discussion to MTV News.

Lambert took the cancellation in stride, telling "American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest on his radio show on Tuesday that he respected the show's decision. "They gotta do what they gotta do," Lambert said. "It's too bad. I think there were a lot of fans who were excited to come see me. They probably had a lot of pressure coming at them from certain people who weren't happy about it. I respect their decision — I don't necessarily agree with it, but they need to do what they need to do. ... It's really not that big of a deal. I'm not a babysitter, I'm a performer."

The singer also revealed on Tuesday that the most controversial bits of his AMA coming out party were spontaneous and even surprised him.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Florida Nurses Apologize to Lesbian Who Was Denied Visitation

Several Jackson Memorial Hospital nurses personally apologized to Janice Langbehn, a Washington state lesbian who said a Jackson social worker wouldn't allow her to be with her dying partner in 2007.

"We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt," said Martha Baker, a registered nurse and president of SEIU local 1991, the union representing about 5,000 doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals at Jackson.

"I apologize," said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of theunion's gay Lavender Caucus. "I can't imagine what you went through."

The apologies came at a town hall-style meeting Thursday night at Unity on the Bay church, in which Langbehn returned to Miami as a speaker. Baker, Molina and two other Jackson nurses, Jim Nicholson and Diane Poirier, along with 60 other people, attended the meeting.

Langbehn, whose lawsuit against Jackson was dismissed in September by a federal court in Miami, gracefully welcomed the nurses’ personal gesture. But she still want the hospital to apologize formally.

"The management has to do it," Langbehn said.

langbehn She tearfully told the audience of her final moments with longtime partner Lisa Pond, who suffered a fatal brain aneurysm on Feb. 18, 2007, shortly before they were to sail with their three children on a Caribbean cruise for gay families.

At Jackson, Langbehn said, a social worker would not let her visit Pond because Florida is "an anti-gay state." Pond, 39, died the next day.

From the beginning, Jackson said Langbehn was not discriminated against and defended social worker Garnett Frederick, who denied making the comment.

Langbehn, with the help of Lambda Legal, sued the hospital. The case, which received publicity around the country, was dismissed without a decision whether Jackson discriminated against Langbehn because she is gay. The court determined Jackson had no legal obligation to allow anyone to visit a patient.

“It’s my duty to speak out, that this should never happen to another family of ours,” said Langbehn, seated next to her attorney, Beth Littrell of Lambda Legal in Atlanta, Stratton Pollitzer of Equality Florida and Miami attorney Elizabeth Schwartz, who specializes in nontraditional-family issues. C.J. Ortuño, executive director of SAVE Dade, moderated.

All along, Jackson has denied that the hospital discriminated against Langbehn.

"We have always believed and known that the staff at Jackson treats everyone equally, and that their main concern is the well-being of the patients in their care," Jackson spokeswoman Jennifer Piedra said in a news release after the case was dismissed in September.

"At Jackson Health System, we believe in a culture of inclusion. For more than 90 years, the institution has taken great pride in serving everyone who enters its doors, regardless of race, creed, religious beliefs or sexual orientation. We also employ a very diverse workforce, one that mirrors the community we serve."

Added Piedra: "Jackson will continue to work with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to ensure that everyone knows they are welcome at all of our facilities, where they will receive the highest quality of medical care."

Janice Langbehn town hall 017 Ortuño, pictured right, told the audience that, indeed, Jackson has met with a group of South Florida gay activists to make sure gay people’s rights at the hospital are upheld.

Activists say they hope to use the Langbehn-Pond case as an example of why laws are needed to protect gay families.

“These stories, these tragedies can change the minds of lawmakers,’’ Pollitzer said.

Schwartz said that until laws are passed protecting gay families, it is imperative that they protect themselves.

“The No. 1 thing, the most important thing, is to have a will,” Schwartz said.

Baker, a lesbian who has worked at Jackson for nearly a quarter-century, said she is heartbroken that the hospital has been accused of being anti-gay.

