Maturity in Relationships

by Larry James, author and relationship coach

Maturity, in general, is many things. Maturity in a love relationship is everything! First it is the ability to base a decision about a love relationship on the big picture - the long haul. In general, it means being able to pass up the fun for the moment and select the course of action which will pay off later.

In a love relationship, it means being able to enjoy the instant gratification that comes with the romance of the moment while knowing the best is yet to be and being patient while you watch your love grow. It is knowing that by working together, the state of unconditional love will presence itself in the relationship and will mature with time. It is knowing that you grow into a love relationship. It doesn't happen all at once. Mature love partners seek new ways to help each other grow.

One of the characteristics of infancy is the "I want it now" approach. Grown-up people can wait. And often they don't. Often they allow themselves to slip back into infancy so they can justify rushing into things.

Maturity is the ability to stick with a project or a situation until it is finished. It means doing whatever it takes to make the relationship be one you are proud to be in. The adult who is constantly changing jobs, relationships, and friends, is in a word. . . immature. They cannot stick it out because they have not grown up. Everything seems to turn sour after a while.

Mature love partners have learned not to expect perfection in each other. They know that acceptance has its own reward. Each lover's differences test the other's capacity for acceptance, forgiveness and understanding. They never dance around issues. When necessary, they discuss their imperfections, lovingly, with care not to pass judgment with harmful words. Acceptance and tolerance hold hands in the presence of unconditional love.

Mature lovers -- lovers who love unconditionally -- develop a knack for side- stepping resentment and focusing on the good they see in one another. They have evolved to a higher level of understanding, one that transcends taking notice of the imperfections of the other.

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness, frustration, discomfort and defeat without complaint or collapse. Mature love partners know they can't have everything their own way. They are able to defer to circumstances, to other people - and to time, when necessary.

Mature love partners permit each other the freedom to pursue their individual interests and friends without restriction. This is when trust presents itself. Mature love allows this level of separateness to bring lovers closer together. In this scenario separateness is perceived as a bond, not a wedge. It encourages love partners to celebrate their own uniqueness.

Maturity is the ability to live up to the responsibilities of a love relationship, and this means being dependable. It means keeping your word; it means living in your relationship like your word really means something. Dependability equates with personal integrity. This means no withholds. It means saying what needs to be said, with love. Do you mean what you say? Do you say what you mean?

The world is filled with people who can't be counted on, people who never seem to come through in the clutches, people who break promises and substitute alibis for performance. They make excuses. They show up late - or not at all. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a chaotic maze of unfinished business and uncommitted relationships. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

Maturity is the ability to harness your abilities and your energies and to do more than is expected in your relationships. The mature person refuses to settle for mediocrity. They would rather aim high and miss the mark than aim low and hit it.

GLAAD Announces Nominees & Special Honorees for 2nd Annual GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) recently announced the nominees and honorees for the 2nd Annual GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising Presented by Omnicom Group, Publicis Groupe, and Rokk Vodka. Bryan Batt (Mad Men) will host the event on September 29, 2010 in New York City and Bethenny Frankel (Real Housewives of New York City, Bethenny Getting Married?) will present. Among the nominees are: Absolut Vodka's "Exceptional Moments: The Absolut RuPaul" commercials, Levi Strauss & Co.'s "Gay History Month/Logo Leaders" campaign, Progressive Insurance's "Works in Progress" ads, Wells Fargo's "Advocate Money Minute," and Givenchy's "Fall 2010" campaign featuring openly transgender model Lea T. A complete list of nominated ads is included below and can also be found at http://www.glaad.org/advertisingawards/nominees.

GLAAD also announced that American Airlines will receive the Corporate Responsibility Award for its long-standing and public commitment to the LGBT community. As part of the American Airlines Rainbow TeAAM, the company has supported LGBT film festivals, fundraisers and Pride events across the country by serving as an official airline partner. American Airlines was also the first airline to score 100% on the Human Rights Campaign's Corporate Equality Index.

