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Monday, February 9, 2009

Happy and Single on Valentine's Day

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, and all of your coupled lesbian friends making plans with their sweeties, I thought perhaps reading through the many lists of "Top reasons to be single on Valentine's Day," may be just what you need to get through this week...hmm, was there a touch of sarcasm in my typing???

This first top 10 list comes from and is called "Fresh Ten Reasons to be Happy You’re Single"

10. You don’t have to fight for the remote. With such a massive amount of television shows to choose from these days, agreeing on which ones to watch and when can create daily arguments between you and the GF. When you’re single, there isn’t anyone there to make fun of you for watching those Saved by the Bell marathons you love, as often as you want.

9. Space. Lesbian couples tend to spend a lot of time together. You meet a girl, she becomes your girlfriend, and suddenly you find yourself living together and only separating when it’s time to go to work. Having the ability to spend time alone is definitely underrated.

8. The DJ on long car rides is you. Unless you and your significant other happen to enjoy all the same music, car rides - and what to listen to during them - can be another quick route to a fight.

7. You don’t have to answer the question, “Does this outfit make me look fat?” It’s a totally overused complaint against girlfriends but unfortunately it really does happen in households all over the world on a daily basis. Until every single girl realizes that, no matter what, the answer is going to be “No!” - only single people are safe.

6. Mind-reading is not a necessity. She may say nothing is wrong, but you just KNOW that something is definitely wrong. You have asked her what it is, you apologized for all sorts of things you didn’t do, you guessed at various things it might be, and yet you still have no clue why she’s mad. When you’re single, basic communication requires far less effort.

5. The bed is much larger. We hate to discount how nice it can be to have a lovely lady spend quality time in your bedroom, but there is a lot to be said for stretching out and taking up every inch of softness when all you want to do is sleep.

4. Admission for 1. Going to the movies, a bar, or a show can get really expensive when you are constantly paying double. In this economy especially, just paying for you can be a lot easier on the wallet.

3. You’re single. Picking up girls at lesbian bars is one of the best parts about being gay. You know right where to find them, they’re there to meet someone just like you, and no one is going to stand in your way. Go ahead, release your inner Shane.

2. No Hallmark holiday for you. As nice as the idea of a special day once a year dedicated to romance and love may sound, it’s really just one giant waste of money spent on cheesy cards, overpriced mediocre chocolate, and roses that last less than a week. And you don’t have to take part in any of it.

1. No drama. Relationships are drama. Lesbian relationships are drama on steroids. Embrace drama-free living - go it single.

This next list comes from Dr. Laura S. Brown, psychiatrist, and is called "Being Single on Valentine's Day:A Survival Guide"

1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity.

2. If you are single because of a recent loss, allow this to be a day of grieving. Do not pretend that it’s not a hard day. Get support and sympathy.

3. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.

4. Plan well in advance to do something that will not place you in the path of billing and cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else on Valentine’s Day.

5. Get together with people who do love you -- friends, family members, the people who already have relationships with you.

6. If you are single and you don’t want to be, start now to think about what is in the way of you creating the relationship you want. Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Begin to volunteer. Create art. Make meaning. Act to change the world. It is into the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.

7. If you are single and you like it, now is the time to affirm your choice. People who never marry or partner have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living. Do not let a couple-driven culture define your choice as something wrong.

This next one is from Marie Claire and is called "10 Great Things About Being Single on Valentine's Day - Did Cupid pass you by this year?"

1. It's a great excuse to get sloshed with your closest girlfriends. Not that we need an excuse.

2. You don't have to smile through gritted teeth when you get crotchless panties as a gift.

3. There's no better night to pick up guaranteed-singles at the bar.

4. You can see if you really can make it through the whole winter without shaving your legs.

5. You don't have to listen to anyone's "Valentine's Day is just a made-up commercial holiday, blah blah blah" speech.

6. It's the perfect day to blow your New Year's resolution to eat healthy by buying yourself a box of chocolates--Godiva, not supermarket-brand.

7. There's no better time to practice some self-love with a shopping spree at Babeland.

8. You're not spending it with that idiot you spent last Valentine's Day with.

9. It's perfectly acceptable to spend the day working late, eat Chinese take-out for dinner in your extra-large fleece pajamas, and not put out before you go to bed.

10. You can spend it with the hottest, funniest, and smartest person you know--you.

This one comes from Campus Life and is called "10 PERKS ABOUT BEING SINGLE ON VALENTINE'S DAY!"

