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Monday, September 24, 2007

So Where Do You Go to Meet Other Single Lesbians?

Being a thirty-something, single lesbian in a heterosexual, male-dominated world, doesn’t exactly make for easy dating. Just trying to figure out where to meet other single lesbians can be a difficult task. So…based on my own dating experiences, and a little internet research (my favorite pass time), I came up with a list of the best places, in my opinion, to meet other single lesbians.

These are not in any particular order:

Sporting Events/Activities: Well as cliché as it might sound, one of the best places to meet other lesbians is at a women’s softball, soccer or football game. Whether you’re interested in actually joining a team, or you choose to just hangout in the stands, you’re bound to run into a handful (if not more) of single lesbians. If you’re not much of a team sports fan, try joining a women’s hiking, biking or camping group, there is bound to be a few lesbians in the bunch.

Local Lesbian Clubs and Organizations: I know this may sound obvious, but sometimes we tend to forget about our local GLBT resources, which exist in almost every major city in the US. In fact, there is actually a GLBT National Help Center, with over 15,000 resources to help you find the different community centers, social groups, gay newspapers, etc. in your area.

Religious/Spiritual Center:If your spiritual beliefs are an important part of your life, then it makes sense to try and meet other women through your church, temple or spiritual center. The Metropolitan Community Churches, Science of Mind Churches, United Church of Christ and Unitarian Churches, are known to be welcoming of gays and lesbians. You can find listings of gay-friendly churches through the GLBT National Help Center or

Lesbian Bar: In most cities you can find some sort of lesbian bar within a 60-mile radius. And being that lesbian bars tend to have lesbians in them, this can be another way to meet single woman. If your not into the “bar” scene, try going on an off night, and you may find the atmosphere a bit more laid back, which can make it a bit more conducive to actually having a conversation with someone.

Friends: our friends and acquaintances can be a great resource for meeting other single lesbians. Even if they are in a relationship, let them know that you are looking to meet new people. You never know who they might introduce you to, and you may find yourself among a whole new circle of people.

The Internet: Last, but not least, the Internet can be a great way to meet other lesbians. Online dating sites such as and, can offer you some anonymity while you search for your perfect date. And although there is often a charge associated with most online dating sites, it is usually worth it. These sites can give you access to a variety of women whom you might never have met otherwise. Other Internet resources for dating include social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster.

No matter what avenue you choose, and you may end up trying quite a few, just don’t give up. With a little effort, and a lot of patience, you will eventually find Ms right, or at least Ms right now.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

San Diego Republican Mayor Reverses his Position on Gay Marriage.

San Diego's Republican Mayor, Jerry Sanders, abruptly reversed his public opposition to same-sex marriage on Wednesday after revealing his daughter and close family friends were gay.

He also signed a City Council resolution supporting a legal fight to overturn California's prohibition on same-sex marriages, which he previously said he would veto.

Sanders, a former police chief, told reporters at the press conference that he could no longer back the position he had taken during his election campaign two years ago, which was that he favored civil unions and domestic parnership, but not marriage rights for homosexual couples.

I was so touched by this press conference, that I felt I needed to share it with everyone.

10 Tips for Creating a Lesbian Online Personal Ad

Creating an online personal ad doesn't have to be brain surgery, but it does require a little time and effort, if you want to get a response.

Here are a few tips to help you get through it:

  1. Find a Lesbian Online Dating site: For many of us this step may be the easiest part, but for those not so familiar with the internet, you may need a little help.

    There are actually quite a few lesbian dating sites on the internet, so you may want to take a look at a few of them before you decide where you want to place your personal ad. Some lesbians choose to list themselves on as many sites as possible, while others choose to stick to one or is really your choice.

    Some of the top lesbian dating sites are:® ,, and, those should get you started.

  2. Photos: Having at least 1 recent photo (preferably more) on your ad is essential to getting a response, especially since it is usually the first thing people see when browsing through an online personal website.