“It’s a shame that the public hospital that delivers care here is the focus of her pain,” said Baker, also a Lavender Caucus member. “Is Jackson homophobic? Oh, no. I’d say 30 percent of our staff is gay or lesbian. A lot of us work here because it is considered a safe space here in Miami-Dade County.”

Source: Miami Herald

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

December 2009 Lesbian Horoscopes

December opens its gates with a Full Moon in Gemini on the 2nd so we can expect lots and lots of words. Will we hear the Truth? Now that may be another story entirely depending on how exacting you are about the T word. I have learned that Geminis rarely lie but they do change their minds;so it depends on which twin is talking.

The political and economic log jam that was created when Saturn and Pluto began a most UN-seductive tango with each other will ease up as the two become slightly less intimate in the beginning of the month and drift even further apart as the month continues. This should be quite a relief for all of us who have had the month from hell in November feeling the continual pressure of these 2 planetary energies duking it out all over our minds, bodies and spirits.

By the 17th of December we should start seeing more progress in the world both politically and economically and not just mud slinging and back room arm twisting. We have all been under potentially fear producing energies that have even caused some to question their very survival!

Thankfully Venus and Mars are both in fire signs so they will heat things up and keep our hearts more open as well. Venus in Sag all month will keep us feeling feisty and active which will be necessary to get everything done and still have time for play.

Holiday festivities may be grander too with Mars doing it bigger and better in Leo while on the political side of things Pride could make or break efforts towards peace and domestic policy.

Essentially everyone will want to look like a winner so working with Saturn in Libra's desire for equity, a win win shift could really work. So important for us all to make the quantum leap from the dominance and submission paradigm to willing cooperation.

I want to start calling Jupiter,Neptune and Chiron, the Three Weird Sisters, because these three oh so heavenly bodies have hardly been more than a degree or 2 apart for a year. On the plus side, that they have draped this whole challenging mess in a magical mystical cloak which has allowed us to move ahead with some measure of faith that somehow it will all turn out OK as well as forcing us to dig deep into our self healing and metaphysical bag of tricks.

I believe that we will see even more merging of spiritual and scientific worlds.

On the down side, we will continue to be engaged in more hand washing as one or another flu morphs and chases us around or keeps us hunkered down at home.

The Jupiter/ Neptune effect will likely have us in even more of a daze than usual this holiday season and we will need to be mindful about impulse buying to chase the blues away.

Could be a good time to organize your dreams and aspirations as old Murky Mercury does its 3 week retro dance from Dec.26 to Jan.15. By this time many of you know of mercury retrograde and the way that it can totally screw up forward motion... because the mind and mental processes are going backwards. Solution is to not push the river forward. You want to get all your ducks in a row,weed out all physical and emotional clutter so that when Mercury moves forward on Jan. 15, you will be ready to go!

On New years Eve, we will have a Blue Moon and a Lunar Eclipse, that is, a second Full Moon in the month, this one being in Cancer which will bring a most interesting vibe to our parties. I find the Lunar Eclipses to be very internal times and this one being Cancer, may encourage many more to stay home and have quieter celebrations.

Whatever you choose, listen to your inner wisdom which is always there to give you the best guidance. See ya next year!!!

ARIES - I love anything new so get me out of this month ASAP. I could go on a shopping frenzy but anything to keep me busy will be good right now. Oh fine, another retro Mercury. Saturn and Pluto wore my poor patience to a frazzle and I had so little to start. I will surely need to learn some new meditation skills or Yoga for this one. Actually, maybe I could go cruise the Yoga studio?

TAURUS - Right now, I just want things to feel a little easier. I mean turkey and stuffing and apple pie sending warm cinnamon smells through the house will really work for me. Back to basics and solid values that I can count on to be there next year is what I need. I know nothing is promised but maybe just a little promise please?

