Yes We Can!

By Mike Robbins, author, speaker and coach

These three words, “yes we can,” became the mantra for Barack Obama's successful presidential campaign. Whether you voted for, support, or agree with President Obama or not, these three words are powerful and important for each of us in our lives, especially in the face of the challenges that many of us are facing these days.

When we believe in ourselves in an authentic way, we know that we can do whatever it is we desire and that no matter what our current circumstance may be, we always have the power within us to overcome, accomplish, or manifest anything. As Henry Ford famously stated, “Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.”

Being optimistic is and always will be a personal choice. And, it’s not always the easiest choice to make. Some of us are more predisposed to be negative, while others of us are more predisposed to be positive – based on a variety of factors (personality, beliefs, family background, environment, focus, and much more). However, all of us can practice and enhance our ability to be optimistic in our daily lives. It’s both a choice and a skill.

Being hopeful and positive doesn't mean we avoid the challenges of our lives or pretend that there aren’t problems around us, it's that we choose to focus on the good stuff, find what's working, and trust that things will work out. This does take a certain amount of faith and it challenges us to let go of our need to control, explain, and understand everything at all times.

Here are a few simple things you can do to enhance your own ability to be optimistic in life:

1) Tell the truth – Admit to yourself and to others your own fear, worry, and negativity. While we don't want to complain or dwell on things in a detrimental way, so often we deny or avoid our true negativity or pessimism, which keeps it stuck. When we admit it and own it, we have a chance to move through it and to let it go consciously.

2) Practice looking for the good stuff – This is an art and a skill that we can practice all the time. It can be challenging to find the good stuff in the midst of adversity, but that is the most important time to do it and the most valuable way to practice being optimistic. The more you do it the easier it gets. This is all about us giving up our desire, need, and right to be a victim in life!

3) Surround yourself with authentically optimistic people – Choose to be around people who are genuinely positive and hopeful. This doesn't mean that they're happy all the time or always super upbeat (although they often will be, most likely). Seek out people who choose to appreciate life and to focus on what's working. Doing this will not only be more fun and empowering for you, but it will also support you in your desire to be more optimistic in your own life.

Optimism is essential to our happiness, fulfillment, and our ability to overcome and persevere in life. It takes courage, boldness, and trust – things that as we all know are important, but not always easy in life. As you look at your own work, relationships, and life in general, where can you say “Yes I can?” and allow that statement to empower you in an optimistic way? The more we say “yes” to ourselves and to life, the more life and others say “yes” back to us.

I say to you, me, and everyone around us – YES WE CAN!

Tell Them The Truth

A few months ago I heard Mike Robbins speak at an event I attended. I was extremely moved by his ability to convey passion, appreciation and gratitude through his presentation. Mike is a personal development coach, as well as the author of Focus on the Good Stuff: The power of Appreciation. Mike travels around the country empowering others and reminding them to focus more of their attention on what IS working, what they appreciate about those around them, and what they are proud of about themselves.

The following article is one of the many that he sends out on a monthly basis, I hope you enjoy it.

Tell Them The Truth
by Mike Robbins

Sometimes we think that appreciation is all about being “nice.” That’s not the case. Appreciation, in my opinion, is about recognizing the value of someone or something and about being able to empower ourselves and others. It is, however, also about coming from a place of gratitude, respect, and truth in our relationships with the people around us. Giving people honest feedback can be one of the best ways to appreciate them and let them know we that we care about them. This, however, isn’t always easy.

First of all, to give someone honest feedback you must have a foundation of trust and appreciation in your relationship with them. It’s also important to ask their permission and make sure it’s okay with them before you launch into your feedback.

Often we wait until it’s too late or we don’t say something because we’re scared about how they might react. It’s easy to say nothing or to just “blow smoke.” However, it takes real courage to speak your truth to another person.

The key is your intention. If your intention is to make a difference for that person, “clear” something that might be in your way with them, or help them see something they may not be able to see – you’re coming from a place that can empower and ultimately support that person. If your intention is to be superior, to show them how wrong they are and how right you are, or some version of either of these two things – you’re coming from your ego and your “truth” will most likely push them away.

