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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Marriage Equality Goes Before the California Supreme Court

It has taken four years for the legal battle over California's marriage equality to reach the Supreme Court. On Tuesday, March 4th at 9:00 am, California's seven Supreme Court justices will hear oral arguments in the San Francisco marriage case that was launched in March of 2004. This case challenges the constitutionality of state law that discriminates against same-sex couples in marriage.

The History:
The San Francisco same-sex weddings took place between February 12 and March 11 of 2004 when San Francisco's mayor, Gavin Newsom, issued a directive to the city-county clerk to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

On February 20, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger ordered state attorney general Bill Lockyer to halt the marriages. Lockyer refused, although he agreed that the marriages were unlawful.

On March 11th, the California Supreme Court ordered the city to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. However by this time, approximately 4,000 same-sex couples had already been issued marriage licenses.

In August of 2004, the Supreme Court ruled that all the marriage licenses are worthless, and the subsequent marriages are not valid.

Shortly after the marriage licenses were invalidated, the marriage cases were filed with the court. In April of 2005, San Francisco Superior Court Judge Richard A. Kramer ruled that the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage violates the California Constitution.

In November of 2006, in a 2-1 vote, the California Court of Appeal reversed Judge Kramer's ruling. Now, the California Supreme Court is poised to hear the case.

This is a landmark case and shouldn't be missed. And lucky for us, we will be able to watch oral arguments live on the California Channel cable network (televised statewide), as well as a live webcast. For a list of local stations, or to find the webcast, go to

There will also be Community viewings available in San Francisco (9 a.m. to 12 noon, unless otherwise noted) at the following locations:


San Francisco LGBT Community Center
Three Dollar Bill Cafe
1800 Market Street (at Octavia)

UC Hastings College of the Law
Louis B. Mayer Auditorium
198 McAllister Street
(Panel discussion about the cases will follow at 12:30 p.m.)

California Supreme Court
Overflow Auditorium
359 McAllister Street

Milton Marks Conference Center
Hiram J. Smith State Office Building
Lower Level
455 Golden Gate Avenue

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck???

Have you heard the news??? Jimmy Kimmel is having "relations" with Ben Affleck.

A fake feud between Jimmy Kimmel and Matt Damon, which includes the late-night host stating he's had to bump Damon from the show every night, escalated this month when Kimmel's girlfriend Sarah Silverman and actor Matt Damon aired a video called "I'm f*cking Matt Damon."

So for his post-Oscars bash, Kimmel retuned fire with a song and video of his own called: "I'm f*inging Ben Affleck."

With appearances by Brad Pitt (as the fed ex guy), Harrison Ford (blowing Kimmel and Affleck a kiss), Cameron Diaz, Robin Williams, McLovin, Huey Lewis, Robin Williams, Don Cheadle and many more (performing in We Are The World-style).

You gotta check this video out... Oh, and if your at work, you may want to turn the volume down a bit. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

NY Judge Okays Lesbian Divorce

There's no such thing as gay marriage in New York, but a Manhattan judge says that doesn't mean there can't be gay divorce.

In a bombshell, first-of-its-kind ruling, state Supreme Court Justice Laura Drager is allowing a Manhattan woman to sue for divorce from the longtime lesbian lover she married in Canada in 2004.

"Donna M." had argued her marriage to "Beth R." should be declared void because New York doesn't allow gay nuptials, but Drager disagreed.

"[T]his court's decision [is] that out-of-state same-sex marriages are properly recognized under our law," and therefore Beth R. can proceed with her divorce and custody action against mother of two Donna M., the ruling says.

Drager noted that there are only two exceptions where New York does not recognize an out-of-state marriage - if it is specifically named by the Legislature as prohibited or is "abhorrent to New York public policy."

The Legislature hasn't specifically outlawed out-of-state same-sex marriages, and "the abhorrence exception is so narrow that it has been applied only to marriages involving polygamy or incest," the judge wrote.

Donna M.'s lawyer vowed to appeal.

"The judge's decision was scholarly and well thought out, but it sets aside 200 years of decisional and statutory law in New York," said her lawyer, Raoul Felder. "She wants to change the law. That's something for the Legislature to do."

Another of Donna M.'s lawyers, Bettina Hinden, noted the ruling also allows Beth R. to seek custody of Donna M.'s two daughters, even though she never legally adopted them.

The lawyer for Beth R., Susan Sommer, said the judge is following the law and is "just applying it in a different situation."

Drager's decision describes both women as in their 40s and working in media.

"They met in late 1999 and soon thereafter entered into an intimate relationship," Drager wrote.

They moved in together, and Donna M. had a baby via artificial insemination in October 2003. They tied the knot in front of family and friends in Toronto on Valentine's Day in 2004, and Donna M. gave birth to another girl in 2006.

The elder child, identified as "J.R.," referred to Beth R. as "Mom" and Donna M. as "Mommy," and both women "cared for the children and contributed to their support," the judge wrote.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

A Year After Death, Lesbian Fights for Justice for Partner

Lambda Legal news release:

Lambda Legal Advocates for Washington Woman Denied Visitation with Dying Partner in Miami Hospital.