GLAAD will present Bob Garfield with the Public Visibility Award in recognition of his work to advocate for LGBT inclusion in advertising. For 25 years, Bob Garfield's iconic "AdReview" column in Advertising Age evaluated and deconstructed thousands of ads from hundreds of agencies worldwide. Throughout his tenure, Garfield has been a strong ally for the LGBT community, taking on some of the most formidable agencies in the nation over ads rooted in homophobia and stereotypes and applauding groundbreaking inclusions of LGBT people in mainstream advertising.

GLAAD is pleased to announce that this year's event is an official event of Advertising Week. Advertising Week is North America's premier gathering of cutting-edge communications leaders. Advertising Week is a hybrid of thought leadership and special event programming, uniting clients, creatives, media and inspiring figures. Advertising Week's mission is to galvanize the industry by creating an entertaining, enlightening and engaging platform for disparate parts of the advertising business.

The GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising elevate and promote individuals and projects in the advertising and marketing industries for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community and the issues that affect their lives. The GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising also fund GLAAD's work to amplify stories of LGBT people and issues through all media to build support for equality.

"We celebrate this year's nominees and special honorees for their inclusive work," said GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios. "However, this year we witnessed a decline in the number of inclusive advertisements in mainstream media, and as our community continues to strive for visibility, the advertising industry should take note."

"As we see more gay and transgender characters and stories on television and in film, American consumers are coming to expect images of our community in advertising as well," Barrios continued. "Advertisers who include fair and accurate images of our community accomplish more than targeting new consumers, they also send a powerful message about the American cultural fabric of which our community is an integral part."

The GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising will be held in New York on September 29, 2010 at the Grand Hyatt New York, 104 E. 42nd Street. More special guests and presenters will be announced. To purchase tickets for the event, please visit www.glaad.org/advertisingawards.

Nominees for the 2nd Annual GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising were printed, broadcast or appeared online between July 1, 2009 and June 30, 2010.

Leveraging GLAAD's media advocacy and anti-LGBT defamation resources, GLAAD's Advertising Media Program monitors all forms of advertising and works to ensure fair and accurate representations of the LGBT community or demand action when defamation occurs. The Advertising Media Program proactively advances inclusion of the LGBT community in mainstream advertising through advocacy work at advertising agencies and corporate advertising departments. GLAAD maintains an online library of over 4,000 LGBT-inclusive ads at www.glaad.org/advertising.

Gay Marriage is Called Off in California

Just 2 days before California would have allowed same-sex marriages to begin again, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit announced that they are keeping the stay in place of Judge Walker’s historic decision striking down Proposition 8.

So, same-sex couples in California are once again being denied the right to marry, despite the fact that Judge Walker had clearly shown that it was unconstitutional to do so.

The Stay Has Been Lifted!!!!

Judge Walker has lifted the stay on Prop 8 and as of Wednesday, August 18th at 5pm, Same Sex marriages will once again be allowed in California!!!!!!

Will Judge Walker Lift the Stay on Prop 8?

Today is the day we find out if Judge Walker decides to lift the stay on Proposition 8 and allow same-sex couple to marry while the Prop 8 appeal makes its way to court, or to leave it in place, which would maintain the ban.

Lawyers for the two couples that had challenged Prop. 8 have asked Walker to lift the stay. And Governor Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown have joined in on that request.

The ruling will be issued sometime between 9am and 12pm and I will post his decision as soon as I hear about it.

Prop 8 Ruled Unconstitutional...But the Fight is Not Over

I am sure most of you have heard the good news...

Today, Wednesday August 4th, 2010, a California Federal Judge overturned Proposition 8, California's ban on same-sex marriage, stating it was unconstitutional.

U.S. District Court Chief Judge Vaughn Walker stated that the proposition was unconstitutional under both the due-process and equal-protection clauses.

