A Gift of the Heart

by Larry James

Want to know how to avoid a gift-giving blunder? To help you develop gift-giving savvy, when you give a gift during the holiday season or on any other occasion, make it a gift of the heart.

A gift of the heart is a gift we give to our friends and relatives that they want and need. A gift is defined as something freely given from one heart to another with no strings attached. A gift with strings is a gift of the ego.

The value of the gift itself is not as important as its presentation and the thoughtfulness behind the giving. Giving gifts that will benefit the recipient is a meaningful gesture. Good gifts move the recipient because they have been chosen with a thoughtful heart.

Giving gifts, while fun and enjoyable in theory, offers endless potential for frustration; thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing. The task of giving the right gift can be made much easier with a little bit of pre-thought.

Begin now to think and plan ahead. Listen for clues. Comments like, "Wow! That would be great in the family room!" or "It sure would be nice to not have to (fill in the blank)!" or "Oh, I love that, but it's a little more than I want to pay!" That's your cue to make a mental note and add it to your gift list.

When you give gifts people want and need, whether it is money, time, talent, advice, Love or other tangible gifts, you will begin to receive back to you what you want. Your friends and relatives will kiss the "returns counter" good-bye and reduce return trips to the mall. The last-minute, rush to the store to find a gift tells a story about you.

A gift given with the thought, "What will I get in return for this," is a gift of the ego. Why bother? It's a gift we give because we want to give it rather than a gift that fulfills a need or want. Gifts given from ego are seldom appreciated.

Giving a gift of the heart anticipates desire; what you are offering is wanted and is appropriate. Simple, well chosen gifts unite the recipient and the giver, are appreciated and are often treasured the most. Gifts of the heart light up our friends and relatives with happiness and joy beyond our wildest imaginings.

Thoughtless, inappropriate gifts cause more attention to be given to the giver. Desire for attention is better requested, in a direct way, not with gifts. A gift given of the heart is for giving attention, not requesting it.

What to give?

We can learn everyday a little more about gift-giving by "being" with the people we love so that we know what they want and need. Proper thought, feeling and inquiry must go into the gift selection. A certain quality of attention is often absent in gift-giving. Brief consideration does not create a considerate gift. Gift must be real and given from the heart to be appreciated.

Gifts should be a symbol of being related rather than a bid for reassurance that we are loved.

Larry James is President of CelebrateLove.com. He has been a full-time professional speaker, author and relationship coach since 1987.

2008 Lesbian Holiday Gift Guide

Times are tough for everyone this year and with the holidays right around the corner, what's a lesbian to do? Well relax, take a deep breath, and don't think you have to forgo gift-giving all together. Instead, why not budget your shopping a bit more than usual, while still helping to stimulate the economy... Plus it's fun to give other's that warm fuzzy feeling that gift-giving can induce. So, with that in mind, here are some inexpensive but thoughtful gift ideas for all of the lesbians in your life.

Lesbian Books

The Butch Cookbook
Recipes contributed by butches from around the world and from all walks of life are mixed with butch musings, life and lore, history, and quotes. Novice to gourmet, these chefs have shared their expertise, frequently with humor, in easy-to-follow, hands-on instructions for an entirel new blend of cooking and culture. Irresistible offerings include quick meals for a night on your own, lucious potluck recipes, holiday indulgences, sweet treats, a special time for two, and even goodies for furry friends. Check out the website, thebutchcookbook.com, for photos and information about the contributors and excerpts from the book; $18.95 at Amazon.com.

The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For (hardcover)
From the author of Fun Home -- the lives, loves, and politics of cult fav characters Mo, Lois, Sydney, Sparrow, Ginger,Stuart, Clarice, and others. For twenty-five years Bechdel's path-breaking Dykes to Watch Out For strip has been collected in award-winning volumes syndicated in fifty alternative newspapers, and translated into many languages. Now, at last, The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For gathers a "rich, funny, deep and impossible to put down" (PublishersWeekly) selection from all eleven Dykes volumes. Here too are sixty of the newest strips, never before published in book form; $16.50 at Amazon.com.

Best Lesbian Romance 2009

Proving that true romance is more than sugary pop songs and chocolates, editor Radclyffe presents the juiciest, most seductive lesbian love stories by authors such as Jennifer Fulton, Karin Kallmaker, Alison Tyler and Radclyffe herself. These stories reveal the underlying emotions and complex relationships that help define love between women. From a shy glance across a crowded room, to a casual meeting at a dinner party, this collection of romantic stories showcases the many ways love can make us feel most alive; $10.17 Amazon.com

Lesbian Calendars Ideas

Provocateur Women 2009 Calendar

The elegance of female sexuality is wondrously captured in this signature women's calendar. Renée Jacobs injects a breath of fresh air with tasteful, lovely shots that show the female form in all her power, grace, sensuality and vulnerability; $10.85 Amazon.com

Judy Francesconi Sugar & Spice 2009 Calendar
This is a limited run, 12 month calendar with 13 beautiful black & white images of lesbians, each suitable for framing. $25.95 at http://www.judyfrancesconi.com/calendars.