Miami -- "There is nothing that can make up for what my children and I endured that day," said Lambda Legal client Janice Langbehn about the way she was treated on the day her partner, Lisa Pond, died. "We only want the hospital to take responsibility for how they treated us and ensure that it doesn't happen to another family."

On the one-year anniversary of Lisa Pond's death, Lambda Legal announces its intent to file a lawsuit on behalf of Pond's same-sex partner and family.

A year ago Janice Langbehn's partner of nearly 18 years was pronounced brain dead after being stricken with a brain aneurysm. While at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, Florida, she was met with prejudice and apathy. Janice and her family were consistently denied visitation and didn't see Lisa until many hours after she was admitted. Lambda Legal has officially sent a notice of intent to sue to the hospital on Janice's behalf.

"The treatment that Janice and her children received was unethical and discriminatory," said Beth Littrell, Staff Attorney for Lambda Legal. "This letter puts them on notice that we are advocating for justice for Janice and her children."

While on a family cruise leaving from Miami Lisa Pond, a healthy 39 year-old, suddenly collapsed. She was rushed to Miami's Jackson Memorial Hospital with her partner Janice and three children following close behind. There, the hospital refused to accept information from Janice about her partner's medical history. Janice was informed that she was in an antigay city and state, and she could expect to receive no information or acknowledgment as family. A doctor finally spoke with Janice telling her that there was no chance of recovery. Other than one five minute visit, which was orchestrated by a Catholic priest at Janice's request to perform last rites, and despite the doctor's acknowledgement that no medical reason existed to prevent visitation, neither Janice nor her children were allowed to see Lisa until nearly eight hours after their arrival. Soon after Lisa's death, Janice tried to get her death certificate in order to get life insurance and Social Security benefits for their children. She was denied both by the State of Florida and the Dade County Medical Examiner.

In accordance with Florida law, Lambda Legal is waiting for the hospital to respond to the notice of intent to sue before formally filing a complaint with the court. The hospital has six months from January 14th, the date of Lambda Legal's letter, to respond.

Beth Littrell, Staff Attorney in Lambda Legal's Southern Regional Office in Atlanta is lead counsel on the case for Lambda Legal. She is joined by co-counsel Donald J. Hayden of Baker & McKenzie, LLP.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What Do Butches Want?

So have you ever heard the name Felice Newman? Maybe you've heard of her book, “Whole Lesbian Sex?,” ringing any bells yet? Well, Felice Newman is a sex educator and certified Somatic Coach, as well as the author of The whole lesbian sex book: A passionate Guide for all of us. And yes, I do have my very own copy…it lives right under my bed and gets pulled out from time -to-time when I am feeling creative and...umm...well... I digress…

Anyway, Ms Newman has written many amazing and educational articles and I thought it might be fun to share one of my favorite articles with you. And if your wondering what exactly I like about these articles, I guess it's the fact that she holds nothing back...she doesn't beat around the bush (no pun intended), she just comes right out and says it all!!! Oh, and this is definitely for "Mature" audiences...okay, maybe I shouldn't say mature, how about I just say 18 and over???

Author Felice Newman

Butches, bois, stone butches. A sexy brew of masculinity in a female body. Do they, well, you know, get fucked? Heels in the air or on their knees, do butches give it up? And if they don't, what do they like?

That was the question a femme, newly smitten with her first butch partner, asked me recently: "What do butches want?"

Many butches like strap-on sex. Some like clitoral stimulation and some like cunnilingus. Others like rimming and anal penetration. And yes, some butches like getting fucked vaginally.

If getting a partner off is central to lesbian sex, it's paramount to butch sex. Often what a butch wants most is to drive a silicone dildo – or fingers or a hand – into the place that will please a partner most – cunt, asshole, or mouth. When your butch is bringing you to orgasm, her body becomes a conduit for sexual energy.

Of course, let's not assume your butch requires direct genital stimulation to get off.

Just the visuals of that dildo thrusting in and out of you may be enough to push your butch over the edge. The base of the dildo rubbing against her clit (perhaps with the help of a well-placed egg vibe) may provide the stimulation she needs. Many butches slip a hand under their harness and take care of themselves.

The real question is this: Is there something wrong with a partner who doesn't want you paying attention to her genitals. Is that a hurdle to be overcome or a preference, thank you very much?

Don't assume that every stone needs to be melted. That butch's sexuality is her business. For some, it is indeed a preference. Others may go to great lengths to explore the source of their disinclination to receiving touch, much less vaginal penetration. They may examine all the nooks and crannies of their histories and turn every rock in their psychic gardens. They can work through past trauma and come to terms with gender dysphoria. And then decide – you know what? – it was a preference all along. Not everyone wants to get fucked.

But some do. Some butches want to explore receptive sex. It's an individual choice. If a butch decides she wants to explore receptivity, there are many ways to go about that. (For starters, it helps to have a partner who accepts her exactly as she is.) Here are some suggestions:

Femmes, don't run out and buy a sparkly red patent leather strap-on. Take it slow.

