Research Finds Same-Sex Couples Just as Committed and Possibly Happier than Heterosexual Couples

In a study done by Medical News Today, same-sex couples are just as committed in their romantic relationships as heterosexual couples and may be happier, say researchers who have studied the quality of adult relationships and healthy development. What they found disputes the stereotype that same-sex couples are not as committed as their heterosexual counterparts and are therefore not as psychologically healthy.

These results came from two studies featured in the January issue of Developmental Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association. This issue includes a special section that examines sexual orientation across the lifespan.

The first study examined whether committed same-sex couples differ from engaged and married heterosexual couples in how well they interacted and how satisfied they were with their partners. Evidence has shown that positive interactions improve the quality of relationships in ways that create healthy adult development.

Researchers from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign compared 30 gay male relationships and 30 lesbian couples with 50 engaged heterosexual couples and 40 older married heterosexual couples, as well as with dating heterosexual couples. All the partners responded to a questionnaire that documented how positively they interacted with one another on a day-to-day basis.

Results showed that all had positive views of their relationships but those in the more committed relationships (gay or straight) resolved conflict better than the heterosexual dating couples. And lesbian couples worked together especially harmoniously during the laboratory tasks and especially effective at resolving conflict.

In the second study, researchers from the University of Washington, San Diego State University and the University of Vermont wanted to examine how sexual orientation and legal status affected relationship quality. To do so, they followed 65 male and 138 female same-sex couples with civil unions, 23 male and 61 female same-sex couples not in civil unions and 55 heterosexual married couples over a three-year period. One member of each heterosexual couple was a sibling to a member of a civil union couple.

Partners in all of the couples answered questions regarding their demographics, status of their relationship, number of children, sexual behavior, frequency of contact with their parents with and without their partners and perceived social support. Partners in same-sex relationships also answered questions regarding how “out” they were with family, friends and co-workers.


Despite the legal status of their relationships, the civil union couples showed no differences on any of the relationship measures from the same-sex couples who were in committed relationships but not in civil unions.

However, the same sex-couples who were not in civil unions were more likely to have ended their relationships compared to those couples in same-sex civil unions or heterosexual marriages. Suggesting that the protections afforded by a legalized relationship may impact same-sex relationships, something the study's authors plan to follow up on with more research.

The findings also showed that same-sex couples, regardless of civil union status, were more satisfied with their relationships compared to married heterosexual couples. Same-sex couples reported more positive feelings toward their partners and less conflict than heterosexual married couples. They theorized that there may be societal pressures and norms, as well as the presence of legal status as a couple, which may contribute to heterosexual couples staying together even when they are not happy. Alternatively, many long-term, same-sex couples, stay together by their own will and hard work, since they don't have society's forces on their side.

This was the first study to follow same-sex couples in legalized unions over a period of time. This type of design allows the researchers to monitor changes in the relationships and compare them with changes experienced by both same-sex couples not in civil unions and heterosexual couples. All the couples were comparable with respect to race/ethnicity and age at the time of the study.

The Pursuit of Equality Screening in San Francisco

In celebration of the 4th Anniversary of the historic San Francisco weddings, AT&T and PG&E are having a special screening of PURSUIT OF EQUALITY, Directed by Geoff Callan & Mike Shaw.

By issuing same-sex marriage licenses, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom uproots the status quo, attempts to change the way the nation looks at life, love, and marriage, and ignites what may become our nation’s next great Civil Rights issue.

Date: Wednesday, February 13TH, 2008

Location: HERBST THEATRE, 401 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco, CA

Details: Cocktails and Hors d' Oeuvres from 6:00-7:30PM in the GREEN ROOM
Film begins promptly at 7:30pm.

Special Appearance by San Francisco MayorGavin Newsom

Honorary Host Committee:
Neil Guiliano - GLAAD
Kate Kendell - NCLR
Kevin Cathcart - Lambda Legal
Geoff Kors - EQCA
Molly McKay - Marriage Equality USA

RSVP by February 8th to: rsvpsf@pursuitofequality.com
Seating is Limited.