"Plaintiffs have demonstrated by overwhelming evidence that Proposition 8 violates their due process and equal protection rights and that they will continue to suffer these constitutional violations until state officials cease enforcement of Proposition 8. California is able to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, as it has already issued 18,000 marriage licenses to same sex couples and has not suffered any demonstrated harm as a result." "...moreover, California officials have chosen not to defend Proposition 8 in these proceedings. Because Proposition 8 is unconstitutional under both the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses, the court orders entry of judgment permanently enjoining its enforcement; prohibiting the official defendants from applying or enforcing Proposition 8 and directing the official defendants that all persons under their control or supervision shall not apply or enforce Proposition 8."

The judge concluded that "Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples."


So what's next?
Despite the favorable ruling for gay and lesbian couples, Judge Walker has yet to decide as to whether his order to allow gay marriage should be suspended while proponents of the ban pursue their appeal. He ordered both sides to submit written arguments by Friday .

Once the appeal is ready, it will go first to the 9th Circuit, and then on to the U.S. Supreme Court, if the high court justices agree to review it.

HRC's Video & Letter Campaign to Target & Best Buy

HRC reported earlier this week that the Target Corp and Best Buy donated a combined total of $250,000 to the political committee MN Forward, a political action committee headed by Brian McClung, a former spokesman for Gov. Tim Pawlenty.

HRC representatives explained that MN Forward's mission is to "...elect as governor an anti-LGBT state representative with a long history of attacks on LGBT Americans. This representative's campaign even donated to a controversial 'punk-rock Christian ministry' whose leader has advocated executing gays and lesbians!"

"After all these two companies have done to build a fair and equitable workplace, it's a slap in the face," said HRC president Joe Salmonese. "In years past, Target and Best Buy consistently received 100 percent ratings on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation's Corporate Equality Index."

So HRC has drafted an open letter to Target and Best Buy asking them to make it right by donating an equal amount of money to support candidates that fight for equality. But they need your help to make that happen.

Check out the video below and then Click here to add your name to the letter.

Prop 8 Overturned in California!!!

It was just announced that Prop 8 was overturned in the California courts, the judge agreed that it was unconstitutional!

More info to come...

Lesbian Dating & Relationships Blog Was Named #1 LGBT Lifestyles and Dating Blog

I just received notice that Lesbian Dating & Relationships Blog was named #1 of the 41 Best LGBT Lifestyles and Dating Blogs by LesbianDating.net.

Click here to check it out!

Target Corp. Gives Big Money to Support Anti-Gay Governor Campaign

Gay.com announced that last week, the Target Corporation gave $150,000 to Minnesota Forward, an anti-gay group supporting Republican Tom Emmer's campaign for Minnesota governor. According to a CBS News report, "Emmer is a fiery conservative who opposes gay marriage, lauds Arizona's strict approach to illegal immigration, once advocated chemical castration for sex offenders and wants to lower taxes.

Click here to read the entire article.

The Art of Relating: The Quick Start Guide

By Judy Kinney, Lesbian Life Coach

Consider these five perspectives the foundation for your relationships. This is all about you. As you strengthen your relationship with yourself via these guidelines, your ability to listen, communicate, and connect will deepen and expand.

Adopting these perspectives can bring an immediate shift in your relationships and you can apply these perspectives for the rest of your life!

Enjoy, have fun, be curious. Be love.

First
Your most important relationship is with yourself.
To fully nurture your relationship with yourself and others, I believe it is essential to understand and hone your sense of sovereignty. ALL of your relationships can challenge and deepen your sense of sovereignty which, at its core, is about accepting responsibility for your life.

You are solely responsible for creating and enjoying your life.

Sovereignty isn't about isolation, narcissism or a prompt to tug on your bootstraps. Of course you will join and partner with others. Yes, give and receive love thoughtfully. Be as close and intimate with others as feels true and genuine to your heart.

Just don't look for anyone else to fill a void or make things better for you.

Let's bring this concept of relating first to yourself home. Imagine being your own partner.