Butches, bust your own myths. Many butches believe that "real" butches don't get penetrated. ("Well, maybe in the ass. But if you eroticize your female genitals, you're not really butch.") Not true.

By opening up the subject with your partner, you, as the butch, are not agreeing to give up your identity or your lifelong sexual practices. It's just a conversation. You don't have to change a thing.

Don't conflate receptivity with "bottoming." If you're into power play, you can construe a scene where the butch "orders" the femme to "service" her.

In any case, the butch directs the action, deciding how far to go and when to quit – no judgments.

Receptivity is an energetic quality that can be cultivated – it isn't necessarily about who's doing what to whom. In fact, you can be stone through and through and be receptive. How? Well, you can be open and inviting of the pleasures of the senses rather than closed or defended.

So what do butches want? Well, a lot of things – a classic hand job or blow job. Your butch may put her heels in the air in her own rendition of Bend Over Boyfriend. She may even invite your fingers, hand, or mouth to explore her body inside and out. When she's packing for you, dear femme, she wants you spread before her, your body wrapped around her sex. However that butch likes to get off is good – because that truly is what she wants.

Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Remembering Lawrence King

15-year-old student, Lawrence King,  was shot and killed at school last week. Friends say the reason was his sexual orientation and gender expression.

If you haven't yet heard about this incident, here are some of the the details:

Lawrence King, an eighth grader who identified as gay and wore makeup and nail polish, was 15 when he was declared brain dead. On February 12th, Lawrence King was shot in the head in front of a classroom full of student at E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, CA. Police have charged Brandon McInerney, 14, with first-degree murder and with a hate crime. According to the Los Angeles Times and KTLA, McInerney and some other boys accosted King about his sexuality on Feb. 11. Students apparently often taunted King, who didn't even have a safe home to return to after school: he was living in a shelter for abused and troubled children.

Vigils in memory of Lawrence King, calling for an end to violence and harassment directed at lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in schools, are being organized in communities across the country this week. Check below to find a vigil in your area, or fill out the form to list a remembrance event in your community. This page was created to support the efforts of organizations and individuals nationwide. The more events we organize, the louder our collective voice. Please help make sure that what happened to Lawrence never happens again.

To join others online:

To join others in person:

Lawrence King Remembrance Vigil
San Francisco, California
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sign-making at 5 pm, Vigil begins at 6 pm
Location: Lobby of the SF LGBT Center
1800 Market at Octavia
Co-Sponsored By: CUAV, GSA Network, LYRIC, SF LGBT Center, Transgender Law Center

Remembering Lawrence Candle Light Vigil
Ukiah, California
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
5:15 PM
Location: State and Perkins Streets
Ukiah, Ca
Co-Sponsored By: GSA, PFLAG, MEUSA, PAN, United For Safe Schools, GLAM

Remembering Lawrence Candle Light Vigil
Willits, California
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
5:30 PM
Location: Parking lot next to 38 S. Main St
Willits, CA
Co-Sponsored By: GSA, PFLAG, Marriage Equality USA, Pride Alliance Network, GLAM and United for Safe Schools

Candlelight Vigil
Fresno, California
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
7 pm
Location: Corner of Shaw & Blackstone
Co-Sponsored By: GSA Network, Community Link, Fresno City College Diversity Club
Questions: 559-268-2780

Sacramento Vigil
Sacramento, California
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
5:30 PM
Location: Sacramento Gay and Lesbian Center
Co-Sponsored By: GSA Network, Sac Stonewall, Senator Darrell Steinberg, Sac BOE Member Gretchen Bender, CAPPAC, Respect Sacramento, Mariko Yamada Yolo County BOS
Candlelight Vigil Remembering Lawrence King
West Hollywood/Los Angeles, California
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
gather in the park at 7:00 p.m.
Location: West Hollywood Park
647 N San Vicente Blvd.
Co-Sponsored By: GSA Network, Transgender Law Center, Equality California, City of West 

Public Memorial Service
Port Hueneme, California
Friday, February 22, 2008
3 pm
Location: Westminster Presbyterian Church of Hueneme
755 Bard Road
Co-Sponsored By: The King Family

Talk With Your Kids About Guns dedicated to memory of Lawrence King
Aliso Viejo, California
Thursday, February 28, 2008
7 p.m. Admission is free
Location: Aliso Viejo Public Library
Co-Sponsored By: National Council of Jewish Women - Orange County, GLSEN Orange County, Women Against Gun Violence

Gay American Heroes Foundation
Miami Beach, Florida
Friday, February 29, 2008
7:30 - 10:00 pm
Location: Miami Beach Botanical Gardens (next to Lincoln Road)
2000 Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach
Co-Sponsored By: Gay American Heroes Foundation; Freedom Democrats; National Gay and Lesbian Task Fore; Stonewall Library and Archives; Safe Schools South Florida
Questions: 321-506-8738

Straight and Gay Alliance
Chicago, Illinois
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
2 p.m. Room A207
Location: Wilbur Wright College
Montrose and Naragansett
Co-Sponsored By: Michael Christopher Oboza