  3. Headline: Along with a photo, you will need to come up with an interesting or eye-catching headline. Go ahead and be creative, but try to avoid clichés, no matter how much you are lacking in inspiration. Sometimes the best headline can be a question, something that invokes a response or involves the reader just enough to want to read more about you.

  4. Be honest: Although it isn’t necessary to mention every one of your flaws, be honest when writing your personal ad. If you mention you are looking for someone who is honest, and then lie about your weight, education, profession, etc., your first dates aren't going to go very well.

  5. Focus on the positive: Write about the qualities you are looking for in a relationship or the characteristics you value in others. There is no need to mention all of the things you don't want, that can be a turn-off.

  6. Be Yourself: Try to write your ad as if you were having a regular conversation. If you can write the way you normally speak, others will get a better sense of your personality. Even a humorous personal story can give the reader more insight into your life.

  7. Be creative: Many people write about how much they like walks on the beach or cuddling on the couch. Try to get a little more unique, talk about something different. Maybe you speak a foreign language, or perhaps you have recently returned from a trip to Greece. These are things that will make you stand out from everyone else.

  8. Be Clear: Are you looking for a relationship or are you just looking to date? Do you want to meet someone with kids? Try to be specific about what you are looking for, it will help to eliminate potential disasters later.

  9. Check for Errors: Check your ad for spelling and grammatical mistakes. This may mean you will need to type out your ad in a word document first so that you can use the spell check.

  10. Update your ad: Keep your personal ad up-to-date. If you change your hairstyle, post a new photo. If your headline mentions snowboarding and it is June, think about changing that too. And if, by chance, you have met someone special, go ahead and take you ad off the site.

And one last bit of advice: Be Cautious!!! Be sure to keep a certain level of anonymity when you first meet someone on line. Never offer your personal information (phone number, address, or e-mail) to anyone right away. That way you have a layer of protection while getting to know each other, and it gives you time to judge whether you would be comfortable speaking on the phone or meeting in person.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Rally for Marriage Equality

Whether or not you are personally interested in getting married, the right to marry is not just about a legal recognized ceremony, but an equal right to the many legal protections given to couples that are married. Benefits for married couples range from tax relief to medical decision-making. AB 43, the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act that would grant same-sex couples the ability to marry in California.

For the second time in two years, the California Legislature has passed legislation that would grant same-sex couples the ability to marry. With a 22-15 vote, the Senate on September 7 approved AB 43, authored by Assembly member Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, and sponsored by Equality California. The governor is expected to have the bill on his desk as early as next week and must take action on it by October 14.

Help us send a message to Governor Schwarzenegger "to rise above right-wing ideology, as he has on many other issues, by signing this bill," as EQCA Executive Director Geoff Kors puts it. "The governor should keep up with the will of the people and show the kind of leadership that will define his place in history."

Local Community Actions
Tuesday, September 18

The following organizations are hosting community gatherings on Tuesday, September 18 urging the governor to sign AB 43.

  • Bakersfield (Kern County)
    Gather at 5 p.m. at the Liberty Bell at corner of Truxtun and Chester. Contact Whitney at or 661.204.3180.

  • Fresno
    Meet at 5:30 p.m. at the corner of Blackstone and Shaw Ave. Contact Jason at or 559.862.4559.

  • Humboldt
    Meet at 5:30 p.m. at the Humboldt County Courthouse at 825 5th Street, Eureka. Contact Justin Pabalate at or 707.845.7080.

  • Lakeport
    Gather at 6 p.m. at the corner of Main St and Third. Contact Laurie at or 707.367.1557.

  • Los Angeles
    Gather at 7 p.m. at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s McDonald/Wright Building at 1625 N. Schrader Boulevard for a march to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s star on Hollywood Blvd. Contact Jim Key at or 323.993.7623.

  • Marin
    Gather at the corner of Third and Irwin Streets from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Contact Dolores at or 415.456.9010.

  • Modesto
    Gather at the corner of 10th & J Streets from 5:30 to 7 p.m. Contact Beth at or 209.576.5207.

  • Oakland
    Gather at 5:30 p.m. at 14th and Broadway, by the BART station. Contact Kristen Montan at or 510.333.8241.