For more information, please visit: http://www.pursuitofequality.com/sfscreening/

Al Gore stands up for Gay Marriage

I have to applaud our former Vice President, Al Gore, for posting a video on current.com supporting gay marriage.

In his video Gore says,"I think that gay men and women ought to have the same rights as heterosexual men and women – to make contracts, to have hospital visiting rights, to join together in marriage, and I don't understand why it is considered by some people to be a threat to heterosexual marriage, to allow it by gays and lesbians," Gore said in the video on Current TV. “Shouldn't we be promoting the kind of faithfulness and loyalty to one’s partner regardless of sexual orientation?"

With the leading Democratic presidential candidates supporting some form of Civil Unions, but not same-sex marriage, I wonder if Gore's words will have any impact on the candidates positions.

Not Your Usual Lesbian Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is one of the few holidays that is celebrated throughout the world. And although many retailers would like you to believe that this holiday is all about the gift giving, there are many other ways you can make your sweetie feel special on Valentine's Day.

Here are a few ideas to give you a head start on your February 14th plans:

1. Try cooking a meal. Now don't freak out about this one, you don't have to be a gourmet chef to make a nice dinner for your partner. In fact, you can find recipes for chicken, steak or fish on the Internet that are surprisingly easy to follow. And if you’re a little too scared to attempt it alone, then perhaps you and your partner can cook a romantic meal together.
   
   


2. How about an evening at home? Rent some of her favorite movies, make some popcorn and cuddle on the couch while watching movies. You could even order in for dinner and have a romantic meal by the fire. Another possibility, if your lucky enough to have a bath tub, light some candles and take a romantic bath together.
   


3. Why not pamper yourselves? What better way to celebrate this day of love then by taking yourself and your partner to a spa. Spoil yourselves with massages, maybe a soak in the hot tub and then perhaps lounging in your robes while drinking tea.
   


4. Get a little creative. Why not make a scrapbook documenting some of the special moment in you relationship. Or try writing a poem about how the two of you met. If you’re really artistic, perhaps you could make a collage with photos, quotes, etc. Handmade gifts are always appreciated and if you need more ideas, there are some great Valentine’s day DIY ideas at ecobites.com
   


5. How about Love Coupons? Coupons can be easily created on your computer or by hand, and you can make them as specific as you like. In fact, you could even make some coupons that are romantic and others that might just relieve some stress in her life, such as doing all the house cleaning one weekend.
   
   Here are a few more coupon ideas…
   
   -Good for an evening of romance
   -Good for one kiss
   -Good for a weekend getaway
   -Good for one sensual act
   -Good for a massage
   -Good for one romantic dinner out
   -Good for a foot massage
   -Good for cleaning the dishes
   -Good for a home-cooked meal
   


6. Fulfill a fantasy. Yes, I am referring to a sexual fantasy. Perhaps start with a little role-playing or a maybe new sexual position? You know what they say, experimentation breeds’ excitement in the bedroom, and what better way to spend your Valentine's Day. But, if that is a bit too risqué for your taste, then perhaps you can try taking turns reading an erotic book to each other...that can be just as much fun and may lead to other activities, if you know what I mean…wink wink nudge nudge.
   


7. Make it a Surprise. Perhaps the most romantic gift of all, which may or may not be fulfilled by any of the above ideas, is to make whatever you do be a surprise. The best gestures are often those that are unexpected.

And If you do decide to buy your partner a gift, please try to be a bit more original then your basic long-stem roses and a plain box of chocolates. And while your at it, why not support the lesbian community as well? Here are a few gift ideas from companies that either cater to the lesbian community and/or are lesbian owned:

1. Jewelry-Love & Pride and Talk about it has some unique Jewelery items made specifically for the GLBT community.
   






2. Accessories and Art- 2Grrlz has some unique lesbian-centric accessories and artwork that would make a nice Valentine's Day gift.
   






3. Sex Toys - Lesbian Toy Shop and Two girls and their toys both offer quite the variety of sex toys, from glass dildos to nipple clamps, they seem to have it all.
   