The L.King Memorial
Weston, Massachusetts
Friday, February 22, 2008
Location: The Rivers School
333 winter street
Co-Sponsored By: The Rivers School GSA
Questions:, or

Raytown High GLBSA Lawrence Vigil
Ratown , Missouri
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Location: Raytow High School Room 224
Co-Sponsored By: Royal Daily Raytown High School
Questions: 916-358-0907

Kansas City Vigil in Remembrance of Lawrence King
Kansas City, Missouri
Friday, February 22, 2008
7:00 PM
Location: Broadway Church
39th Terrace & Broadway
Co-Sponsored By: Broadway Church, Campfire, EQuAL, GLSEN-Greater Kansas City, Harmony, Kansas Equality Coalition, PFLAG-Kansas City, PROMO, Scouting for All,
Questions: 816-237-6686
North Carolina

Lawrence King Memorial Speak Out
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Friday, February 22, 2008
Location: UNC Chapel Hill Pit in front of Graham Student Union
South Rd.
Co-Sponsored By: UNC Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center

New Jersey
Jersey City Vigil
Jersey City, New Jersey
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
7 pm
Location: 34 Wayne Street
Outside of Star Bar

New York
Remember Lawrence King
Albany, New York
Friday, February 22, 2008
All Day
Location: 140 Academy Road Albany NY
Co-Sponsored By: The Albany Academies

Monday, February 18, 2008

Free Internet Dating Site

I can’t even start to tell you how many of my single friends say to me that the only reason they haven’t tried “internet dating," is because they think it costs too much. Well guess what, no more excuses. I just heard about this new Free dating site that is in Beta phase and set to launch on April 2nd, 2008.

Without costing you a dime,, will provide all the same basic features that sites like and Yahoo Personals offer, but with extra features such as creating and joining interest groups and event invite options. And yes, they are lesbian friendly.

So no more excuses! Go out there and take advantage of this free dating site, you never know, you may find just what you were looking for.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Queer Comics Reading & Signing: Local Cartoonists Celebrate the Diversity of LGBT Comic Books

For those of you out there who enjoy reading comics or are into supporting local Gay/Lesbian Artists, check out this great upcoming event in San Francisco.

Six stellar, local cartoonists join forces on Saturday, February 23rd for a reading and signing at the LGBT Center's 3 Dollar Bill Café. Queer comics have never been richer and more vibrant, and the Bay Area creators especially typify this new diversity of themes and styles.

Brian Andersen So Super Duper
Paige Braddock
Jane's World
Justin Hall
True Travel Tales, Hard To Swallow
Andy Hartzell
Fox Bunny Funny, Monday
Estrus Comics
Tommy Roddy
Pride High

When: Saturday, February 23rd, 7-10pm, with readings beginning at 8pm
Where: 3 Dollar Bill Café, at the LGBT Center, 1800 Market St.

Sponsored by Prism Comics and Whatever Comics

The Queer Cartoonists Reading takes place on the evening of the first day of Wonder Con, northern California's largest comic book convention.

WonderCon celebrates its 22nd year as Northern California's most popular comics and pop culture event with a return to Moscone Center South on February 22-24, 2008. The February date solidifies WonderCon's status as the first major convention of the year in the United States. To find out more about the Con, please visit

I Was Kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space

Lesbian Comic Strip By Megan Rose Gedris

Review by Paige Braddock, author of Jane's World.

Susan Bell was a normal girl, just out of college with a great job as a secretary but everything changed when Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space kidnapped her.

Despite the antennas sprouting from their bouffant hair it takes Susan a while to figure out she’s on a space ship and not a “ship” ship. Until friendly alien pirate, Alice, explains the whole mess, while seated on the stairs of the engine room.

“Never see Earth again?! But Earth is where all my shoes are!!!” exclaims Susan.

Megan Rose Gedris writes and illustrates this comic romp through outer space, which is published online by Drunk Duck. Five full-color comic books worth of material are currently up on the website and can be viewed for free. Although, I personally would really like to see these books in print as soon as possible.

Gedris’s drawing style is bold, with primary colors and dynamic panel design. She uses the course, color dot screens mimicking the old school Ben Day dot color of golden age comics to punch up the campy 1960’s styling of this very modern online comic. Images are magnified and sometimes simplified but she never cuts corners on the hair styling of this crew of sassy lesbonauts.

These extraterrestrial pirates picked up Susan Bell because she set off their “gaydar” unit while they were cruising through Earth’s atmosphere. However, Susan is not convinced that she’s a lesbian and despite conveniently contrived psychic moments designed to get her out of her clothes, the pirate crew has yet to win her over to the Sapphic side of the fence.

There are some laugh-out-loud moments in each book. Like when the pirate gals set off to rob a bank and Susan decides to go with them, only she hasn’t had her weapons training yet and manages to shoot holes in the captain’s bouffant hair do.

There’s another funny (yet slightly gruesome) scene where a doctor is talking some not-so-bright operating room techs through a surgical procedure from a phone booth, only to be yanked out of the booth by Male Man at a very critical moment, because he needs to change into his super hero costume. Unfortunately for the patient, they proceed with the surgery using an ice cream scoop.

