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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Dating Tips for Single Lesbian Moms

When you’re a single lesbian mom the idea of dating can seem overwhelming. Wondering if you will be able to find someone who will be okay with your children. Wondering how your children will feel about the women you date. Questioning how soon you should introduce your kids to the woman you are dating. These are all common questions lesbian moms who decide date will often deal with. And unfortunately, there are no easy answers, however here are some tips that can help guide you through the process of dating as a lesbian mom.

  1. Be honest with the women you are dating. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, it is essential that you are honest. In fact, you should let your date know about your children as soon as possible, whether that mean through an email or on the phone, let them know before you meet them in person. Some women have no interest in dating women with children, especially young children who live at home. While this fact is a hard one to face, it is best to find out as soon as possible how they feel about kids, so that you’re not wasting your time or hers. There is no point in developing feelings for someone who might ultimately reject you simply because you have kids.

  2. Be honest with your children. If your children are old enough to understand, and your goal is to find a long-term lesbian relationship, then it is important to let your children know you are dating. This doesn’t mean you have to introduce your children to every woman you go out with, but attempting to hide the fact that you are dating from your children will only feel like a betrayal to your children in the long run.

  3. Dating other lesbian moms. If the woman you're dating happens to also have children, it can make the entire dating process much easier, especially where the kids are concerned Other lesbian moms will be more understanding about planning activities and events that include the kids. This can give the children a feeling of being included, and you can figure out early on whether or not your kids will like your date or her kids will like you. Also if your partner has children, introducing them to each other can be fun, especially if they are close in age.

  4. Dating lesbians without children. If the woman you are dating is not a parent, as soon as both of you feel like the relationship might be going somewhere, introduce her to your children. Many moms choose to wait months before they introduce their potential partner to their children, meanwhile developing strong feelings for each other, only to find out the kids and the new partner have are unable to get along, which will likely break up the relationship. If the goal is to eventually share your life and home with your partner, it is essential that everyone gets along or at least be willing to try. Finding out the compatibility issues sooner, rather than later, can save a lot of unnecessary heartache.

  5. Allow for an adjustment period. Lesbian relationships with children are not much different from heterosexual relationships, often one or both partners have kids from a previous relationship. And while young children tend to adapt to a new partner rather quickly, older children, especially teenagers, can take a bit longer to adjust. Preteens and teens tend to dislike anyone that you bring home, simply because they are jealous of the time and affection you are giving to this new person.
A common concern that many lesbian moms who date face is what if the children get attached to a partner and/or therr children, and then the relationship dissolves. Although these things do occur and can be very painful for everyone involved, it is a risk that needs to be taken in order to find a healthy, lasting relationship. There are no guarantees in any relationship, but with a little willingness and a lot of commitment, you can find happiness with a partner that both you and your children will love.

1 comment:

loris said...

I've found when dating a lesbian without children is that some of them try to parent mine immediatly. I'm always up for a suggestion, but certainly not criticism.


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