4. Gourmet Chocolates - Poco Dolce is not your basic box of chocolates. Imagine tiles of silky dark chocolate with double roasted almond, crystallized Ginger, Burnt Caramel Toffee or Aztec Chile finished with smattering of sea-salt flakes...these are just a few of the options you will find with Poco Dolce.
   






5. Clothing - Dyke Tees has a variety of unique and stylish T-shirts and Family Evolutions has clothing and gifts for lesbians and their children.
   

Whatever it is you end up doing for Valentine's Day, don't stress about it! It isn't about the gifts, or the restaurant, it is about taking the time to appreciate each other and remember why the two of you decided to be together.

Politically Correct Lesbian Phone Sex

Well I don't usually do 2 videos in a row, but my friend Sam pointed this one out and I am still rolling...

Lesbian Speed Dating

If you haven't already seen this video, it is definitely worth a look!

End of Days: Girl-Girl Break Ups

I found this great article by K. Pearson Brown about lesbian break-ups...it is soo "right on the money," that I knew I had to share it, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

For two years my ex Michelle lived with her ex Karen before moving on. They dated other women, but each night they went home to each other where they made house, grocery shopped, did yard work and even hosted parties together. To outsiders they were a couple. A couple of what you ask? A couple of typical lesbians who wallow in an agonizing slow burn of a breakup instead of ending it quickly like straight folk.

Many of us are guilty of it. We fan that dying ember of a relationship because it gives us just a little warmth and comfort, usually until one of us finds a new flame. In an interview after her separation from her former partner Julie Cypher, Melissa Etheridge revealed that her love affairs always overlapped so she never had to fully deal with heartache. That’s always nice, for one side.

The emotional dynamics between women lovers are different than between hetero partners, and we don’t have a Lesbians are from Jupiter manual to help us understand our mates. Our relationships begin quickly and intensely. We meld emotionally and nest together immediately. Often our body cycles even get in synch. So when things go south, it’s hard to pull apart.

My last relationship was so comfortable that we talked about splitting up for a year and half. We’d talk about it over dinner, and then in bed. The romance was gone, but neither of us wanted to leave. We didn’t want to lose our best friend.

Perhaps one of the best things that gays would gain by winning the right to marry – besides equal rights under the law – would be the imposition of a proper divorce. No more dragging on dead-end relationships for months and even years. Sign some papers, divide the stuff, stay away from each other for a prescribed period of time, and it’s done.

But I wonder if we would miss the dyke drama that has become of rite of passage for lesbians. Often we have to have that last knock-down-drag-out screaming match, throwing things and slamming doors, to signal that it’s finally over.

At least we do it with flare. What could be worse, and more boring, than a straight friend’s recent breakup with her boyfriend in which he simply quit calling. Of course lesbians don’t have the corner on dramatic endings. Think Jean Harris and Herman Tarnower, Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuco, David Gest and Liza Minnelli, Brad and Jennifer. And certainly the boys aren’t exempt to those excruciating off-and-on again liaisons. Who doesn’t feel a twinge in the heart when Jake Gyllenhaal says to Heath Leger in the trailer to Brokeback Mountain, “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

When you think about the devastation of ending a relationship, it’s a wonder we ever regain the courage to love again. But even after a Titanic breakup, the heart does do on, as Celine Dion promises. Poor Kate Winslet. Come here, I’ll make you feel better.

A therapist once told me it takes three months for every year you were with a lover to get over the relationship. For the average two-and-a-half-year lesbian relationship, that means seven and a half months of recovery. The same therapist also told me that a good indicator of a person’s ability to have a healthy relationship is how that person ended past relationships and how friendly that person is with exes.

So, now that I have nearly two years behind me since my last romantic relationship, and my ex and I continue to be best of friends, it stands to reason that I am excellent dating material. But I have one question: Does this mean my ex has to move out?

K. Pearson Brown is a writer and public relations director living in Los Angeles. She is currently writing her first novel, You'll Never Eat P*ssy in This Town Again.