And when Sally Speed shows up to enter a race wager with the sexy, red-headed pirate captain, I had to keep reading to find out who would have to do whose bidding for a day.

Hot female space pirates sporting futuristic pointy bustier, skull tattoos, bouffant hair and eye patches, all packaged comically into a sci-fi lesbian comic book. What more could you ask for?!

Monday, February 11, 2008

What is Chemistry?

When it comes to a lasting relationship, most women believe that having an emotional, intellectual and spiritual attraction are more important than the initial physical attraction. However, they also agree that there needs to be a certain romantic chemistry to sustain the passion and a lasting relationship.

But what is Chemistry? And how does it all work? The scientific definition of Sexual Chemistry is “a natural, mutual romantic attraction between two people which results from a mixture of physical attraction and natural, mutual personality-based rapport.”

So why is it that sometimes sexual chemistry can be great with someone we have absolutely nothing in common with? Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, and author of “Why We Love," explains it like this, ”Sexual chemistry does not always equal love, and this is because we’ve evolved distinct brain systems for mating. One system controls the craving for sexual gratification. Another system rules over romantic love, that obsessive thinking and craving and focusing on one individual. They’re not always connected, which is why you can be madly in love with someone and only have so-so sex with them while you can have intensely passionate sex with someone you never want to see again!”

Why is it that sometimes we find ourselves attracted to women we know aren’t good for us? Ever been in a situation where you’re not interested in someone until you find out they aren’t interested in you? Or perhaps your friends are telling you not to date someone and then all of a sudden you find yourself wanting them? Dr. Fisher describes this behavior as “frustration attraction.” She says, “These kinds of relationships could literally become an addiction where you do crazy things: You wait all night by the phone or even join in dangerous behaviors.” If you find yourself in this situation stop and check in with yourself, what is the real reason your dating this person? Some women find themselves attracted to the challenge of trying to change their partner. Others enjoy the excitement that comes from unpredictable personalities. If you can identify your motives, it will help give you control over your emotions—and help you to see the relationship for what it really is.

Is it possible for one person to feel Chemistry while the other feels nothing? “The truth of the matter is that some people are just very polite,” states Dr. Fisher. In other words, if you’re not “into” someone, make sure you’re not sending the wrong message. This doesn’t mean you have to be rude about the way you let them down, it just means you shouldn’t flirt or make a second date if you have no real interest. And if by chance you are on the other end of this equation and you’re trying to figure out if someone is interested in you, just be aware that your own emotions can be deceiving you. “When you are madly attracted to someone, you re-interpret everything they do,” says Dr. Fisher. “They can be giving every indication they aren’t interested and you still can’t hear them. They say love is blind and it’s true—the emotion is so powerful, it is designed to overlook things to the contrary.”

Why is it that we can have good phone or internet chemistry, but feel nothing in person? Sight, smell, sound and taste all provide information that can contribute to romantic chemistry. However, Dr. Fisher states that “Eighty percent of what we take into the human brain is visual. So somebody can be witty and romantic online or even over the phone, but if you don’t like what you they look like, it isn’t going to work.” In addition, you will often find that an online persona is based on what people want you to see, not necessarily who they really are. However, this doesn’t mean there is no hope for the two of you. If you do feel some connection in person, but are just not sure, go ahead and make a second date, it will give your date time to relax and expose their true personality.

Why does chemistry seem to disappear over time? A huge contributor to the intensity of romantic chemistry is actually brain chemicals. When we find ourselves attracted to someone romantically, our brain releases a chemical called phenyl ethylamine, which is similar to amphetamines. This chemical is the cause of our erratic behavior whenever we are near someone we are interested in. As time goes by, less and less of this chemical is released into our body. This doesn’t mean our relationship is over, it just means it is undergoing a transformation. “The calming of passion in a relationship is actually a survival trait,” says Dr. Fisher. “When you’re courting, you do things that are very taxing to your mind and body: You talk until dawn, you forget to go to work, you forget to call your friends, you forget to feed the dog, you dash off and spend all of your money in Paris. If you were to live the next twenty years in that state, you’d certainly die of exhaustion!”

Brain chemicals aren't the only culprits, as lesbians we often get into routine ways of spending time together and making love. Some of us give up our independence and old friends and we start to act out of obligation. Forgetting that we are two separate individuals can blind us from the sexual attraction we initially felt in the beginning of our relationship. During times of conflict or imbalance, it is important to take time for each. Whether that means setting up a date night, taking a vacation somewhere romantic, or just surprising your partner with a special gift, a few simple actions can rekindle that old spark and help to reignite the passion in your relationship.

Perhaps writer Anastasia Toufexis defines chemistry best, “It's a commingling of body and soul, reality and imagination, poetry and phenyl ethylamine. In our deepest hearts, most of us harbor the hope that love will never fully yield up its secrets, that it will always elude our grasp.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Freedom to Marry Week Events

This year’s National Freedom to Marry Day and Marriage Equality Day events include statewide counter-demonstrations, which asks gay couples to request a marriage license. When, inevitably, they are turned down, couples are to demand equal rights of their county clerk. Counter-demonstrations are planned at over 20 county clerk offices, in addition to statewide educational forums, benefits, and celebrations to support same-sex marriage.

The Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act, or AB 43, if passed, would make same-sex marriage legal in California. Authored by assemblymember Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, AB 43 will need assembly and senate vote. If successful, the bill then will need Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s approval. AB 43 is expected to arrive to the Assembly Appropriations Committee in March.

“Marriage is the universally recognized term for two people in relationships,” Geoff Kors, executive director of EQCA says. “When you’re married, your relationship is recognized. People in domestic partnerships and civil unions, they’re only recognized in the state, where marriage is recognized everywhere.”

There are “over 1000 rights and benefits that they can’t receive,” adds Kors, about the issues that arise when same-sex couples are denied marriage.

Kors says that same-sex couples under domestic partnerships and civil unions do not receive SSI benefits, which matter when a spouse dies, partners are taxed for insurance, and for bi-national couples, one partner can’t sponsor the other for immigration.

February 12: Los Angeles Premier of The Year of Paper
February 13: AT&T showing of Pursuit of Equality (San Francisco)
February 14: Valentine’s Day marriage counter events across the state
February 14: Frameline screening of The Year of Paper (San Francisco)
Other February Events: The Future of Marriage (San Diego)

For more information on National Freedom to Marry Day and Marriage Equality Day demonstrations and events, visit, and

Friday, February 8, 2008

How to Learn from a Breakup

Written by Marie Hughes

When a relationship ends, you should take the time to reflect on the reasons that it has ended so that you can learn from your mistakes.

Breakups are a learning opportunity. If you take the time to examine the reasons for your breakup, then you may be able to avoid letting history repeat itself in your dating life. There are two sides to every coin – personal growth can be the flip side to your sadness over the loss of a relationship. What was the cause of your breakup?

If you cheated on your mate, then you might be feeling very guilty and untrustworthy. You can learn from this experience that you have to work on being more honest. If you cheated, you probably were not happy in the relationship to begin with. However, you did the wrong thing by being unfaithful rather than honest. You should have ended the relationship, not strayed from it. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure that you really want to be there. It is not fair to the person that you are with for you to be unfaithful. If anyone has ever cheated on you, you know how painful it feels. Rather than dwelling on your indiscretion, forgive yourself, and move forward with the conviction that you will not do it again.

If your mate was cheating on you, and that was the cause of your breakup, there’s still an opportunity for personal growth. Understandably, you feel very hurt and betrayed. However, this is your chance to be strong and independent. You can get through this, and when you do, you will feel incredibly empowered and proud of yourself for your strength. Breaking up with your unfaithful significant other was the right move; you stood up for yourself, and you made it clear that you were not someone who is to be taken advantage of.

If your relationship ended because you wanted to take your relationship to the next level, and your mate did not want to get too serious, then you will learn to pair yourself up with a person who has similar goals for the future. Get in a relationship with someone who is looking to settle down, if that is what you are looking to do. If you were the one who did not want to get too serious, then you should be looking for someone who is also looking for a casual relationship. Leading people on is not right, and it can only lead to hurt feelings. Be honest with yourself and with the people that you date in the future.

Perhaps your mate broke up with you because you could not control your anger. You yelled too much, and you were constantly putting your significant other down. If you were not treating your mate right, then they were right to leave. You have to learn to control yourself and to express your feelings in a healthier way. This is your opportunity to change your poor behavior so that your future relationships will not suffer in the same way. You’re not a bad person; you just made some bad choices. If you have severe anger management problems, you should seek professional help.

If you’re on the other end of the abusive relationship, then you have to learn not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of and used as a human punching bag. You deserve to be treated with care and respect, and you should accept nothing less in your future relationships. Do not compromise your happiness for someone who is not treating you properly. If you have low self esteem, you have to work on feeling better about yourself before you will be ready to share your life with another person again.

If the relationship ended because you simply did not feel that it had a future, then you have to ask yourself why it is that you did not see a future between the two of you. Do you have unrealistic expectations? Or is it simply that the two of you do not want the same things out of life, or that you have grown apart over the course of your relationship? If you have established a pattern off breaking off relationships when they become too serious, then you need to determine whether not that is just a fear of commitment on your half. On the other hand, if you truly believe that your ex’s goals were too different from your own for your relationship’s future to thrive, then you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing. If there is no future, then you should not be wasting your time, and breaking up with your mate will give you the opportunity to seek out someone whose goals are similar to your own. It is natural to feel sadness and loss after you break up with someone that you have had a romantic relationship with, but in order to get over it, you have to look for the silver lining.

Monday, February 4, 2008


It doesn't matter how political you are or what political party you stand behind, if you live in one of the states that is holding a primary today, go out and VOTE!