GEMINI - It's my Full Moon Yeahhhhhhhhhh let's have a party or go do karaoke or recite our poetry or, let's do it all. If we schedule it right we can make it all happen in one day. Anybody game? OK I will get on Face Book and Twitter and let all my friends know that it is ON! If you miss it not to worry because it will all be on my BLOG tomorrow.

CANCER - OK Gemini you just run wild. This is my big nesting time and I think I will call Taurus up and plan a cooking day because we are on the same page. Spending quality time with old friends really warms my heart and allows me to just slow down and feel my feelings rather than run away from them. Gratitude is my attitude.

LEO - So glad that you noticed Mars in my sign and yes i am on the prowl for my mate. Life just isn't fun without one and I have so much to offer that it would be a waste to not share my heart and enthusiasm.Others may have left you cold. I promise that would never be the case with me. I would make you my Queen and we would rule our world together purring happily.

VIRGO - I am glad that mercury won't be retrograde til after the holidays because I have everything planned just so and I hate to have to rearrange it all. The retro is always so hard for me but I have learned to get ahead of it and now its not so bad. Planning is everything. My cards are organized and stamped. With Saturn off my butt I have so much more energy and I can actually get a lot done and still have time to read and work on my "special projects."

LIBRA - GIVE PEACE A CHANCE wouldn't that be a wonderful gift under every one's Solstice Tree? If the powers that be could see that War never solves anything and good mediation can work wonders where bullets can not.... Trouble is, sometimes we need to create a more equitable way to share and those who have are rarely willing to simply give to those who do not. Everything in balance really works for us all and we all get more rather than less.

SCORPIO - I think it's all about motivation and intention.That's the key to the lock that opens up our willingness. Now don't think for a minute that I will open up and tell you mine. A girl needs some secrets however, if you really take the time to get to know me, all will be revealed. I just need to know that you are interested in depth and substance. Intensity is good but I have learned not to be beguiled by a one trick pony.

SAGITTARIUS - Enough of all this serious talk. I have had 4 years of that and now I am ready to play. Sky's the limit and for me beyond that. Magic Carpet let's set the controls for the hear of the sun and see where that takes us. A bottle of vino or sparkling juice, a hunk of cheese and some really dark chocolate should be all the supplies that we need for an exotic get away. Maybe a DVD of some of my fave comics for this excursion would be just the ticket.

CAPRICORN - I need to understand the core issues around why I am always struggling. I mean, I don't mind hard work, Goddess knows that I can do that just fine but I need more and want more balance in my life. Saturn is getting on my case about that and creating situations for me that demand that I lose my denial blinders. Pluto is compelling but Saturn forces the issue into reality and I am feeling compelled to change my reality.

AQUARIUS - Like it or not, I am in a polygamous marriage with 3 planets. One of them shifts and we all go tumbling after. Sometimes it's a lot of fun but I rarely know where I am going til I get there and even then, it takes me a minute to shake off the fog. I must be learning some deep lessons that I might have been resisting because this pattern just keeps hammering away at me. OK I am learning to have faith and trust already, I give,now can we get back to something resembling consistent reality?

PISCES - Consistent reality? Oh Aquarius, Please! Since when is reality consistent. You at least have Neptune yanking your chain and she can be so seductive. I am dealing with lightning - fast changes that shift in the blink of an eye, third eye or other. Half the time I am so restless that I don't know what to do with myself while other times I am scrambling to keep up with all the new projects that I start. It's all good but sometimes I long for my peaceful pond.

In case you haven’t noticed, this is not your Mama’s Astrological report. I deliberately let the signs talk right to you, giving them a voice that really tells it like it is!

I have endeavored to make it more gender neutral to speak to all sexual preferences and identities.

If you know your Rising sign, your personal reading will be more accurate if you read the passage for that sign as well as your Sun sign.

For deeper questions and readings of an Astrological or Psychic nature visit my website at:

Monday, November 16, 2009

Alabama school reverses decision about lesbian prom date

The Associated Press announced that the northwest Alabama school district has changed their mind and won't stop a high school student from bringing her girlfriend to prom after the principal initially had said the lesbian couple would not be allowed to attend.

