Recently, Dr. Esther Rothblum published a study on butch/femme in The British Psychological Society's Psychology of Sexualities Review. The study and published article was named, "The complexity of Butch and Femme among sexual minority women in the 21st century." It was based on lesbian and bisexual women in their 20s to 60s, in rural and urban settings across the US, from diverse ethnic and racial groups. The sample was about equally divided into those who identified as butch, those who identified as femme, and those who did not identify specifically as either. The project focused on these women's understanding of butch/femme, and whether they found the terms butch or femme to be useful or representative.
Dr. Esther D. Rothblum is a Professor of Women’s Studies at San Diego State University and editor of the Journal of Lesbian Studies. Her research and writing have focused on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships and mental health, and she has edited over 20 books.
Click here to read the full published study.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Recently Published Butch Femme Study
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
FEMME2010: No Restrictions - Call for Submissions
The Femme Collective is proud to announce Femme2010: NO RESTRICTIONS, a multi-threaded conference and forum for those who think about, talk about, and create Femme as a queer gender and identity.
Building off of Femme2006 and Femme2008, Femme2010: No Restrictions (August 20-22, 2010 in Oakland, CA) continues to explore, discuss, dissect, and support Queer Femmes.
The weekend will include workshops, panels, presentations, performances, film, and art. They invite people of all genders who are interested in a deeper understanding of Femme, as well as all self-identified Femmes who want to learn, teach, connect, and build community geared towards social change.
Femme2010: No Restrictions
Oakland Marriott City Center
1001 Broadway
Oakland, California 94607
August 19th - 22nd, 2010
www.femmecollective.com
Call for Submissions
Following the Femme2006 & 2008 conferences in San Francisco & Chicago, where hundreds of femmes and allies gathered for workshops, panels, films, visual art galleries and performances, The Femme Collective again invites community members, artists, academics, homemakers, geeks, techies, activists, femmes of all kinds, and their allies to continue the conversation by participating in Femme 2010 as presenters and participants.
They are invested in having Femme2010 continue to reflect the diversity and complexity of femme gender, identity and contributions. They hope for this conference to be a community building event, as well as an exploration and celebration of what it means to build and live queer femme identities.
Submissions of all kinds are welcome, particularly submissions by femmes. They encourage proposals by and for people of color, working-class people, fat folks, elders, youth and people with disabilities. They encourage submissions that work outside and alongside identity and gender, as well as those reflecting directly upon identity and gender. Femme2010 will continue the community dialogue from Femme2006 & 08. In particular, they hope that the intersections of femme with race, region, class, access, ability, privilege, and marginalization will be talked about, given space, meditated upon, constructed, and deconstructed. Finally, they also encouraging submissions based on this year's theme: No Restrictions.
They hope to draw participants from across disciplinary, medium, and social boundaries. And encourage submissions from anyone interested, regardless of gender or sexual identity. They do ask that you read their mission statement before submitting.
They are soliciting contributions from anyone interested, including (but not limited to):
- workshops
- panel presentations
- performances
- research presentations
- skill shares
- activist & organizational topics
- visual art
- video or film
Submission deadline is April 15, 2010
Please submit your proposal through the following links, located at www.femmecollective.com:
Program Submission click here
Performance Submission click here
Film Submission click here
**Please note that the more information we have on your submission, the more likely we will be able to accept your submission and include it in the conference schedule.
To learn more about us, our mission and to contact us with any questions, comments or concerns, please find us at our website: www.femmecollective.com
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monogamy: Is She My One and Only? Secrets to Compatibility in Lesbian Relationships
By Susan Adams, Founder of Lavender Liaisons
After decades of matchmaking experience, and years of living and loving within Our Community, I have found the secrets to successful, functional, monogamous lesbian relationships.
Begin by stating your honest relationship intentions. If you truly crave a monogamous relationship, then say so, and let your actions reflect your desires. It's duplicitous and hurtful to say you want monogamy and then date a different woman nightly, or spend your weekends in a singles bar. If you desire diversity in dating, state that as well. Be honest about your intentions regarding yourself and your partner.
Resist the sex dance until further exploration! Discover each other slowly and determine your compatibility, before getting swept away by sensuality. The more cautious your approach, the better your chances of a successful, long-term, monogamous relationship.
Develop exceptional communication and negotiation skills. A relationship is all about enjoyable compromise. Learn to ask for what you want! As women, so many of us get stuck 'giving and hoping' and don't relax and receive love. Others become self-consumed and believe that as long as their needs are being met, then all is fine with their partners—which is not typically the case. Learn to ask the right questions to determine that your partner is getting her needs met too. Compromise and communicate.
Outline your deal breakers from the beginning and discuss them. The most common are: drug or alcohol abuse, infidelity, jealousy, trust issues, and controlling behavior which is also a by-product of trust issues. Determine your own list of deal breakers. What do you absolutely need in a relationship and what will you not tolerate? Make your list, discuss it and stick to it.
Let go of your painful past. Don't carry your war wounds into your new relationship. We all have baggage, everyone does, if you say you don't, then you haven't lived. Dragging yesterday's pain into today's relationship could be toxic. Give your new relationship a chance! Don't sabotage it before it blossoms.
