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Saturday, November 3, 2007

You know You Are in a Healthy Relationship When...

We all have different ideas about what a "healthy" relationship should be. And although each of us usually have our own personal set of requirements when we start dating someone new, there are also some basic guidelines that can help us figure out if our relationships are, or can be, truly healthy.

I found a couple of different relationship guides that I thought had some great information. And I will probably post them all at some point, but this particular one by Peggy Walton, I decided to share with some friends and co-workers (Lesbian & Straight women), to get their opinions. Most of them agreed that the information was very insightful, however, a couple of them told me it was hard to read...not hard as in "I don't get it," but hard in the sense that it made them look at their own relationships in a way they hadn't, at least not for a long time.

Anyway, whether or not you agree with this guide, I felt it was worth sharing...if nothing else, it will make you question a few things about yourself and your own relationships...and in my world, that is a good thing.

Healthy Relationship Guide#1
by Peggy Walton

  • Your partner wants you to realize your dreams and will do anything to help achieve them.

  • They are self-sufficient and complete human beings. (If not, then you may find youeself neglecting part of yourself in some way to compensate for their deficiency.)

  • They take responsibility for their own happiness. It is not your job.

  • They do not use negative tactics for getting their own way or dominating you. Criticism, put-downs, guilt, shame, intolerance, neglect, combativeness, aggression, and threat; the list goes on. Silence can be a negative tactic, if there is communication that needs to take place, and so can defensiveness.

  • When they speak to you, it is always with love, acceptance and approval.

  • They support and respect your ideas, beliefs and wishes no matter how different from their own.

  • Your self-esteem improves when you are together.

  • Your circle of friends grows.

  • They do little things to please you.

  • When something bothers you, they are truly concerned.

  • They help resolve problems.

  • They help you find time for yourself. Without this you will never grow.

  • They share in responsibilities, even with things that are unpleasant or mundane.

  • Your time is just as valuable as theirs.

  • They give you freedom to try new things, take chances and to make mistakes. Human beings are constantly evolving and are not meant to be caged physically, emotionally or psychologically.

  • In short, they provide the security, love and nurturing that is required for you to soar where life itself is wonderful and the relationships are an added bonus. Because you are willing to do the same for them, the relationship will continue to scale new heights while love, honor and respect grows deeper and broader."


Anonymous said...

I like that list. I would add:
They forgive or talerate your mistakes because they make them too.

girl2grl said...

I agree

Anonymous said...

wow..nice this is true..cause I;ve experiencing it right one


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