Cynthia Stewart, 17, told the TimesDaily, a Florence newspaper, that she asked to bring her girlfriend to the prom at Tharptown High School in Franklin County Alabama, but was refused permission by the principal.

"All I want is to be able to be myself and go to my prom with the person I love, just like any other student wants to do," said Stewart, who is on the committee planning the dance scheduled for March.

Stewart sought help from the American Civil Liberties Union, and school officials on Tuesday said they had reconsidered.

The school reviews all potential prom dates who, like Stewart's girlfriend, live outside the regular attendance district. Assistant Superintendent Donald Borden said that process hasn't begun but would include the young woman.

"If her date passes, she comes," he said. The checks screen out troublemakers and students with documented behavioral problems.

ACLU attorney Hank Sherrod III said Stewart's girlfriend "is a teenager with no problems that would keep her from being able to attend the prom."

"We're not asking for special treatment. We just want to be treated like everyone else," he said.

Stewart said she hoped that raising the issue would change the way some people think about the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. She said there are other students at Tharptown High School who are gay.

"I'm not just doing this for me; I'm trying to help other kids in my situation," Stewart said.
Kathy Baker, who is Stewart's aunt and legal guardian, appealed the principal's initial refusal to the school board last month. Sherrod said allowing Stewart to bring the date of her choice to the prom was the correct decision.

"This issue is going to be confronting a lot of conservative school districts more and more as this generation accepts people for who they are," Sherrod said. "There is case law that makes right and wrong very clear."

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Lesbian Dating and Relationship Blog Named # 1 on Lesbian Review Site

I am thrilled to announce that my Blog, Lesbian Dating & Relationships, was rated the #1 Lesbian Dating Blog in a recent post called, "Top 50 Lesbian Dating Blogs" from the web site is a website that reviews a variety of lesbian dating sites and lesbian dating blogs.

Mormons in Salt Lake City Back Gay Rights Legislation

The Associated Press announced today that the Mormon church for the first time has announced its support of gay rights legislation, an endorsement that helped gain unanimous approval for Salt Lake city laws banning discrimination against gays in housing and employment.

The Utah-based church's support ahead of Tuesday night's vote came despite its steadfast opposition to gay marriage, reflected in the high-profile role it played last year in California's Proposition 8 ballot measure that barred such unions.

"The church supports these ordinances because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage," Michael Otterson, the director of public affairs for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said.

Passage made Salt Lake City the first Utah community to prohibit bias based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Under the two new ordinances, it is illegal to fire someone from their job or evict someone from their residence because they are lesbian, bisexual, gay or transgender.

Utah lawmakers tend to quickly fall in line when the influential church makes a rare foray into legislative politics. So Tuesday's action could have broad effects in this highly conservative state where more than 80 percent of lawmakers and the governor are church members.

"What happened here tonight I do believe is a historic event," said Brandie Balken, director of the gay rights advocacy group Equality Utah. "I think it establishes that we can stand together on common ground that we don't have to agree on everything, but there are lot of things that we can work on and be allies."

But the church has pointed out an inherent dispute it has with the gay lifestyle. Mormonism considers traditional marriages central to God's plan. Gays are welcome in church, but must remain celibate to retain church callings and full membership.

Its strong support for Proposition 8 in California last year drew a sharp reaction from gay rights supporters nationwide, with many protesting outside temples that singled out Mormons as the key culprits in restricting the rights of gay couples.

Since then, however, Utah's gay community has sought to engage church leaders in quiet conversations to help foster better understanding, said Valerie Larabee, executive director of the Utah Pride Center.

"I thought this conversation would never come to be while I was here in Salt Lake City," said Larabee, adding that the discussions have "shifted her perspective of what's possible" and could foreshadow a different relationship between the two sides.

But addressing the council on Tuesday, Otterson said the endorsement is not a shift in the church's position on gay rights and stressed it "remains unequivocally committed to defending the bedrock foundation of marriage between a man and a woman."