Overcome jealousy and insecurity. Jealousy is a by-product of insecurity. Some of us are more secure than others. If your new partner is insecure then take the time to discuss this and reassure her. Jealousy will poison any healthy relationship. It tells your partner "You don't trust me." How can you build a relationship without mutual trust?
Another important factor in lesbian compatibility is type alignment. How do you define yourself? Are you a hardcore butch or butch-lite? Lipstick femme, sporty femme or androgynous? Or do you prefer not to be typed? Discover who you are, and who attracts you, and then align yourself with your compatible counterpart. Have that honest conversation at the beginning of the relationship and save months of struggle and ultimate heartache by trying to align incompatibilities.
With many lesbians, the initial approach is the most difficult. How do you approach someone attractive and risk rejection? Some of you are shy. For others, it's too uncomfortable—the fear of rejection is daunting and you don't try. Or you keep choosing the same type of woman—the type that is not healthy for the long term.
Once you are provided with an exciting introduction, or muster up the courage to introduce yourself, make the most of it!
Now that you know the secrets, utilize them! Ensure compatibility, state your honest intentions, resist the initial sex dance, communicate and compromise, don't tolerate jealousy, alcoholism or drug abuse. Leave your painful past behind, discover yourself and align with your most compatible companion. Then embrace her, enjoy her, love her and she'll adore and love you!
About the Author
Susan Adams, founder and CEO of Lavender Liaisons has 20 years of matchmaking experience. Having successfully arranged a host of marriages and hundreds of relationships, Susan's experience and personalized approach has made Lavender Liaisons the most flourishing lesbian matchmaking company in the San Francisco Bay Area.
She created it with the vision, and the goal, to reinvent the common practice of matchmaking, and cater it to the lesbian community. Her service is dedicated to women of courage, caliber, and commitment. Lavender Liaisons is a customized personalized service whose mission is to provide lesbians with a safe place to share their stories, be understood, celebrate each other and fall in love. www.lavenderliaisons.com
Sunday, October 21, 2007
A bit of Lesbian Terminology
I was reading some lesbian articles over the weekend and came across some interesting lesbian terminology. I was so entertained by some of these words and definitions that I started to do a bit more research on the subject. I was amazed to find how many different lesbian terms/slang that I had never heard of before.
Anyway, I thought it might be fun to put together a list of various lesbian terms and definitions for my blog, you never know, you might just learn something new. Oh, and if I missed any, which is very likely, then send me an email and I will add them to my list.
Lesbian Terminology
Androgynous
A lesbian who is neither masculine nor feminine in appearance or behavior. Universally known as Unisex.
Baby Dyke
A young butch or soft butchunder the age of 25.
Blue Jean Femme
A Blue Jean Femme is a lesbian who identifies as femme but prefers jeans and more casual clothing to dresses and skirts.
Boston Marriage
Old fashioned term describing two unmarried women who shared a house together. Origins: This originates from the nineteenth century when it was acceptable for two unmarried women to share a house together. As to how many of these women were lesbians is unknown.
Bulldyke
Incredibly masculine lesbian.
Origins: This supports the theory that dyke originates from the Celtic language as Queen Boudicca was around at the time and she was known for being an incredibly powerful woman.
Butch
Used to describe a lesbian who is masculine in appearance and outlook. Often relates to the way she dresses, the hairstyle, the shoes she wears etc.
Origins: Some say it comes from 1930's America from Butch, a strong and popular man's name of that time. Others believe it stems from the 1950's when both in the UK and USA working class lesbian couples dressed as one masculine and one feminine, whilst the middle class preferred to hide behind their feminine demeanor.
Chapstick Lesbian Another term for androgynous or Sporty Lesbian.
Origins: Introduced in the late 1990's to take on all those lipstick lesbians out there!
Dieseldyke
Once again this term means incredibly masculine lesbian, particularly those that drive heavy equipment and trucks.
Dyke
Another term for butch. Originally used as disparaging term for a lesbian.
Origins: This may have originated from the Celtic language, or possibly from the slang word dike used in the nineteenth century, which means male clothing. This term is widely accepted in lesbian circles but if a straight person were to call you a dyke this is thought to be offensive!
Dykon
A lesbian icon, such as kd lang, Melissa Etheridge, or Ellen Degeneres
Earthy-crunchy dyke/Granola Lesbian
A lesbian who is usually vegetarian and usually either New Age or Neopagan and has a She is often considered an earth-mother type and tends to wear Birkenstocks.
Femme
A lesbian who dresses in a feminine nature and has a feminine manner. Femmes are said to prefer skirts, flouncy clothes, makeup, and spending inconceivable amounts on their hair. (Not always true). They are the opposites of butch.
Origins: This originates from the same time as when the term butch became popular in the 1950's where lesbians were forced to choose which way they would dress in bars, or the working class lesbian couples chose to dress that way.
Gaysia
A gay Asian female.
Glamour butch
A butch who likes to wear fancy suits, tuxedos, etc, frequently.
