A Lesbian Fairy Tale Wedding

In this Sundays San Francisco chronicle there was a great article, written by Marisa Lagos, about a lesbian couple's Storybook Wedding. Since I realize many of my blog readers are out of state, and some even in other countries, I thought you all might enjoy reading this one yourself. It may be a long one, but I think it is well worth it.

Women's storybook wedding - politics aside

Some girls dream of a fairy tale wedding. Karina Keethe, on the other hand, dreamed of having kids - seven of them. And Andrea Cernusak never really thought about marriage or children at all - until she met Karina.

The couple's history may not be typical, but their wedding, on Oct. 24, was as traditional as could be. There was a white dress, flowers, family, cake, dancing and, of course, flower girls and ring bearers. Eleven of them, just as Karina wanted.

"She's been maternal since she was maternal with her Strawberry Shortcake dolls," said Karina's father, Larry Keethe. "Kids follow her around like the Pied Piper of Hamlin. I think she's been a nanny for almost every kid in the city."

Andrea, meanwhile, was a tomboy as a kid; her mother remembers BB guns, bows and arrows and pirate costumes. Being the baby of four children, Andrea didn't spend much time with kids younger than her. And being gay, growing up in Idaho, marriage didn't seem like much of an option anyway.

"I never thought I would have a white wedding," Andrea, now 30, recalled.

Andrea and Karina, 29, already knew they wanted to be together for life, and when the California Supreme Court struck down a ban on same-sex marriage in May, the once faraway idea of getting married suddenly became very real.

"One Friday night, we're sitting in our living room, talking about (the court decision) casually, and I said, 'I want to get married,' " Karina said.

Andrea agreed to the sudden proposal, thinking that the couple might do something small the next spring. But when they learned that a measure to ban same-sex marriage would probably appear on the November ballot, they decided to marry Oct. 24, so politics could not spoil the sentiment of their special day. They are among the thousands of same-sex couple rushing to exchange vows throughout the state before the election.

According to San Francisco city officials, nearly 1,400 same-sex couples scheduled appointments for marriage licenses between Oct. 1 and Tuesday at City Hall, and 823 of those appointments were scheduled for the two weeks before the election. An additional 941 couples received their licenses in September.

Andrea and Karina's wedding plans soon grew far beyond the modest affair they initially imagined. Andrea's parents offered to chip in $5,000, as they had for both of her sisters' nuptials, and the couple decided to use some savings to pay for the rest, so they could invite more guests and make it the fantasy wedding they now envisioned.

"Once it became a reality, feeling that I wanted to marry this person, suddenly I wanted everyone I knew to be there with us, because it's so special," said Karina.

The couple met in September 2005, when Andrea, looking for a change, moved to the Bay Area from Portland and landed in a Berkeley house with some of Karina's friends. But it wasn't until the next summer that Karina really noticed Andrea. The feeling wasn't immediately mutual; Andrea didn't realize that Karina, who is bisexual, was interested in dating women. Further complicating matters, Karina wasn't even sure whether Andrea was gay.

"For me, as soon as I got to know her, I had a crush," said Karina, who grew up in Sacramento and moved to the Bay Area a decade ago to attend UC Berkeley.

More than friends

Karina took the leap, conspiring with a friend, Traci Smith, to find out whether Andrea was interested in women. When she found out the answer, on the way to a baseball game, the already bubbly Karina began to shamelessly flirt with Andrea, Traci said.

"She was giddy," said Traci. "But her flirting isn't always obvious, especially to someone as oblivious as Andrea."

Andrea was more cautious, even when it became clear Karina was interested. Andrea explained that she was just becoming comfortable with her sexuality after hiding it for years. She wasn't out in college at the University of Idaho, only briefly dating a few men, and while she'd told most of her friends in Portland she was gay, she had never been in a serious relationship.

"I didn't know her background. I didn't know if she was interested in anything more than a one-night stand," Andrea said. "I had a hard time buying into it."

They finally became more than friends after a party at a friend's house, and quickly fell hard for each other. By the holidays, Karina was going home with Andrea to meet her family. It was a big move for Andrea, who had never brought anyone home, let alone a woman. She decided to first tell her sister, Emily Cernusak, who lives in Oakland. Emily - who learned the news just minutes before meeting Karina - was thrilled for Andrea, and the news soon spread.

"It wasn't a surprise," said Andrea's mother, Ellen Cernusak. "Later, Annie said, 'Had I known this was going to be such a non-issue with the family, I would have had Emily tell everyone sooner.' "

The next month, the couple moved in together, to a studio in the Panhandle. They now live in an apartment in Duboce Triangle, with their two cats.

Their friends weren't surprised by how quickly things progressed.

"Karina is very methodical in her approach to everything. ... She's very 'Go, go go,' " said Traci, one of Karina's bridesmaids. "Andrea is the opposite. She's very slow to move, relaxed, easygoing. They complement each other."

Irene Ng, Andrea's closest friend, also knew that her dear college buddy was "smitten."

"I had never seen her so touchy-feely with anybody. I knew she had fallen deeply in love," she said.

Andrea's parents, who are divorced, also saw the connection immediately.

"They are so good together," said her mom, Ellen.