I’ve recently been confronted with a number of situations like this in my own life. I’ve handled some of them very poorly - either by not speaking up or doing so in a self-righteous or ineffective way. There have been a handful of situations, however, where I’ve had the courage to speak up and say what was on my mind and in doing so something wonderful happened. Regardless of how we go about this, in the end it’s almost always better for us to speak up than not. We learn more about ourselves, get closer to the other person, and grow in the process.

When someone speaks a “hard truth” to me, I know that have a tendency to push back and defend myself initially. Once that happens, however, I’m usually able to hear their feedback and learn from it. Most importantly, I always appreciate their willingness and courage to say something honest and potentially vulnerable to me.

Look at your relationships - especially the most important ones. Where are you not telling the truth, not giving feedback, or worried to say something honest? What would it take for you to be willing to tell them the truth? What are you afraid of? What would be possible in your relationship with them if you spoke up?

I challenge to you to pick a few important people in your life that you’ve been afraid to speak your truth to and just do it. Remember that speaking your truth (with appreciation, honesty, and kindness) is a great gift for the people in your life and is one of the best ways you can acknowledge them and strengthen your relationship.

How will you speak the truth with appreciation and honesty?

Quote of the Day

"Just when you think you have her all figured out, out of left-field comes a bolt of lightning that sends you reeling and questioning everything you ever thought you knew about the same sex. In any relationship, each partner shines the light on the road when the road is dark, as well as holds the mirror for the other to see their true reflection."

-Emily Wilcox

What is Love? Part 2 - Love or Need for Security ?

By Robert Elias Najemy

Our Love is Mixed With Need. Our love is still mixed with a considerable amount of need. Love wants to give. Need wants to take. Sometimes what we are seeking to take is very subtle and requires deep inner inquiry.

Whenever we feel pain, fear or anger in our relationships, it is because we believe that our needs are in "danger" of not being satisfied. When this happens, our "love" turns to hurt, disappointment, fear, loneliness, inferiority, or bitterness, and sometimes, anger, hate, rage and desire for revenge.

How can love become all these negative emotions? It cannot. The simple truth is that our emotion never was pure love to begin with. It was an "attraction" based to some degree also on need.

This does not mean that we should reject ourselves because we have seldom really loved purely. As we are not yet enlightened spiritual beings, how could we? It would be like rejecting ourselves because we do not yet have a university diploma when we are still in the first grade or because we are a flower bud, which has not yet blossomed. It is only natural that we cannot yet love unconditionally. This is our stage of evolution.

Freeing our Love from Need

The first step towards opening our hearts to real love is to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with all our weaknesses and faults. Only then can we proceed effectively.

The second step is to begin observing the feelings that are stimulated in our transpersonal. Through objective self-observation, we can determine in which situations we love unconditionally and in which we are feeling "loving" with specific conditions. Following are some examples that will help.

Needing Those Who Make Us Feel Secure

We look to others for security. We might seek security from our parents, spouses, siblings, children, employers, friends, ministers, spiritual teachers or others.

We do feel love toward these beings, but often that love is based on the fact that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that obstruct our feelings of security or if they decide to leave or ignore us, will we still love them?

If our employer fires us, will we still love him or her? If our parents throw us out onto the street, will we still love them? Or is our love tightly woven with the need for security?

If as parents we dream that our children will become economically well off and socially accepted professionals, will we love them the same if they become street artists, beggars or anarchists? Some parents will be able to; others will not.

The basic question is whether or not our feelings of love are steady and consistent regardless of the various changing behaviors of those we "love". In each case where we perceive our heart closing, we need to discover what we fear in that situation. What might we believe is in danger? Most frequently we lose our love when we fear that our security, self-worth, freedom or pleasure are in danger.

Only when we have realized total inner security, perhaps based on an inner spiritual awakening or on our faith in the Divine, will we be able to love without security attachments.

Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them steadily.

Society has caused us to completely confuse this matter. We believe that if we love others, then we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our world would fall apart if something happens to them. This is insecurity.

This is a lack of awareness of our inner spiritual nature and our ability to deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.

Perhaps this is why the Apostle John wrote, "Where there is perfect love, there can be no fear".

Be sure to look for "What is Love Part 3 - Love, Pleasure or Affirmation, " tomorrow.