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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Long Distance Relationships...Can They Really Work?

So I have been doing a bit of research on the subject of long distance relationships. I found a ton of articles, hundreds of blogs, thousands of forums, and more books than you can shake a stick at (never did understand that analogy), all dedicated to the subject of LDRs. However, if I was to sum up all that I read, what it all boils down to is that long distance relationships are difficult and that the majority of couples breakup. Does this mean it is impossible? Well, no, nothing is impossible. I guess the question is. "Are you ready to be committed to making a long-distance relationship work." If your answer is "yes," then what are you willing to do to make it work?

Here are a few tips and ideas that may help you out if you find yourself in a long distance relationship.

The first thing you and your partner need to do is establish some guidelines, such as: Are you going to be monogamous? How often will you talk or email? How often are you willing to seeing each other in person?

Like in any relationship, good communication is the key to success, so make an effort to talk or email each other everyday. And since it is hard to actually "see" what each other is feeling when talking on the phone or internet, make an extra effort to be more expressive with your feeling. When you can't see each other for long periods of time, providing reassurance of your commitment to the relationship can be very important.

Get a little creative and send a special package to your partner once in a while. Send flowers, bake cookies, make a CD or a scrapbook... just a little something to let them know you are thinking of them.

Make plans ahead of time to see each other, and don't leave one visit without having another one already planned. Also, it is important that you both share in the effort and cost of traveling, especially if only one of you is doing all the driving/flying.

If your ultimate goal is to live together, then talk to your partner about a realistic way to set those plans in motion. Whether it is going to be 6 months or a year, make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

Okay, it is true, having a long distance relationship is going to be difficult. However, if both people involved are willing to work together, trust each other, keep the communication going, and be open to the possibilities, than you just may be able to make your long distance relationship work.

If you have had some success with a LDR, I would love to hear from you...most of the stories I have received from friend have not been too successful.


Nadene said...

Hi, I'm in a lesbian long distance relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for approximately 5 yrs now and most of it has been spent away from each other. We're both from the Caribbean, however I spent my college bound years in the US and she opted for studies in our home country. That arrangement lasted for 3 yrs. I returned home and we spent a year together.

Now she is in another country studying, so we're back to square one almost. It doesn't get easier I suppose. Every time I leave her I feel the same loneliness I have been feeling for the past 4 years but I've never regretted it and I made the choice to be with her because she's the girl I've always wanted and I'm committed to making our relationship work.

It is taxing, emotionally and physically, but we're both looking forward to the day when we can be completely together. Hopefully within the next couple of years.

girl2grl said...

Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you and your partner have been through a lot...but as long as you both are willing to make the sacrifices it takes to keep your long distance relationship working, I think you will both be fine.

Good Luck!


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