"I have never seen Annie smile the way she does with Karina," added her sister, Emily. "It's just giddiness."

Karina's family, including two brothers and a sister, may have been a little more surprised. When Karina called her mom and told her she was dating a woman, she said, "Oh, I always thought you were joking about that." But her parents, who are also divorced, saw how well matched the women were.

"There was a comfort. I could tell that Karina felt totally loved, and absolutely knew she was loved and cared for," said her mother, Wendy Keethe. "I had never seen her like that before. As a mom, all you want is for your child to be happy. ... Andrea is an incredible person, and Karina is incredible because of her."

Planning the wedding

This summer, between work - Andrea is in the middle of a series of exams to become an architect and works on renovations for a local architect in the meantime; Karina was a nanny until recently completing her schooling to become a Waldorf School teacher - the couple planned their wedding. They knew they wanted to be married outside, and chose Sigmund Stern Grove because it was affordable and they loved the foliage.

Karina headed to David's Bridal in search of the perfect dress. She quickly found it - a simple empire-waist, floor-length gown. Andrea chose a gray three-piece suit over a white collared shirt, after returning at least one other outfit.

Bridesmaids were selected, and 11 nieces, nephews and former charges from Karina's nanny days were given flower girl and ring duties. Emily was asked to officiate and was deputized by the San Francisco County Clerk for the day. On Sept. 17, the couple visited San Francisco City Hall at 10 a.m. to apply for their marriage license. As Karina balanced a toddler on her hip - one of her now-former charges - the couple grinned and filled out the paperwork. Several weeks later, they sat in their living room and joked about their dynamics. Karina is talkative and more emotional, but also is the pragmatic planner, while Andrea is easygoing and, as Karina jokes, "a typical man" - she can be oblivious to Karina's moods, takes out the trash and doesn't worry about the details as much.

"I am more the nurturing, a homemaker, and I like to get things done. She's more the laidback man type," Karina said.

"She's the planner," added Andrea. "I'm just thinking, OK, we'll figure it out."

The big day

As the wedding day neared, the women stayed true to character. Karina stressed about every little detail, while Andrea remained calm.

"I've been talking about being a little bit scared, but Andrea just laughs," said Karina. "It's not a question of whether I am making the right decision, but can I be a good enough person. I'm going to make vows, am I going to live up to them?"

Andrea wasn't concerned, just excited to marry a woman she clearly adores.

"I processed a lot at the beginning," she said simply.

They did agree on one area of stress: voting. Several weeks before the wedding, the couple realized that they would be on their honeymoon in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, during Tuesday's election. So they cast their votes early, at San Francisco City Hall, in the hopes that other same-sex couples will also have the opportunity to marry.

On the afternoon of Oct. 24, about 150 friends and family gathered in Stern Grove to watch Karina and Andrea say their vows. Guests were greeted by a program with the heading "Here come the brides."

'No reservations'

Both women beamed as they walked down the aisle separately, on their father's arms, and Andrea giggled as she watched her bride approach. The six bridesmaids, all in different colored dresses, formed a rainbow around the couple and Andrea's sister, Emily. Both brides clutched colorful bouquets of dahlias that matched their bridesmaid's dresses, and exchanged matching silver bands, with a row of embedded diamonds, that they had picked out together.

Emily spoke about the first time she met Karina, and how she has watched the couple grow together over the past two years.

"I had never before seen a smile take over my sister's face the way it did that night. The joy, warmth they both exuded was a prelude to what would naturally deepen into a love that anyone in their presence can't help but feel and be moved by," she said.

"It takes courage to love deeply, to love well. In Rainer Maria Rilke's words, 'For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all of our tasks, the work for which all other work is but preparation.' Yes, to be strong enough in one's sense of self and at the same time vulnerable enough to fully open to another is brave work indeed. And in a world where there are still many who want to lay down laws about whom one can and cannot love, it is even braver work still."

In their vows, which they wrote together, Karina promised to "make your goals and your dreams as important as my own" and thanked Andrea for "all the ways you have enriched my life and encouraged me to stand tall." Andrea told Karina that "it wasn't until we met that I truly understood what marriage is" and that, with her love, "I am able to approach the world with a firm grounding and a path that is hopeful, trusting, joyful and free." They both ended with the statement "I choose you, in the presence of our friends and family, to be my wife."

After Emily pronounced them "spouses for life," the couple kissed, then embraced in a long hug. Then they walked away, hand in hand, pausing for a moment to throw their arms up in a joyful gesture that was met by whoops and hollers.

Later, in a reception at Stern Grove's Trocadero Clubhouse, friends and family reflected on the couple's relationship and how thrilled both brides appear to be. In his toast, Andrea's father, Darryl Cernusak, said he has never seen his daughter as happy as she has been the past few years. Claire Shell-Rood, one of Karina's bridesmaids, also spoke about how well matched the couple appears.

"I had no reservations because every time I talked to Karina about the two of them together, she sounded so excited," she said. "Every time I've seen Karina talk to Andrea, or seen them together, Karina seems like the Karina I've always known and loved."

To see a video of Andrea and Karina following their wedding planning and the main event, go to sfgate.com/ZFGR.