Church support for the ordinances is due in part to the way the legislation was drafted to protect those rights. Exceptions in the legislation allow churches to maintain, without penalty, religious principles and religion-based codes of conduct or rules.

"In drafting these ordinances, the city has granted commonsense rights that should be available to everyone, while safeguarding the crucial rights of religious organizations," Otterson said Tuesday.

Previous Utah legislation that sought statewide protections for the gay community did not contain those exceptions.

And although this was the church's first public endorsement of specific legislation, it is not the first time the church has voiced support for some gay rights. In August 2008 the church issued a statement saying it supports gay rights related to hospitalization, medical care, employment, housing or probate as long as they "do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches."

Last year, church leaders were silent on a package of gay rights bills known as the Common Ground Initiative, dooming them from the start, despite the bill having the support of the most popular governor in state history, Jon Huntsman. Huntsman resigned this summer to become U.S. ambassador to China.

His successor, Gov. Gary Herbert, has repeatedly said it shouldn't be illegal to discriminate against someone for being gay.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

GFest 2009 Arts Festival Seeks to Stamp Out Homophobia in London

London’s premier gay arts festival, GFest – gayWise LGBT Arts Festival, is now in its third year and is promising an exciting line-up to thrill audiences… gay and straight alike.

GFest is a platform for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer artists, organizations, and venues that promote LGBT artists. The festival runs November 9-22 and covers visual arts, performance, and short-films, as well as social events, workshops, and debate. Alongside GFest 09 venues (RichMix, Cochrane Theatre, Drill Hall and McKenzie Pavillion), Wise Thoughts, the charity behind the event, highlights LGBT issues through the arts and takes the lead in stamping out homophobia across London.

According to the Metropolitan Police, there was a “harrowing 14% rise in homophobic attacks this year.”

“With the recent rise in homophobic attacks in London and the UK, it is more important than ever that we continue to reach a mainstream audience,” said Niranjan Kamatkar, Artistic Director. “The festival is truly inclusive and open to anyone with an appreciation of both established and emerging talent. This year, we have taken some risks in selecting work that will challenge audiences. We are really thrilled to announce a greater and ever-expanding artistic content.” Based on a sample of 1,000 plus attendees at last year’s festival, more than 30% said they were straight.

The program for the event was announced last month and the festival launched last week and was hosted by Minister David Lammy at the House of Commons and attended by the Deputy Mayor of London and Stonewall Politician of the Year nominee Lynne Featherstone MP.

The festival will include:
Performances – Cochrane Theatre: November 19, 20, 21
Visual Arts – McKenzie Pavilion: November 9 – 22
Short-Films – RichMix: November 13, 14, 15th
Film workshops/cafes – RichMix: November 13,14,15
Performance workshops – The Drill Hall: November 11, 16, 17th

Parties: November 10, 17th – Royal Vauxhall Tavern / November 14th at RichMix
LGBT Arts Debate at University of the Arts London, November 18th

A full festival program can be found on the GFest website:

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make and How to Avoid Them!

By Larry James

Suddenly, it's clear to you now. The relationship is over! What are you going to do now?

Caution: Don't complicate your life by beginning to date too soon after a break-up. How soon is "too soon?" That will depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. Rule of thumb: Six months or more.

"Or more?" you say. Yes! Six months or more!

When you cut your finger. It takes time for the wound to heal. If the sharp edge cuts to the bone, it may take longer. A thorough healing of a broken heart takes time too.

The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are things that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really are mistakes. Some of you may have made these mistakes more than once.

I know from personal experience that if you will evade these avoidable errors in judgment, ALL of your relationships will work better.

The biggest mistake that newly singles make is getting involved with someone else before the hurts of the past have healed.

Two closely related mistakes include not taking full responsibility for their share of the problems that caused the breakup in the first place and making sure that those issues are complete before beginning again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result. Knowing your heart needs healing and refusing to do anything about it doesn't help prepare you for the next relationship. It only prolongs the agony.