Lesbian Movies/DVDs
Movies are another great gift idea is quite affordable. Here are a few lesbian movies that would also make a great holiday gift.

Spider Lilies
Behind every tattoo there is a secret. Webcam girl Jade (Taiwanese pop icon Rainie Yang) makes her living tantalizing online voyeurs. But behind her sassy façade, Jade carries the powerful memory of her childhood crush on Takeko, a young woman who now works at a nearby tattoo parlor. Jade goes to Takeko seeking a tattoo of a spider lily, hoping to rekindle their love. Takeko refuses to give her the tattoo, which symbolizes a family secret. She also spurns Jade's advances - at first . . . $22.49 at Amazon.com

Nina's Heavenly DelightsWhen a feisty young woman returns to her home to attend her father´s funeral, she´s shocked to learn that her family has sold half of the shares in their Indian restaurant. Inspired by her colorful friends and budding new romance, she works towards saving the establishment and besting its competition. $19.99 Amazon.com

She Likes Girls 3
The girls who like the girls are back in this jam-packed installment of the most popular lesbian shorts DVD series of all time. Enjoy the eye-candy and prepare to be entertained by these funny, sad, romantic, dramatic lesbian short movies from today’s top talents including: Guinevere Turner (Go Fish, The L Word), Julie Goldman (Big Gay Sketch Show), Cassandra Nicolaou (Interviews with My Next Girlfriend, Show Me), Roberta Munroe (Dani and Alice), and others. $22.49 at amazon.com

Itty Bitty Titty
This latest fabulous movie from Jamie (But I’m a Cheerleader) Babbit is a dynamic, romantic, frequently funny and politically astute movie with a smart script, rockin’ soundtrack and terrific ensemble cast that includes sexy young Melonie Diaz as the new dyke on the block who falls in with a great gang of Feminist troublemakers called Clits in Action (CiA), and then falls in love with leader of the pack, Nicole Vicius. Unfortunately, Nicole has a girlfriend – Melanie Mayron – and, as they say, drama ensues. With Carly Pope, Daniela Sea, Guinevere Turner, Deak Evgenikos, Jenny Shimizu and Lauren Mollica; $14.99 at amazon.com.

Sex Toys
Whether your looking for something special for your partner, or a gift for a friend, sex toys are a fun option. Here are a few items that might make the perfect Holiday gift and won't break.

Clit Exciter

Designed specifically to hug your love button, this easy to use massager will have you gorging your clitoris on its engulfing head. Sturdy plastic makes this massager durable and reliable, while the waterproof construction ensures safe play whether you're wet or dry. The powerful multi-speed vibrations are controlled by a dial knob on the base, complete with ridged sides for better grip, and unlike most other clitoral massagers the Clit Exciter™ features an extra long shaft for ergonomic handling and easier reach. Meant to be held upside down, the top of the piece features an angled head with a central divot and a ring of raised nodes that will massage and tickle the outer portions of the clitoral area, while the divot portion encases the clitoris in a world of vibrating pleasure. As well, you can use the back portion and the sides of the rounded head for a broader massage of the area; $12.95 at blowfish.com.

I Rub My Wormie

I Rub My Wormie is a waterproof, personal massager that was designed for the ultimate massage!!! Its long, rippled body is hard, but covered with ultra-soft skin and tiny, rounded nodules run the length of the Wormie's underbelly. Dual-speed control is easily operated with one hand to customize the level of vibration. Just press the cleverly hidden button and enjoy the strong vibrations running through this sweet-faced Wormie! Requires two C batteries. (Not included). $29.95 at blowfish.com

Babeland Body Kit

Celebrate sensuality with this collection of top-of-the-line home spa products from the new Babeland Body line. Babeland Body products are handmade in Northern California with all natural, primarily organic ingredients, formulated for the discerning customer. Plan for a decadent night with a 1-ounce bottle of fragrant Massage Oil, a 1/4-ounce bottle of tasty Lickable Oil, one sweet-smelling Massage Bar that melts when it comes in contact with skin, an aromatic Massage Candle, and a zesty Bath Fizzy to make clean-up extra fun. And keep the little light shining with the remarkable BabeLight, a vibrator so versatile that it's a keychain, vibrator, and flashlight all in one! Gift pack also includes two Babeland condoms and a matchbook for lighting the massage candle. $25 at Babeland.

Misc.
Here are a few more items that will not only fit your budget, but will also make for a fun gift for your favorite lesbian.

Personalized Lesbian Holiday Ornament
Two Women "abstract art" Christmas Ornament with name personalization and date. life-iz-sweet.com for $14.99

Stylish Retro Lesbian T-Shirts
T-shirt designs include: Liquor in the front ... poker in the rear. Open 24 hours, I kiss girls better, Lezzy's oil and Lube...Let me Service you today...etc. $18 at Queerrepublictees.com