  • Sacramento (And Yolo County)
    Meet at the West Steps of the State Capitol at 11th and L Streets from 5:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. Public parking garage is located at 10th Street, off L Street. Contact Christine Allen at 916.455.4256 or Lysa Twardosz at

  • San Diego (2 Events)
    City Council Meeting: Tuesday, September 18, 2 p.m.
    12th Floor Council Chambers, 202 C Street, downtown

    Community Rally: Tuesday, Sept. 18, 6 p.m.
    San Diego State University
    Gather at 6 p.m. at Montezuma Road and College Ave. Contact Matt Palm at or 858.472.5439.

  • San Francisco Bay Area
    Meet at 5:30 p.m. at the LGBT Center (corner of Market and Octavia) for a press conference with Assemblymember Mark Leno then march to Harvey Milk Plaza (corner of Castro and Market). Contact Pam at or 510.384.3655.

  • Silicon Valley
    Gather at 6 p.m. at the Billy DeFrank LGBT Center. Contact Aejaie at or 408.293.3040 x103.

  • San Luis Obispo
    Gather at 5 p.m. at the front of the new San Luis Obispo Government Building at 1055 Monterey. Contact David at or 805.440.6487.

  • Santa Rosa
    Gather at 5:30 p.m. on the steps of City Hall at the corner of 2nd and Mendocino. Contact Chari at or 707.579.1922.

  • Stockton
    Gather at 5:30 p.m. at the San Joaquin Pride Center at 4410 North Pershing Ave., Suite C-22. Contact Martina at or 209.518.9102.

  • Ukiah
    Gather at 5:30 p.m. in front of the Courthouse at Perkins and State Streets. Contact Jody at or 707.489.6082.

Take Action
Call or fax the governor's office today and urge him to vote for AB 43.
Tel: 916.445.2841
Fax: 916.445.4633

Sign EQCA’s online marriage petition at

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Itty Bitty Titty Committee

Ever since I heard whispers about the movie "Itty Bitty Titty Committee," I have been dying to get all the details and hear the reviews.

The basic premise of this film is that Anna, a shy, lesbian, high school grad, finds her purpose and herself after she hooks up with a radical feminist group.

The film is Directed by Jamie Babbit (But I'm a Cheerleader) and Produced by Andrea Sperling (D.E.B.S.). The actors include: Melonie Diaz (A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints), Nicole Vicius (Half Nelson, Last Days), Carly Pope (Popular, Dirt), Daniela Sea (The L word, Shortbus), Melanie Mayron (thirtysomething), Jimmi Simpson (D.E.B.S.), Leslie Grossman (Popular, Running with Scissors), Jenny Shimizu, and Guinevere Turner (The L Word, Go Fish).

The film has already won the 2007 SXSW Competition Award for Best Feature Film, Jamie Babbit and Best Film, Jamie Babbit.

If you are as interested as I was in reading the reviews, here are some links:

After Ellen Reviews, by Danielle Riendeau, Contributing Writer

Film Threat Reviews, by Mark Bell

Queer Film Reviews

Opens in Theatres:
September 28th - Limited Engagement
Laemmle's Sunset 5
8000 Sunset Blvd. West Hollywood

Lesbian Moms in the Dating World

Lesbian moms face the same predicament all single parents do: How do you balance having a love life and still giving your kids the time and attention they need. Of course your children should come first in your life, but dating is something you get to do for yourself, so don’t feel guilty.

Here are some tips that may help:

  • Don’t introduce your children to someone you’re dating until you are sure the relationship is going somewhere. Having your children meet every dinner date may confuse them, and they may come to resent you dating anyone.

  • Once you decide to introduce your girlfriend to your children, start by introducing her as a friend. You can then gradually let you children know that she is becoming a more important person in your life.

  • Make a point of spending “alone time” with your children. Maintaining your private time with your children will help them to realize that your girlfriend is not a threat to their relationship with you.