  1. Not having to spend money on gifts.
  2. Not having to go crazy trying to find the right gift for that special person.
  3. Getting to have a girls or guys night out with your single friends.
  4. You can eat a whole box of candy yourself!
  5. Not having to buy a new outfit to go out in.
  6. Getting to stay at home and watch mushy movies while not having to make an excuse why because your other friends are out with their significant other.
  7. You can go on a shopping spree since you aren't going to spend money on somebody else.
  8. You can love everybody!
  9. You get to do whatever you want for dinner because you don't have anybody else to think about.
  10. You can have as many crushes as you want without feeling guilty about cheating!

This one comes from a blog called iconoclastic and is called, "Top 10 Reasons to Hate Valentine's Day"

Reason 1: Single vs. Relationship
Let’s get it over and talk about it, most people don’t like Valentine’s Day because they’re single. And it’s true, when your single Valentine’s Day can make you feel broken. As if there is something eternally wrong with you for not having true love on the day painted pink on the calendar. But if you’re in a relationship there is a can be an impeding sense of pressure as well. Valentine’s Day presents, the pressure causes a overwhelming sentiment that you’re future happiness rests on the selection of the perfect pink, red, or possible gold gift. And with the busy lives we all lead these days, who needs heart themed pressure?

Reason 2: St. Valentine?
There is a date on the calendar named after him signifying love and devotion, people propose and get married on this day of bliss, heck Hallmark and chocolate companies make a killing on this day; and nobody even knows who this St. Valentine dude is! “The history of Valentine’s Day – and its patron saint – is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.” For all we know, he was a criminal lover who stole the hearts of women, a Don Juan of his time.

Reason 3: The Gifts
Do you really need, or even want, another set of stuffed pink kissing dogs with hearts on their butts? I mean really, where are you going to put them? And a box of chocolates? That’s not going help you lose the 5 pounds you put on at Christmas. The mass marketing of cheep and pointless gifts to validate a sentiment of caring just seems ridiculous! If you love me, and want to do something nice, don’t buy me a monkey in chains that sings an Elvis Presley song. Cook me dinner and do the dishes, or take me to get my favorite desert, or rent that chick flick I really wanted to see and you know you’re going to hate. Do something because you want to, not because you have to. And please pass on the candy heart bouquet, sold for 10.99 at the local drug store!

Reason 4: The Cards
They don’t make an ‘I-don’t-know-if-we’re-meant-to-be-I’ve-only-known-you-a-week’ card. If they did, I might change my mind about Valentine’s Day. I would also like to request a ‘I’m-a-Stalker’ card and an ‘I’m-only-giving-this-because-I-want-something-in-return’ card, I think those would be huge sellers! According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are valentines. (for more information check out 25%! Just think of the trees we could save if we eliminated Valentines Day.

Reason 5: Chalk Hearts
You know what I’m referring too. The goofy little box of hearts that taste like sidewalk chalk with white confessions of love embossed on their florescent bodies. “Be Mine,” “I’m Yours,” “You’re Sweet,” and “Love.” Love? Do you really even like someone if you’re giving them chalk to eat? I would prefer an “It’s not you, it’s me” chalk heart, or a “We need to talk” heart. They seem more appropriate.

Reason 6: Cupid’s Creepy!
A small boy in a diaper flying around shooting people with arrows? This dose not make me want to snuggle, it’s just creepy! What’s next, an old man in a red suit sliding down chimneys… oh… wait… But seriously, the whole idea of some pudgy progeny of Aphrodite shooting arrows at my heart, with the intention of construing a long and lasting relationship, it’s a little frightening.

Reason 7: Roses Die
Is the shelling out of $49.95 for twelve fragrant sticks with (insert color here) petals, which will be dead in a week, and I will have to feel guilty over throwing away, really a sign of true love? Or should I take it as a showing of your feelings of our relationship, wilting and dieing quickly? Overpriced and overrated, need I say more?

Reason 8: Halloween is a way better holiday
It is. You can’t argue with a holiday that does not exclude any group of people, requires strangers to give you candy, and allows people to free their inner child and dress up! So, if we start requiring couples to dress in matching diapers and pass out chocolate to single people, I may change my mind on Valentine’s Day, until then…

Reason 9: Sappy love songs make me ill
The first few notes of “I Will Always Love You” can cause such an intense need to vomit that I find myself running for the nearest toilet while my skin starts to tingle and I break out in a rash. And who really wants to hear Celine Dion sing while Leo Decaprio sinks into the ocean? Kenny G will never be listed as one of my favorite artists, and I may be accused of having no soul, but sappy love songs make me ill.