• Are you pleased with the love, attention and care you give to this relationship with yourself?
• What adjustments can you make to that will allow you to smile proudly when you answer that question?

NOTE: Any "yeah, buts" that your mind generates right now are lies. P.E.R.I.O.D.

Now, think of yourself with others,

• Do you set you aside so that you can have your relationships with others?
• How does this take its toll on you?

How does this take a toll on your relationships?

Enjoying a sovereign relationship with yourself allows you to see when, where and how you want to connect with others while centered in love, creativity, and integrity.

I know that you understand the logic of loving yourself. Your evolving answers to this question become your guide as you move from concept to reality.

What would a completely healed, positive relationship with myself look and feel like?

Second
Love is the glue, the lube, and the glitter on top.

Your perspective creates your reality. Your relationships will be grounded or distorted to the degree that you are viewing your connection from love's vantage point. Your anger, fear and frustration can point you in the direction of love, but are not trusted filters from which to engage with others.

Give yourself permission to step away from a situation, reconnect with yourself and your sense of love. Then revisit the conflict and discussion with the person in your life.

Third
Vulnerability is the new courage.
Readily sharing more of you with the world and with others is a natural outcome of your sense of sovereignty. When you've made a commitment to being yourself in all situations, it becomes easier to also share what others may consider weaknesses. For example, saying I was wrong, I really care about you, or I don't know. Welcoming others' vulnerability is the flip side of sharing your own and deepens your relationship.

I LOVE Dan Pallotta's article, Misfit Entrepreneurs. Don't misjudge the title and topic. An entrepreneur's willingness to be a fool for a divine purpose as Dan describes it, has applications to our relationships.

"To embrace the misfit in oneself is to be vulnerable. It is to forsake the easy acceptance that comes with fitting in and to instead be fortified by a kind of love, really. A love of life, a love of wonder, and, ultimately, a sustaining love for oneself. Far from egoism, that love for oneself is a measure of one's love for others, for humanity. And it is only from love that great ideas can be born."

What if you brought this much commitment, vision, vulnerability, and creativity to ALL of your relationships?

Fourth
Live your universality.

We are all connected via our energy and common humanity. Your universality emerges from the understanding that you are a spiritual being having a physical experience. Living your universality is about knowing in your heart that you are always a child of god, source, divine, as is everyone and everything in our universe.

A central gift of our current experiences is that we each are able to become more intimate and compassionate with each other. Judgment, while seemingly putting up one last good fight, is becoming extinct. Feeling righteous as you point your finger at someone else attempts to deny your kindred relationship with that person.

Masaru Emoto's amazing research regarding the influence of positive thinking on water droplets illustrates the science behind how our common energy is so intimately linked.

Check out this video

What does this have to do with your relationships? There are two parts to this:

First, if you accepted our integral connectivity, why would you ever feel alone?

• If you could have anyone, alive, dead or imagined by your side, who would you call upon when you are afraid?
• Again, alive, dead, or imagined, who reminds you about your inherent courage, integrity, creativity, and love?

Next time you wonder if you're enough, simply call out the divine troupes to help you move toward what matters to you.

Secondly, look at the impact of your thoughts on yourself and others. For the health of you and others, choose love. Always.


Fifth
Yesterday's best way isn't necessarily today's best way.
I know that there are aspects of the past that feel relevant to you today. Those relational beliefs and practices that are aligned with your soul will be easily incorporated into your life. You will know when you're trying to recreate what isn't true for you through your continued frustration and limited success.

I have found the following questions to be my most accurate guide me in my connections with others.

• How loving is this?
• How authentic is this?
• How creative is this?

In closing, change is the new normal, my friends.

Being yourself
creates the continuity you seek.


Thanks ever so much for making the world a better place! Two things before I wrap this up.

1. Please feel free to share this with your friends AND
2. Let me know if you want more! Exploring if individual or group coaching is a good fit for you is free AND easy!

In the spirit of love and service,

Judy Kinney