Gold-star lesbian
A lesbian who never has and never intends to have sex with a man. Sometimes they also get points for never sleeping with bisexuals.
Grrl
A lesbian who's too old to be a baby dyke, but still fairly young and is usually a soft butch.
Gynaeotrope
Another term for Lesbian. The term was suggested in 1946 by Kurt Hiller because of what he considered to negative connotations of "lesbian" (or "homosexual") but the term never caught on.
High Femme
A lesbian who expresses the cultural norm for ultra-femininity - makeup, dresses, heels, hair, nails. May not identify as a lesbian if her desires are exclusively for Stone Butches and FtM's.
Lesbian Bed Death
This is a term invented by sex researcher Pepper Schwartz to describe the supposedly inevitable diminishment of sexual passion in long term lesbian relationships. The term is sometimes used to refer to diminished sexual activity in any long term relationship.
Lipstick Lesbian
Another term for femme. However it can also mean feminine women who are attracted to other feminine women.
Origins: This is a slang term introduced in the late 1990's.
Low femme
A femme lesbian who is, perhaps, not quite so stereotypically feminine as a high femme, usually preferring jeans and a blouse or t-shirt to skirts for everyday. Also known as a Blue Jean Femme.
LP
Lesbian Potential, used when playing spot-the-queers in public places, as in "she's got high LP"
ManDyke
A masculine woman of any orientation. Another definition is a woman who takes a male cultural role while not necessarily passing as male.
Mama Bear
A female police officer or security guard.
Pan Sexual
One who exhibits or suggests a sexuality that has many different forms, objects, and outlets. One who exhibits many forms of sexual expression.
Pillow Princess
A lesbian who is unwilling or uninterested in reciprocating sex.
Poppa
Any lesbian under the age of consent.
Queer
Queer was originally a derogatory term used to taunt and mock anyone who was not heterosexual or who did not conform to or uphold society's gender expectations. Now queer has been reclaimed by much of the LGBTQ community as an umbrella term referring to sexual orientations and identities (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning) that fall outside of the mainstream. It can also express a conscious desire to challenge the societal norm.
Sapphism
Another term for lesbianism
Origins: Direct origination from the poet Sappho who wrote love sonnets to and about women.
Saturday Night Butch
A term from the 1950s and 60s, when butch/femme was the norm in lesbian bars, this means that a person was not a real butch, but only dressed up as a butch on the weekends.
Serial Monogamy
This is the way some lesbians choose to aviod the possibility of Lesbian Bed Death. Short but exclusive relationships, generally very passionate and intense. Sometimes seen by others as merely a way of avoiding intimacy.
Soft Butch
A soft butch is a lesbian whose appearance is usually more androgynous. She may dress and act in a masculine manner, but be soft and more feminine on the inside. Also, a soft butch can be someone who falls somewhere between butch and femme, but closer to the butch side.
Sport Dyke
A sport dyke is a lesbian, who more than anything, identifies with being an athlete. She may also dress in a manner that would give the impression she is an athlete, like baseball caps, sweatshirts and jeans.
Stone Butch
Most masculine of the Butches. They may pass as male without actually trying. May identify as transgender, that is identifying outside of the gender usually associated with females and will often be seen as male by the outside world. Does all or most of the above in masculine gender expressions. May or may not be sexually aggressive. Will not be made love to as one would a "woman". Will derive sexual pleasure from pleasing partner and will not allow "womanly" genital touching or penetration. Usually will have questioned their gender at some time in their lives. Will not be comfortable with their female body. May think of Butch as a separate gender from man & woman.
Stone femme
A femme lesbian who never tries to flip or "melt" her Stone Butch. lover, but prefers to pleasure her lover by taking a passive role in sex. A second definition is a femme lesbian who does not like to be touched, much like a stone butch.
Strum Queen
Lesbian that likes masturbating in front of other lesbians.
Switch
one who is both a top and a bottom in the leather sense, and switches back and forth or one who is butch sometimes and femme sometimes, and andro sometimes.
Tomcat
An aggressive woman.
Tit King
A lesbian attracted to women with large breasts.
Transgender
A person who walks through life as another gender not associated with their birth sex; crosses cultural gender boundaries. May identify as a "female man" or "TransMan". Will be recognized at least part of the time by others as men.
Transsexual(FtM or TransMan)
A female born person who takes testosterone and/or has surgery to create a male looking physical body. May simply identify as a straight, gay or bisexual man depending on his desires or may feel his identity is simply "transman or FtM. Many live in "stealth mode" - that is, they live as men and not part of the queer community
Tween
One who is in between butch and femme, and can take on either role; a switch
Vagina Wig
(Yes, this term is from the L-Word Series) A vagina wig, also known as a merkin, (hence the Stacy Merkin reference) is exactly as the name implies, a wig worn over the pubic area. According to Wikipedia, merkins were worn by prostitutes beginning in the 1600s after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or to disguise the marks of syphilis.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Lesbian Online Dating Site List
Here is a list of different dating sites that are either lesbian only or include a lesbian search. This list is a work in progress, so if you notice any missing sites, please let me know. Also, I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, opinions, or anything else you would like to share about any of these dating sites.