  • Your child does not need to know all the details of your dating life. Although it may be tempting to talk to your children about what is going on in your romance, especially if they are older, confiding, complaining, or even asking for advice may make them feel responsible, and it is an unfair to burden to your children.

  • Don’t expect your children to love your new partner right away, it may take time for them to get used to the idea of sharing you with someone new.

If you have any additional tips or information, please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Long Distance Relationships...Can They Really Work?

So I have been doing a bit of research on the subject of long distance relationships. I found a ton of articles, hundreds of blogs, thousands of forums, and more books than you can shake a stick at (never did understand that analogy), all dedicated to the subject of LDRs. However, if I was to sum up all that I read, what it all boils down to is that long distance relationships are difficult and that the majority of couples breakup. Does this mean it is impossible? Well, no, nothing is impossible. I guess the question is. "Are you ready to be committed to making a long-distance relationship work." If your answer is "yes," then what are you willing to do to make it work?

Here are a few tips and ideas that may help you out if you find yourself in a long distance relationship.

The first thing you and your partner need to do is establish some guidelines, such as: Are you going to be monogamous? How often will you talk or email? How often are you willing to seeing each other in person?

Like in any relationship, good communication is the key to success, so make an effort to talk or email each other everyday. And since it is hard to actually "see" what each other is feeling when talking on the phone or internet, make an extra effort to be more expressive with your feeling. When you can't see each other for long periods of time, providing reassurance of your commitment to the relationship can be very important.

Get a little creative and send a special package to your partner once in a while. Send flowers, bake cookies, make a CD or a scrapbook... just a little something to let them know you are thinking of them.

Make plans ahead of time to see each other, and don't leave one visit without having another one already planned. Also, it is important that you both share in the effort and cost of traveling, especially if only one of you is doing all the driving/flying.

If your ultimate goal is to live together, then talk to your partner about a realistic way to set those plans in motion. Whether it is going to be 6 months or a year, make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

Okay, it is true, having a long distance relationship is going to be difficult. However, if both people involved are willing to work together, trust each other, keep the communication going, and be open to the possibilities, than you just may be able to make your long distance relationship work.

If you have had some success with a LDR, I would love to hear from you...most of the stories I have received from friend have not been too successful.

Monday, September 10, 2007

How to Meet the Right Woman

I found this article about how to meet the right woman and thought I would share it with you all.

Lesbian Dating Tips - How to Meet the Right Woman
By Linda Stolling

Despite the stereotype that lesbians move in together by the second date, lesbians date just as heterosexual people do. If you are newly out of the closet, be forewarned that being gay does not make the process of dating any easier. While some people are lucky enough to meet Ms. Right right away, for most people meeting someone compatible takes a lot of time and effort. It takes a lot of bad dates to get to the good ones, and it takes a lot of dating to get to a satisfying relationship. However, there are a few things you can do to make the search for your dream woman easier.

1. Look for women in places that would attract the type of woman you want to meet. It may sound like common sense, but if you do not enjoy drinking or dancing, you probably will not meet a compatible mate in a nightclub or bar. If you are shy about meeting people, or there is not a large lesbian community in your area, you might want to join a club or take a class in something that interests you, preferably one geared toward women.

2. If your city has a gay/lesbian community center, get involved. GLBT community centers usually offer various classes and activities. Pick one or a few that interest you and join in. By already knowing most of the women you will meet there are gay, you will take some of the frustration and guess-work out of trying to meet someone. Plus, if you do meet someone through a class or activity there, you will already have something in common with her to talk about and do together.

3. Get involved in online lesbian communities. The Internet is full of lesbian forums, message boards, discussion groups and blogs. Some are location-specific while others are of a more global nature. Although it is preferable to find an online group that serves your city or nearby towns, many global groups might have members from your area.

4. Join an online dating service, but before you do, make sure the dating site has local lesbian members. Many online dating sites serve the lesbian community but will not have many current members who live near you. Always browse around first to make sure the site has local active members who interest you before you commit to paying a fee for any online dating service.