Feb 5th Primary States are:
New York
New Jersey
New Mexico(D)

Friday, February 1, 2008

Super Bowl for the Clueless - Outsports' annual guide to the big game

Although I am not much of a football fan, I have to admit, there is something about the way a woman talks about the Super Bowl game that can get me a bit excited...or maybe it's just the woman that gets me excited...hmmm…either way, it's a big party day for most lesbians and having a little knowledge about the game is always a bonus. Knowing that I cannot be the only football challenged lesbian (is that the politically correct term?), I found this helpful Super Bowl Guide and thought it was quite appropriate for this Sunday.

Super Bowl for the Clueless
By Jim Buzinski

The Super Bowl is again upon us, and like death and taxes there is no escaping it. The teams were off last week and we still heard about Tom Brady and his model girlfriend in addition to a lineman who used to castrate lambs with his teeth. Mercifully, the game is almost here.

Since some of you reading this barely know who is playing, Outsports offers as a public service our annual Super Bowl for the Clueless.

WHAT: Super Bowl 42 (I am lousy with Roman numerals, so will ignore the NFL’s designation of SB XLII). The New England Patriots represent the American Football Conference and the New York Giants the National Football Conference. The game will be played Sunday with a 6:30 p.m. EST kickoff from Glendale, Ariz. Fox will broadcast the game.

The Patriots (18-0) are seeking to become the first NFL team to finish 19-0 and join the 1972 Miami Dolphins as the only unbeaten teams. The Giants (13-6) have taken the hard road, becoming only the third team in history to win three consecutive road playoff games to reach the Super Bowl.

New England is a big favorite, with the Las Vegas pointspread favoring them by 12 points. They are the biggest favorite since the 2001 Patriots were 14-point underdogs to St. Louis (New England won that game in a huge upset, something that gives Giants fans hope).

WHERE: The game will be played in Glendale, Ariz., in suburban Phoenix at the University of Phoenix Stadium. There is no University of Phoenix team, but the school, which has a heavy online presence, paid $154 million for 20 years to the naming rights to the stadium. The stadium architect, Peter Eisenman, is a New York Giants fan, so he is assured great seats to the game.

The area is not used to seeing quality professional football, being home to the mediocre Arizona Cardinals, a franchise that has won one playoff game since 1948, being based in Chicago, then St. Louis and since 1988 Arizona.

FASHION NOTE: The Giants, the designated road team, will wear their white jerseys with light gray pants and maroon numbers. The Patriots will wear their home dark blue jerseys with light silver numbers.

THE CITIES: New York vs. Boston. Arrogant know-it-all fans vs. arrogant know-it-all fans; insufferable to those of us outside the Northeast corridor. Think Yankees vs. Red Sox in baseball and you get the idea of the fan base in each city. The downside? One city will get to throw a victory parade. The upside? One city won’t.

THE TEAMS, GOSSIP EDITION: The Patriots are chasing history, and trying to outrun the shame of being caught cheating in their opening day game against the Jets for illegally videotaping New York’s defensive signals. The team was fined $500,000 and stripped of a draft pick. In response, the New York Post has run an * all season besides their record in the standings.

In addition, safety Rodney Harrison – voted by his peers the dirtiest player in the league – was suspended four games for using human growth hormone. Nose tackle Vince Woolfork has been fined four times this season for dirty play, including when he poked Giants running back Brandon Jacobs in the eye during their regular season game, ala Moe of the Three Stooges.

The Pats are led by star quarterback Tom Brady, who fathered a child out of wedlock (with actress Bridget Moynahan) and now goes out with supermodel Giselle Bundchen, who dated Leonard Di Caprio for six years. Brady lives in Boston but makes the New York gossip sheets more than almost any full-time resident for his frequent forays into the city. He’s even had to deal with the nastiest rumor of all – that he is losing his hair and seeing a hair-plug specialist. Oh, the horror!

On the plus side, Brady is a fashion-plate, consistently one of the great heartthrobs for gay men and considering being a Calvin Klein model. On the field, his play is impeccable, having set a record with 50 touchdown passes this season.

Even their coach, Bill Belichick, has a colorful off-field life. A New Jersey construction worked accused Belichick of being the “other man” in a divorce proceeding against his wife, a New York Giants receptionist (Belichick was an assistant coach for the Giants until 1991). The coach has paid the women more than $150,000 in cash and gifts, including a summer rental on the Jersey shore. She has denied the accusation but is said to be attending the Super Bowl.

On the field, Belichick is brilliant, secretive, arrogant and paranoid – think Richard Nixon in a hoodie. No coach prepares his team better and is able to compartmentalize distractions.

Patriots owner Bob Kraft, meanwhile, made news in 2005 while on a visit to Russia. There he showed Russian President Vladimir V. Putin his “4.94-carat, diamond-encrusted 2005 Super Bowl ring” … which Putin promptly pocketed. This reminds me of a Russian historian, who when asked to sum up his countrymen’s national character, replied: “They steal.”

The Giants, despite being from New York, are kind of boring by comparison. Quarterback Eli Manning, of the Manning quarterback dynasty, is still going out with his college sweetheart and doesn’t give Page Six much to write about. Lineman Grey Ruegamer did give a colorful interview about his days castrating lambs, but no one outside his immediate family and lambs everywhere had ever heard of Ruegamer before this week.

