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Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Art of Relating: The Quick Start Guide

By Judy Kinney, Lesbian Life Coach

Consider these five perspectives the foundation for your relationships. This is all about you. As you strengthen your relationship with yourself via these guidelines, your ability to listen, communicate, and connect will deepen and expand.

Adopting these perspectives can bring an immediate shift in your relationships and you can apply these perspectives for the rest of your life!

Enjoy, have fun, be curious. Be love.

Your most important relationship is with yourself.
To fully nurture your relationship with yourself and others, I believe it is essential to understand and hone your sense of sovereignty. ALL of your relationships can challenge and deepen your sense of sovereignty which, at its core, is about accepting responsibility for your life.

You are solely responsible for creating and enjoying your life.

Sovereignty isn't about isolation, narcissism or a prompt to tug on your bootstraps. Of course you will join and partner with others. Yes, give and receive love thoughtfully. Be as close and intimate with others as feels true and genuine to your heart.

Just don't look for anyone else to fill a void or make things better for you.

Let's bring this concept of relating first to yourself home. Imagine being your own partner.

  • Are you pleased with the love, attention and care you give to this relationship with yourself?
  • What adjustments can you make to that will allow you to smile proudly when you answer that question?

NOTE: Any "yeah, buts" that your mind generates right now are lies. P.E.R.I.O.D.

Now, think of yourself with others,

  • Do you set you aside so that you can have your relationships with others?
  • How does this take its toll on you?

How does this take a toll on your relationships?

Enjoying a sovereign relationship with yourself allows you to see when, where and how you want to connect with others while centered in love, creativity, and integrity.

I know that you understand the logic of loving yourself. Your evolving answers to this question become your guide as you move from concept to reality.

What would a completely healed, positive relationship with myself look and feel like?

Love is the glue, the lube, and the glitter on top.

Your perspective creates your reality. Your relationships will be grounded or distorted to the degree that you are viewing your connection from love's vantage point. Your anger, fear and frustration can point you in the direction of love, but are not trusted filters from which to engage with others.

Give yourself permission to step away from a situation, reconnect with yourself and your sense of love. Then revisit the conflict and discussion with the person in your life.

Vulnerability is the new courage.
Readily sharing more of you with the world and with others is a natural outcome of your sense of sovereignty. When you've made a commitment to being yourself in all situations, it becomes easier to also share what others may consider weaknesses. For example, saying I was wrong, I really care about you, or I don't know. Welcoming others' vulnerability is the flip side of sharing your own and deepens your relationship.

I LOVE Dan Pallotta's article, Misfit Entrepreneurs. Don't misjudge the title and topic. An entrepreneur's willingness to be a fool for a divine purpose as Dan describes it, has applications to our relationships.

"To embrace the misfit in oneself is to be vulnerable. It is to forsake the easy acceptance that comes with fitting in and to instead be fortified by a kind of love, really. A love of life, a love of wonder, and, ultimately, a sustaining love for oneself. Far from egoism, that love for oneself is a measure of one's love for others, for humanity. And it is only from love that great ideas can be born."

What if you brought this much commitment, vision, vulnerability, and creativity to ALL of your relationships?

Live your universality.

We are all connected via our energy and common humanity. Your universality emerges from the understanding that you are a spiritual being having a physical experience. Living your universality is about knowing in your heart that you are always a child of god, source, divine, as is everyone and everything in our universe.

A central gift of our current experiences is that we each are able to become more intimate and compassionate with each other. Judgment, while seemingly putting up one last good fight, is becoming extinct. Feeling righteous as you point your finger at someone else attempts to deny your kindred relationship with that person.

Masaru Emoto's amazing research regarding the influence of positive thinking on water droplets illustrates the science behind how our common energy is so intimately linked.

Check out this video

What does this have to do with your relationships? There are two parts to this:

First, if you accepted our integral connectivity, why would you ever feel alone?

  • If you could have anyone, alive, dead or imagined by your side, who would you call upon when you are afraid?
  • Again, alive, dead, or imagined, who reminds you about your inherent courage, integrity, creativity, and love?

Next time you wonder if you're enough, simply call out the divine troupes to help you move toward what matters to you.

Secondly, look at the impact of your thoughts on yourself and others. For the health of you and others, choose love. Always.

Yesterday's best way isn't necessarily today's best way.

I know that there are aspects of the past that feel relevant to you today. Those relational beliefs and practices that are aligned with your soul will be easily incorporated into your life. You will know when you're trying to recreate what isn't true for you through your continued frustration and limited success.

I have found the following questions to be my most accurate guide me in my connections with others.

  • How loving is this?
  • How authentic is this?
  • How creative is this?

In closing, change is the new normal, my friends.

Being yourself
creates the continuity you seek.

Thanks ever so much for making the world a better place! Two things before I wrap this up.

  1. Please feel free to share this with your friends AND
  2. Let me know if you want more! Exploring if individual or group coaching is a good fit for you is free AND easy!

In the spirit of love and service,

Judy Kinney

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