5. Be open to blind dating. Although the very concept of blind dating is a turn-off to many people, keeping your options open might just allow you to meet your ideal partner. If a friend offers to set you up with someone, at least consider it before you say no. Ask a few questions about the woman, and if she sounds compatible, give it a try. If you are uncomfortable at the thought of sitting through a long date with someone you might not click with, meet for coffee. If the two of you connect, you can always make a dinner date for another night.

6. Befriend other lesbians. Making friends with other lesbians, including lesbian couples, can be one of the best ways to better your chances of meeting someone. By broadening your social network to include other lesbians who have common interests, you will be connecting with people who like to do the things you do and maybe even share the same goals and views you do. A new friend might have a friend who would like to meet you. Or, you just may turn a new friendship into a budding relationship.

Try not to get discouraged. If it were easy to meet the perfect person, there would not be so many single people eager to enroll in online dating services. Gay or straight, finding that one person you want to commit to a relationship with takes time and patience. Stay committed to the search, and remember all you have to offer. Ms. Right might be just around the corner, or she might live in the next town, but you will never find her if you give up.

Linda Stolling is a contributing writer for

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Lesbian Online Dating Rules

With the increased popularity of online dating there has arisen a need for a new set of dating rules. Through a bit of research, some experience and quite a few mistakes of my own, I have come up with some lesbian online dating rules.

Step 1: Honesty, Honesty, Honesty - Starting with your own profile, all the way down to your photos, just be honest. Any little exaggerations (including taking 20 lbs off your actual weight or using a 15 year old) will all be found out eventually, should you decide to one day meet your date in person.

Step 2: Read her profile - I realize that while browsing through the vast expanse of profiles on various dating sites that you may come upon someone who appears to be “the woman of your dream," well, visually anyhow. And although you may find her breathtaking, here is a little tip… read her profile!!! If nothing more than to make sure you have enough in common to actually start a conversation. She will appreciate your attention to detail, and you will thank yourself if by chance this so-called "woman of your dreams,” makes mention in her profile of her need to stay in the state due to her last felony conviction. (Hey, anything is possible)

Step 3: Send more than just a wink - If you have taken the time to read someone’s profile, and you feel you have enough in common to start a conversation, then do just that...start a conversation. Now there is no need to send her your entire life story in the first email. Start out with a paragraph or 2 and maybe throw in a few things you read in her profile that you have in common.

Step 4: Take a little time, but not too much - I understand that sometimes lesbians (this includes myself) want to jump into all the "good" stuff when we meet someone new. However, when meeting online it is usually best to take a little time and get to know the person a bit. Try exchanging numbers and talking on the phone before actually meeting in person. Now on the other hand, don't wait months and months before you meet either or you may end up with high expectation only to find you spent 2 months chatting with someone you have absolutely no chemistry with.

Step 5: Safety First - I know that this may sound trite, and it is something you have heard before, but ladies please, when you go to meet someone for the first time, pick a public place and let someone know where you will be. It is important, and even if you think your safe, you never know whom you have actually been talking to, so better to err on the cautious side.

Step 6: Don't Give up - I realize the whole "online dating" experience can get a bit overwhelming and even a little depressing at times, but don't give up. If the first person you email doesn't respond, try someone else. Yes, it is possible that some women may not be interested in you, but it is also possible that the recipient isn't a paying member of that site, or the email went to spam, or a million other things. So don't take it personally, take another try, and eventually, you will meet someone, the odds truly are in your favor.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Lesbian Online Dating Site List

Here is a list of different dating sites that are either lesbian only or include a lesbian search. This list is a work in progress, so if you notice any missing sites, please let me know. Also, I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, opinions, or anything else you would like to share about any of these dating sites.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Why A Lesbian Dating Blog?

So I am sure your asking yourself, "who is this women and why is she starting a blog for lesbian dating? What does she know that I don't? What kind of advice can this person give me?" and so on... Well, here is the deal, I am not a therapist, nor claim to be any expert about love or dating. What I can do is share my own experiences, as well as experiences of my friends and colleagues, in hopes that my own pitfalls, mistakes, successes and revelations may help you to make better decisions for yourself...if that is what you seek.


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