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Friday, February 18, 2011

Introducing Sex Toys Into Your Relationship

By Tim Millett, Guest Blogger

Fun is fun, and scary is scary. In any relationship, there are thresholds that need to be respected. Adult toys can be scary to those not used to them, and if you’re looking for a great way to trash a relationship in seconds, scaring someone is definitely the way to go. It can be an absolute disaster, and any ideas need to be carefully considered before getting into this zone.

The risk factors
Most people have some level of “no go” areas, often linked to serious emotional issues. Traumatic experiences can go back a long way, and a person having a history of difficult or even dangerous relationships is always hyper sensitive, with good reason.

These situations should be considered to be like serious injuries. Even if the wounds have healed, stress leaves scars, and nobody appreciates those scars being reopened. Sexual stress is sometimes severe, and practically reflexive in many people. It’s automatic, and can be very like “fight or flight” responses in crises, similar to shock.

Some subjects can be a case of pushing far too many wrong buttons all at the same time, and if you’re in the early stages of any sort of relationship, it’s usually fatal. Even with an established relationship, exploration of some subjects can be risky. One of the worst possible mistakes in any relationship, on any subject, is not to sound out the issues in advance. If it’s anything to do with sex, expect trouble if you don’t.

Developing relationships do just that- They evolve, and levels of intimacy expand the relationship naturally. This process is reliable, honest, and can be a lot of fun. Anything which doesn’t fit those criteria, forget it.

Talk saves tears
The best way to approach any subject where you’re not sure of your ground is indirectly. You can safely talk about any subject provided the conversation doesn’t get into “This means you” mode. Even this way of doing things can trigger reactions in sensitive people, so be prepared for some fireworks, if you hit a nerve.

Even a comparatively simple, innocuous subject like a vibrator can be an issue for some people, if you’re talking about sex. If so, think about how difficult it would be to turn a vibrator into an emotional or traumatic issue. You can assume something which would have voided the warranty was involved, and that, let’s face it, is a pretty good reason for getting hypersensitive.

More complex issues have an escalating level of difficulty. Don’t assume anything is naturally OK, until you check it out.

Most important:
Do not underestimate the degree of difficulty for your partner. If you’re not sure how to approach the subject, leave it alone. Nothing good can come of a flat-footed approach to something which puts someone into major reaction mode.

Stay focused on the relationship, stay focused on getting your facts straight when it comes to feelings about sex, and you’ll have a great relationship. Sex is a key component of relationships, and if you wreck it, you wreck the relationship as well. Stick to fun, and life is good.

Author Bio: Tim is an Australian freelance writer and journalist. He writes extensively in Australia, Canada, Europe, and the US. He’s published more than 500 articles about various topics, including adult toys and vibrator.


Jess said...

For reasons i won't got into here, my gf will have nothing to do with dildoes. I really enjoy them. Anyone have any ideas on how i can change her mind. I have asked about it in the past, but didn't push it.

Sinnerviewer said...

I am not into vibes or dildos but my girl loves them. I think its totally fine to just go with what each of you like. I think your instinct to not push it is the right instinct...

Molly Cavalli said...

Jess, if your gf really isn't into dildoes for my personal reasons I would back off and not try to change her mind but respect her decisions. It doesn't seem respectful to want to change her mind if it's something she doesn't want to do...

Jess said...

Molly, please don't get me wrong...i haven't pushed her! but i understand what you mean, if i love her i should take her as she is!! :)


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