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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Peace For Your Deep Seated Longings

By Judy Kinney

Many of my conversations with clients, friends, and colleagues these days revolve around how to respond to an emerging and deep seated wanting. Regardless of the individual desire, each person is tapping into a deeply rooted part of their soul.

If this is true for you, or others in your life, I want you to know that you have lots of company! There are many others who are also exploring how to respond to these seemingly old longings that are popping up now. Many people are asking them self:

  • How do I respond to these longings when I'm already living a full and mostly happy life?

  • Can I trust these longings? and,

  • What is the source of these longings?

These are great questions to ask yourself whenever you find yourself experience an unsettling tug in your life. Because, on one hand, those deep but quiet whispers within you reflect the magnetic pull of your soul's calling. And, on the other hand, your desires can be never ending distractions that keep you from actually enjoying your life.

How do you know which desires are aligned with your soul and which ones are distractions?

Here are a few assumptions that I work with to provide a foundation for welcoming all your desires and longings.

Beneath most of our longings is a deeply rooted desire to belong. Belonging is a bit of a dance because while we are intimately connected to all that is, there is something within each of us that a person or thing can't fully satisfy. I'm sure you've experienced this personal sovereignty if you've ever gotten the relationship, job, or house, that you wanted. You may have relaxed into the moment, opened your heart only to have your peace disrupted as you realize that something is missing.

In contrast, when we live outside the shelter of our intrinsic belonging, we become numb or restless. We spend our time trying to get others or things to fill this unfulfillable gap.That said, here are a couple pragmatic practices or assumptions that allow your soul's callings to surface and other longings to just be.
  • Let yourself want freely. Below I have a set of questions that help you sort out what you want and what you want to do something about.

  • Welcome with an open heart, that as a sovereign being, you have a full and wonderful range of longings that won't be completely satisfied.

  • Recognize that we're all living in unsettled times. Rather than wishing for what was, ask yourself "how do I want to contribute to the world (or my life) today?"

  • Understand that your surest guide is always within you. Spend time daily nurturing your relationship with yourself and the divine/god/source to access the love, safety, freedom, abundance, security, connection, happiness, and peace always residing within you.

  • Your soul loves the dangerousness of growth and a old part of your mind resists change with wily determination. As I've said before, within this dissonance, life becomes art.
Learning to live in this tender but rich zone frees you to discover more about yourself and others. And, isn't this what life is all about?

Adapted from Michael Neill, SuperCoach
The following questions are a great way to let yourself identify ALL the wants and goals that you have floating around in your heart and mind. Pick a topic ~what you want in a new year, love/relationships, a new job, your health or your life in general. Let yourself freely identify what comes you mind.

"Should" Goals
. What goals SHOULD you pursue this year?

Logical "Next Step" Goals. What do you feel are the sensible, reasonable and responsible objectives to go for next?

Deep Wants. What do you want more than anything in the world whether you've said it out loud or not?

Fairy Godmother Wants. What would you want if you could have anything you want and NOT have to do a thing to obtain or keep them?

Happy Wants. What would you want if you knew you wouldn't be unhappy about NOT getting it?

WOW Wants! In the next day or year, what would make you go, WOW!!

It is always great to simply let your self want what you want! If you're ready to take action on your wants, these next questions can help you prioritize and put a plan in place. Go through your list and ask yourself:

Regardless of whether or not I think I can actually have this or not,
do I really WANT it?
  • If your answer was a clear yes, circle your answer.
  • If your answer was a clear no, cross it off.
  • If your answer was ANYTHING but a no-brainer, consider it a no for now.
Now, take only the items that you circled and divide them into your Fairy Godmother list (those items that you want and welcome into your life at ANY time, but that you won't take any action to create) and your Project list (those items that you want and will take action to create.)

Fairy Godmother list
Do something fun with your Fairy Godmother list-put the list in a favorite journal, up on the wall or put the ideas on your vision board.

Project List
Once you have your project list, identify the item that grabs your attention first, and begin there! Enjoy!

Judy Kinney is a Life Coach who specializes in helping lesbian, bi and queer women create the life of their dreams. Check out her new website at

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