By Ruth Schwartz, Ph.d., Conscious Girlfriend
If you’re a queer woman or lesbian who is dating in the hope of creating a happy, healthy, truly intimate lasting relationship, and you meet a woman with one of these red flags, proceed with caution and find out more. If she’s got two or more of these red flags, proceed at your peril. If she’s got three or more, run the other way!
- She and her last love broke up within the past six months – or she’s vague about exactly when they broke up.
- She spends a good part of your date talking about her last love. (Exception: if she’s speaking thoughtfully about her own mistakes and telling you what she learned, she gets a gold star instead of a red flag!)
- She trashes her last love and presents herself as a victim. (Remember, what she says about her ex is what she may be saying about you someday soon…)
- She hasn’t been in a relationship in many years. (Find out why.)
- She’s never had a long-term relationship. (Exception: if she’s under 25. But if someone over 25 has never had a relationship last longer than a few months, there’s probably a reason.)
- She doesn’t have any friends. (Find out why.)
- She spends a lot of time complaining… about anything or anyone. (Not a good sign.)
- She spends most of the time talking, rather than listening to you. (Also not a good sign.)
- She says something mean to or about you, or to or about anyone else. (There’s really no excuse for meanness, and it is definitely not a good sign.)
- She drinks or drugs daily or to excess. (Regular use of alcohol and drugs forestalls real intimacy – no ifs, ands or buts about it.)
Of course, you need to look honestly at yourself too. If you are a woman with two or more of these red flags, be kind to yourself – and to other women – by taking the time to heal and grow more whole before beginning to date.
None of these red flags are permanent conditions. All can be changed. But truly loving, intimate relationships are only likely between two relatively happy, whole, healed women. So, become one before you date – and then look for another. We can help you with this process – just click here!
Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D., has been a writer, healer and teacher for over three decades. She has a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology and is also a Board-certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with extensive training in Focusing, shamanism and energy medicine. She’s had a private healing practice since 2003, and is the author of seven books, including Soul on Earth: A Guide to Living & Loving Your Human Life. Ruth has taught at six colleges and universities, and is currently on faculty in the Ashland University low-residency graduate creative writing program.