The Giants do have a gay connection. Tight end Jeremy Shockey twice was slammed for uttering anti-gay comments (including calling a rival coach a “homo”), but he suffered a season-ending injury in December and has not been heard from since; karma’s a bitch.

Defensive lineman Michael Strahan, in the middle of a nasty divorce last year, denied charges by his estranged wife that he is gay. Strahan, though, is very gay-friendly, and has done work for the Men’s Health Crisis, a New York anti-AIDS group. “I have plenty of friends that are bi or homosexual,” he said. “It's fine with me. This is New York City. If you can't accept people for being people, then you have no business being here." Strahan is one of the good guys.

THE HALFTIME ENTERTAINMENT: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers! Wow, that will really draw the coveted 18-29 demo. At least the NFL won’t have to worry about Petty exposing his nipple, though my friend Jim Allen hopes he performs some of his songs that have sly drug-related references.

Alicia Keys and ‘American Idol’ winner Jordin Sparks will perform in the pre-game, with Sparks signing the National Anthem. She is the daughter of former New York Giants and Dallas Cowboys cornerback Phillippi Sparks.

COMMERCIALS: Face it, a lot of you will watch only for the commercials, lame as they often are (each 30-second spot sells for $2,7 million; for that money you think they'd come up with more creative spots). We all wonder if there will be controversy like last year, when a Snickers ad was blasted by some for being homophobic.

Lesbian fans will be thrilled to know that Victoria’s Secret will advertise this year. For the guys, Under Armour, the skintight, body-hugging apparel, is making its debut. We can only hope they have recruited some NFL hotties for the ads.

According to AP, Bridgestone Tire has two spots: “One ad features a car accelerating toward Richard Simmons as he dances on a road at night. In the other, a woman screams as the car she's riding in approaches a squirrel nibbling on an acorn.” In addition, several ads done by amateurs will make the cut. If you miss any ads, YouTube will be flooded with them after the game.

THE GAME: After a zillion-hour pregame show and huge buildup, a football game will be played. The Patriots have won three Super Bowls since 2001, each by three points. In addition, these two teams met in the last game of the regular season and the Patriots won a thriller, 38-35. A close game is possible, but I doubt it will happen.

New England’s toughest games, save for their comeback win in a dome at Indianapolis, have all come in cold or bad weather. The conditions in Arizona will be perfect (the stadium has a retractable roof and will be open unless bad weather threatens). A dry, fast track favors a New England offense that set a record for points and touchdowns in a season. Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Laurence Maroney – all these Pats are major offensive playmakers and stopping them all is impossible. The Giants have a gritty defense and terrific pass rush, but their secondary is banged-up and suspect. It’s hard to see them slowing the Patriots down enough to keep it close.
One caveat: The big story all week will be the condition of the right ankle ot Brady. He sprained it in the AFC Championship Gameon Jan. 20 and was seen wearing a protective boot the day after. ESPN said that Brady would not have been able to play had the Super Bowl been played one week later and not two. He insists he is fine and I suspect that's the case. However, if he reinjures himself and has to leave the game early, the edge shifts dramatically to New York. Brady's backup, Matt Casell, can match him in the looks departement but not in football talent.

On defense, teams have shown they can move the ball on New England, but the Pats stiffen when opponents get inside their 20-yard line. In the AFC Championship Game, the San Diego Chargers got inside the Patriots' 10-yard line three times and had to settle for field goals; the Giants will need touchdowns, not field goals, to have a chance.

The Giants feature a solid running game with Brandon Jacobs and rookie Ahmad Bradshaw, a key to keeping their offense on the field and Brady and company on the sideline. In addition, Eli Manning is poised and has not thrown an interception in the playoffs. The Giants will be able to move the ball but I don’t see them finishing a lot with touchdowns.

I expect a close game until halftime, when New England pulls away in the second half and caps a perfect season. Patriots 37, Giants 20.

Help Stop An Anti-Equality Marriage Amendment

In 2006, California became the first state to prevent an effort by right-wing radicals and religious extremists to qualify an anti-equality marriage amendment on the California state ballot. In a renewed effort to place a discriminatory constitutional amendment onto the California ballot this November, these conservative organizations have hired paid signature gatherers to do their dirty work.

Two of these out-of-state organizations, and, are financially backing this effort to deny California's same-sex couples the right to marry. To get this amendment onto the 2008 ballot, they will need to gather 1.2 million signatures by April. 

"These out-of-state extremists continue to expend time and resources to write discrimination into our California Constitution, in spite of the fact that Californians are tired of these costly and divisive campaigns," said Lorri L. Jean, chief executive officer of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, and member of the Equality for All campaign's executive committee. "California voters have a long history of supporting fairness and equal treatment under the law. We believe voters will reject this measure, and the politics of hate and division it represents."

As Californians and lesbians, we need to make it a priority to thwart all efforts by these out-of-state extremists to make decisions for our state. It is essential that we pass this information on to our friends and families so that we can prevent anyone from signing a petition that will allow marriage discrimination in California.

You can find more information about the Equality for All campaign is available at


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