Reason 10: Love should be every day, not just one day a year
I have no snarky comments for this, it is what it is. Love should be every day. Not celebrated because the creepy diaper man says it’s time. And that’s my whole point, Valentines Day really is a mass marketed collection of pointless gifts that you are going to look at in two weeks and wonder which corner of your room you can hide it in, or simply throw it away. So, if you’re going to celebrate Singles Awareness Day, please make a memory, don’t buy a pointless, pressure filled, going to the landfill present.

And the final one comes from Associated Content and is called, "5 Reasons Why It's Fab to Be Single on Valentine's Day"
Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day!

Valentine's Day is a day of love. A day for couples to go in public and announce to the world that they have "somebody." It's a day for single men and women across the globe to stay inside, watching television in their pajamas and feeling sorry for themselves. Why? Why is it so necessary to be involved with someone and to have a Valentine? The whole day is so contrived and fake that I would much rather not have a Valentine! Nothing screams "our relationship is in dire need of a boost" like celebrating Valentine's Day. It isn't a day of love; it is a day of "love." Most couples do things just to do things, instead of setting aside another day to celebrate and cherish their own special union. Why rejoice in something that the rest of the world is rejoicing in? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? Love is not about social conformity; it is about unpredictability and irreplaceable memories. This is why there are five reasons to be happy as a single person on February 14th.

1. No Fake Smiles
Couples who go out on Valentine's Day often go overboard with their public displays of affection. They say mushy things and feed each other food and participate in tons of other nauseating gimmicks. This doesn't mean that they truly are in love and just can't help themselves. Sometimes, couples use these practices as a way to mask the problems in their relationship. Valentine's Day is the perfect holiday for couples who want to make it known to the world that they are taken but don't want the world to see the imperfections in their relationship. As a single, we can proudly and loudly smile and have nothing to hide because we truly are happy with ourselves! And even if singles want a special someone, they don't have to hide it from the world.

2. No Disappointment
With Valentine's Day comes presents. Not just presents though, presents that are insincere and artificial. Couples feel forced to get something for their significant other but because it is out of a social tradition instead of from the heart, people (especially women) get disappointed. On Valentine's Day, it's not the thought that counts. Every couple is out trying to prove that they are the happiest, the most loved, the most romantic and the most thoughtful. How can forcing yourself to buy your partner a present because society says so exemplify any of those things? Singles need not worry. We can buy ourselves anything we want and we know we'll love it! In fact, our singleness is the best gift we'll give ourselves on Valentine's Day!

3. No Need to Dress Up
Sure, every once in awhile it's nice to go out all glammed up but on Valentine's Day, it is a must if you are in a relationship. How can you possibly feel romantic if you don't beautiful? How can you prove that you are the hottest couple? Singles can stay home in their sweatpants, put on their old prom dress or even walk around naked if they want! Couples have an image to keep up and that distracts from the relationship. I'd much rather stay in my pj's and slippers than have to worry about which eye shadow to use to impress my partner.

4. No Need to Plan Anything
You can't celebrate Valentine's Day if you have nowhere to celebrate it, right? Well, most couples go to great lengths to plan something special, though the rest of the world has the same idea. Partners stress out that their lover will be disappointed or won't be romantic. Who cares?! Just appreciate your time together. Singles often feel lonely because they have nothing to plan but be glad! You have no one else to worry about pleasing and no matter what you do, you'll be in charge and completely enjoy yourself.

5. No Upsets. There are women who dream about being proposed to on Valentine's Day. This makes no sense to me because what is so special about saying "I love you" and proposing on the same day that everyone else says "I love you?" When these women don't get their proposal, they feel upset. They think that their man doesn't love them and it ruins their entire night. There is so much expectation involved that whether a woman gets proposed to or not, there will always be something that her partner did wrong. They didn't say the right thing, they didn't get the right gift, the list goes on. Singles, remember, crashing on the couch while watching a great movie requires no expectations. Embrace what you receive on Valentine's Day: whatever you choose!

Love is not just about romance. There is family love, friend love and pet love also. But Valentine's Day is essentially about romantic love. However, nothing about a socially constructed, cliched, unoriginal and forced holiday says "romance." Nothing about a predictable box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers proves a person's devotion. Those who really want to celebrate their love will go out on another night. They will show the world what it means to be the only couple in the room celebrating their bond. They will expect nothing, live unpredictably and hold nothing back. That is romance. As a couple, Valentine's Day couldn't be a worse holiday to commemorate love. As a single, Valentine's Day is just another movie night. Enjoy!

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