How can you avoid these mistakes? By living solo for awhile.

Before you can successfully get involved with and have a "healthy" love relationship with someone else, you must first get involved with yourself!

When it comes to analyzing yourself, don't be an ostrich. Get your head out of the sand and take a loooooong look at what you did that may have contributed to the break-up and promise yourself that you will make some changes "prior" to your next relationship.

The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviors they did and didn't like in their former partner. Create a "romantic résumé" that lists their positive points and what you are looking for in your next mate.

It's time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together. . . side by side.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't date, it only means, that when you decide to date, you must resist the urge to become intimately involved with anyone else too soon. This is easier when you date lots of people. Don't grab the first one that comes along. Play the field. Make "having FUN" your only priority.

It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. You don't need to expend the additional energy it will take to do that AND work on fully recovering from your last relationship at the same time. That's just not smart. When you strain a muscle, good doctors will insist that you give it a rest if you want it to heal. That's smart. Give a monogamous, committed relationship with someone else a rest for now.

Broken relationships take time to heal. The relationship I am talking about is the broken relationship you have with yourself. Not only must you know this, you must acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin.

We seem to drift around, not knowing what to do, blaming our ex, our mother- in-law, the cat, everyone but the real culprit.

If you want to know what the problem is in your relationships, it's very simple. Look into the mirror. There it is! You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. It's time to take responsibility for who you are, what you do, how you think, who you date. . . everything.

The most important relationship to you right now is the one you have with you! Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority. This significant first step must occur before you can be who you need to be in another healthy love relationship with someone else. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love - the love that you will share with someone else in the future.

The problem with moving too quickly to the next relationship is that there needs to be a cooling off period; that time when you begin to look at the real problem and start making some new choices about shedding all of the baggage of the last relationship.

Reinvent a healthy relationship with you! Rediscover who you are! Take some time for yourself. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it and know that it is only and always your choice to feel that way. Then do something different! In time, as you begin to acknowledge the mistakes you have made in the past and MOST important, accept responsibility for your share of the problem that caused the breakup, the hurts of the past will begin to heal.

If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will look back in disappointment. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past.

Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is! For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. Whatever you want, wants you too.

It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It's time to forgive them so the hurt will heal. Nothing is unforgivable. That is only and always your choice too.

The hurts won't heal until you will allow yourself to forgive.

I suppose the real question is: Just how long do you want to feel the way you feel right now?

If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn't do, then you are missing the point. It's time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are.

It will take a new discipline to do this. Can you do it? You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Broken hearts can mend. It takes time and you must do the work. You can do it! And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn't work.

It takes no strength to let go, only courage.

Let the healing begin.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

In a Relationship, What You Permit. . . You Promote!

by Larry James

When you allow free-floating anxiety to permeate your relationship, you're basically giving it your "stamp of approval." Address the tough issues with straight talk and transparency.

Allow your partner to see and hear who you really are because if you don't talk your partner will most likely assume the worst and nothing will get better. Pretending everything is rosy when it's clearly not will drive a wedge between you that is difficult to remove.

Find creative ways to communicate what is really on your mind. Infuse your relationship with lively and loving conversation. This is especially important when you really don't want to or you are afraid to because of past disagreement memories.

Silence is not golden. It's insulting to your partner and it erodes trust. If you feel the need to get something off your mind. Say it! Never candy-coat it or act like nothing's wrong. Speak your words in the most loving way you can. The sooner the better.

What you permit. . . you promote!

Sameness does not promote relationship growth. If your relationship needs conversation, speak it. Scrutinize your relationship. Cut to the chase. Get down to the nitty-gritty. Inaction is a form of action however it usually gets you nowhere.

Is it time to re-think how you are being in the relationship? Is your relationship out-of-whack. . . or it is just you? Be honest.

If you need help, ask for it. If not. . . prove it.


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